Lifestyle Changes...

I am sorry that I have been away for such a long time.. I been busy and on that same not I was wearing myself very thin.. I am now officially in the High Blood Pressure Club... :(

I know things going on with my mom, me not working, me wanting to start my own business, and things with the Bestest have taken me through loops.. I still don't see how I am now part of this club..

So now I am going back to trying to exercise and also not put too much pressure on myself.. I am always trying to be the superwoman, when I just need to sit down and just chill..

On Tuesday I was just going to the doctor for an infection that I thought I had.. I have been suffering real bad headaches so I thought it was a migraine or a sinus infection..
I got to the Doctor and they took my BP and told me to go straight to the Emergency Room...
I got to the ER and they told me I was on stroke level high.. (crying).. My life has just changed... I didn't want to be one of those women who has to be depended on pills. I am not a bad eater (at least I don't think)..

So right now I am on bedrest for a week.. Man, this is so hard, but my life is really important..

My changes is going to be to stop worrying about things I have no control over.. I also going to cut my intake of fried foods, and stop smoking.. I ask my followers to just send a prayer for me..  <3 p="">

Ready for a NEW Environment!!

As much as I want things to change.. It manages to stay the same.. So I know in order to make things look different for me is to get away.. I am really getting frustrated with things.. I mean SERIOUSLY.. I want to wake up in a different place... I want to go to a different job.. I want to be around different people...  I have got several lottery tickets hehehe.. So if I win, that will seriously get me away..

I am sorry that I haven't been writing as much as I planned to do.. I do have things I typed up but I never actually published on here.. I gots to stop telling you all so much of my business.. LOL
I think I am starting to get out of blogging all together.. I spend so much time on Facebook and all those dang status updates..  I am about to get away from that too.. So much silliness going on there..

It's is also the holiday's.. I am not sure as to what I am going to do for this Holiday Season.. Last year it was so easy.. I had something to really look forward to.. Now.. I don't even know if I am going to do any shopping.. I have thought about just giving everyone a gift card.. I am REALLY not interested in going all out.. Even as far as decorating..  I am not going to be a scrooge I am just not that into it..

I just knew that 2012 was going to be my year.. Well as you all can see.. I am still going through the motions.. So I think change is in order... I am just glad I still have my good spirits and happy smile.. I think without it I think I wouldn't exists.

I'm tired of being the friend... I am ready to be a wife...

I know that I am not totally over my S.O.S at this present time.  It is going to be a healing process I must go through to get over it.. I can say, I'm doing fairly well with it.. I took my grieving time to clear my head. I am welcoming the change.. 

This time around though.. I am ready to be a wife. I don't like dating.. I don't like going through the constant changes it put one through.. I never been the type to date several people. I date one, then I end up in a relationship with that person. If I fall in love I hurt.. If I don't see myself falling in love with them. I move on to the next one..

Now I am getting older. I am also in the fear of growing up being my mother.. She never married.. She never experienced the whole wedding. I know for me.. It is something I want to do. I want to spend the rest of my life with just one person. Someone that loves me unconditionally..  So I am working on me. I am getting myself self in order to find my Mr or Mrs Right. I am no longer going to waste my life on someone who isn't going to give me that walk down the isle. 

When I meet people, they always say... You are such a good person.. May we be friends.. I tell you this.. I know that is in my character. I treat everyone with such kindness. Even people I don't know.. I try to be compassionate and so friendly.  I don't know if this is what keeps my potential mates away or what. I used to sit back and watch other people relationships.. I see how some women dogged the man out or vice verse.. Then I am like how those two people get married. As for one I don't know what it takes to be wifey material. I do know an ex in my past once told me.. You are a wifey material, and I am not ready for that.. What did that mean?

My past relationships has taught me that some people can't handle what I can offer.. I am very creative.. I am very loving.. I am very caring.. I am also a great cook.  Growing up, I heard stories that is the making of a good wife. So growing up.. I learned all the things.. I taught myself how to cook. I learned how to clean house. I learned how to manage money.. Heck I even learned how to sew, and decorate. In my relationships, I have even learned how to comprise.. In which in a lot of cases it is what MARRIAGE is all about. 

I know they say that you have to wait on God to bring the right person that is right for you. I understand the whole 9 of that. So maybe I have been carrying myself wrong. I am not to sure as to what and how to.. I have been thinking as to how and why I am not married yet. It could be in the choices I have made in life. I could be the type of people I gave my heart to.

I have always been afraid to tell a person what I wanted up front. I always thought it was the man that suppose to ask you in marriage. I want to know how do you go and say... I am looking for marriage and if you aren't ready then we can't be together.. How do you do that? Especially if you are having such a great time with that person.You are enjoying the company with that person.. I am so in disarray... I don't know how to set myself up for this.

Most of the time when I meet people. I just go with the moment.  When things don't quite work out. I become their friend. Either that or we end up as friends from the jump. Well I am tired of being a friend. I am tired of always being the HOMEGIRL.. I am ready to say I am a Mrs.. I don't want to grow old and be a Miss.. Like I said. I want to grow old with someone.. I want to wake up every morning and feel the love in the household. I want to say this is my better half.

So as I am working toward my goal.. I am getting my life in order.. I have to show the next potential mate what I have to offer.. Be able to show what I can bring to the table.. I will leave my past where it sits. I am going to be a great wife one day. I was made for it. I was molded to be one. I am getting a little old not to want anything else, but to share my life with an AWESOME person that we can complete each other..

I don't mind having friends.. Don't get me wrong... I am just ready for a new chapter in life.. I want to experience the walking down the isle and sharing my life with Some One Special....