I need some serious motivation...

I must admit that I have wasted a lot of my years... I wasted doing absolutely NOTHING.. What I mean by nothing, is something worth my wild.. I been working so hard the last 6 years... I really don't have nothing to show for it but, maybe my credit score.. lol
I wasted on men... I wasted it because of fear.. I wasted it because I no longer have motivation...
I believe a lot of it has been the stress I've been under.. I believe a lot of it where I am not getting much time alone.. I am always doing something for someone.. I am always paying bills, to where I don't have money to save up.
I really want to do something for me.. God willing, I want to save up enough to take a trip (alone)... I am still in the process of looking for another job, so that is motivation ( a little lol)....My dreams of my own business is still my main focus and I haven't given up.. It just seems that folks don't wanna pay for catering...  In this area anyway... Man, if I had the money to play the lottery and win... Then that's all the motivation I need..
The seasons are changing now too, I want to get back out.. I want to take walks, eat right, and get back on my healthy kick.. I think that would help my motivation.. I will have the energy..
I was talking to my friend guy on Sunday and he was telling me, I am no longer the Tracy he once knew. He said I was so much of a social, outgoing, fun person.. Now, he says I am complacent, moody, and drabby..  Damn, really? I think it is my age.. Things I used to do I don't do anymore.. It's not that my interest has changed.. My mindset has.. All of the friends I used to hang out with.. Married, Engaged, and kids..  I am the only one in my circle that has yet, to meet a man, worthy..
So yes, I no longer do the things I once did.. I don't think I am drabby (whatever that means).. hehehhee
Being with depression for the last 6 months, people really don't understand what it is to feel this way.. Yea, some say they are down, but a lot of folks don't know.. My diagnoses was my answers I needed.. I didn't understand why I kept feeling the way I did.. It wasn't anything going wrong in my life, I just feel like I had no motivation to even get out of bed sometimes. I didn't want to face people.. I didn't even wanna get up and put on clothes.. (even got to the point,  I didn't want to bathe).. Depression is something I don't wish on anyone. It puts your life at a stand still.
I can't  believe that I have wrote two blogs in two days.. I guess walking away from Facebook, has given me a peace of mind.. Now, hopefully motivation is next.. :)

I am now 40 Something...

Lord, I am here.. I am here and I thank you for allowing me to see another day... 

Yesterday was my Birthday and I turned 40 years of age.. 

I may not look it, I sure do feel it most of the time. 

This was Birthday 1st for me... It felt like any other day.. I went to work (yes, I am back at work,, Another story I have to fill you all in later on).. I didn't make a big hoopla about my Birthday.. No, one took me out or gave me gifts... I had to remind my mother several times that it was my birthday..

So it was sorta of Bittersweet.. I guess that is the age where you just thankful to see another day..

I see myself changing so much.. I had a health scare last month so I have been just taking it easy.. Plus my mom's health isn't too good either.. So I been laying low and staying close to home. So there isn't much going on and I guess it gets like this.. I had 2 friends to recently get engaged so I haven't been out in months.. So I am the last one of my friends that has yet to meet someone... LOL

It would be nice but with my health and my mom, I am not in the mood, trying to meet someone new.. I already had one walk away because they felt like they were in the way of me taking care of my mom.. So I said go the hayal on.. I tell you the character of folks is something else.. 

Let's see if my 40's is going to be better to me than my 30's were...