Bedrest, BullShyt, and Boredom...

I feel like I can Scream and everyone on this planet will be able to hear me. I tell you the last few days has BEEN HAYAL!

Where do I begin... Hmm let's get the BullSHYT out the way first... I feel like this, If someone that says they LOVE YOU and they see you are having a hard time right now and you reach out to them, they should be there.. Point Blank.. I am there for them, so why can't you be there for me.. (sorry arses).. Someone that I've been dating (yeah) since December... Known him for over 20 years but never saw him as potential but he is fun to be around..  Anyhoo, me being home taking care of my mom and not being able to work right now. I wanted to start trying to do businesses that I can do for home. So  I asked him would he be able to help me out. NOTE: He has a good paying job and he has 2 other roommates. He doesn't have a car payment nor do he has any kids to take care of... To make it clear the money his roommates gives him it pays all the bills.. (smh) Well for the past month he has been coming up with excuses.. Then I asked him again this passed week.. He comes out his mouth "GET YOUR ARSE A DAMN JOB"...  I don't know if the devil got in me or what... Let's just say I am no longer dating (again) lol.. I don't even know if he is my friend anymore. It got to the point I had to say Fuck You.. See about a month ago I had to do my father the same way.. It's crazy.. They see what I am going through on a daily basis but they insist to make me feel like I am not shyt.. That's my momma.. She has taken cared of me, sacrificed for me, and I owe her this.. See her health declining faster than I thought it would and I know how my mom is.. She isn't and doesn't want any stranger in this house with her.

I don't ask people to help me normally.. I have always been the giver and helper.. Heck, I used to help his crazy arse when he used to get into trouble and what not.. So you would think that he would be open and willing, since he goes on how I have always been the one.. They one he loves and always had... BullShyt!!


Bed-rest and Boredom goes right along with each other.. I've been having female issues for over a year now. I still waiting on the ok to have my hysterectomy..   Well I am not going into be details with all that because I know some of you already know.. LOL.. Well the doctor has put me on bedrest for a few days and I have to take it extremely easy and drink a lot of fluids.. #UGH I don't know how bedrest I am when I have to keep on pissing every minute..  I want my life back.. I want to be able to socialize and deal with folks.  Everyone now that used to be my clique married, getting married, in a relationship, got a few kids.. So I don't have hanging folks, plus I don't like going places alone.. (I know how am I going to meet people)... It's just how I am..
I do have something coming up next week.. I can't wait.. I get to get out the house for awhile.. LOL

2016 Elections...

Man oh Man... This is the 1st crazed Election I've lived through... I always hate this time of year just cause I live in a Republican city and state.. I've been a Democrat all my life.. Hey I am as liberal as they come.. LOL  Being a Free spirit and compassionate person,  who else would I be..

Been keeping up with the Conventions and HANDS DOWN the Democratic Convention has been the most energetic, positive, optimistic Convention.. I LOVE IT! Last week was just so comical and depressing.   I don't know who in their right mind would vote for Donald Trump... I don't know where this man head is at and I don't know where he is going with any of the REAL ISSUES.. I don't think he would be the best fit for this country... Not at ALL!

On Monday Night Michelle Obama speech had me cheering, tearing, and shouting.. She is so good with her words.. She is so beautiful and intelligent. I am proud to say she is our first lady... Last night President Obama BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN! His speech was amazing too.. I love it.. This is a proud moment in my life. I really am so sad that they are leaving..  I am voting for Hillary Clinton in hopes the momentum will still be on going.

I have always been fans of the Clinton's..Bill was one of the BEST in my Lifetime..
So come November I pray and hope that the country thinks the way I do. Allowing the best person fit for the job win... I am with HER! I think Hilary would be a great fit and she already know the ins and outs.. So she is really qualified for this job...

I had to debate and block, even delete some of my people on Facebook.. They are so Republican.. smh.. The mean things that they are saying, I don't have time for that.. I don't know these people heads are at.. They CRAZY..

Looking forward to November.. I am ready for the craziness to be OVER!

At Times

At times I wonder what would my life be like if I made different choices... Its now early Sunday morning and my mind is on over load... I want to go to sleep but Its so hard to do so...
I have pushed so many people away and I don't have many solid friendships.. To be honest I have only one and that's a family member.. In which she is about to get married and moved to another state.  My other close friend is locked up. She will be out early 2018.
So I lay here bored out my mind. I don't really have time (mentally) for a relationship because me being my moms caregiver. Plus I don't get out much anymore to meet people. Then when I do men tend to think I'm mean and unapproachable. I do sometimes give the stank look (habit)... 

As you all over the years that have read my blog I've been hurt by love so much, I just guard myself really tight now. I know exactly what I want now and instead of being patient and overlooking I'm blunt upfront. I know it might result in a lonely life but, Hey... What am I supposed to do?

America The not so Beautiful...

I tell you this past week has really been draining and just so uneasy... I hate the events that has happened.. I know last week I talked about Mr. Sterling.. Then right after that Mr. Castile lift ended in the hands of a Police Officer.. Then the killing of 5 officers in Dallas.. I tell you Friends that I grew up with really showed me their true colors.. I am glad that they did.. It gave me a sense of ease.

This world really need peace... It is going to take time and I don't see it in my lifetime..
This is something I wrote on my status on Facebook...

"Hey Faces... I can't say this is a good morning because I woke up PISSED... I have slept on and I've prayed on this.. I might lose some friends, I might lose some family members.. I'm just TIED! I changed my ways of thinking about 20 years ago. I did it for my way of life and not anyone elses.

Everyone wants us to sing Kum Ba Ya and hold hands and be subdued... I get it. I want to live in the world where I can live peacefully .. I don't want to be judged because I wear my African Garb and my keep my head in a turban... I am what you can Black as a person can get... My way of thinking, my way of life, and the way I dress. I can love all people and give them respect but because of the way I look and act some might look at me as a threat...

It seems like I have to say this over and over and over....

You don't know how it feels to be Black and in America if you aren't.. You just DON'T.. White Privileges is real... Back when I was working and I was good at my job and it was time for me to be promoted a manager asked another one "Do you trust her with this job?" "The regional manager at the time sent a email out to the company stating "Do you want someone like that Leading a Store"... Yea, I know all the things that were said about me... I am a Black chick with dreads... I am a threat (they think).. I went own to show them I am more than qualified to do my job and done it well at that... Weekly was getting emails about how well my office ran... I also got emails on how my customers loved and enjoyed me.. My name was mentioned all the time.. So am I really a threat?

This is not the 1st time this has happened in America... Those men was MURDERED... Then for SOME of YOU want to tarnish those Men name is RIDICULOUS! It's always they don't want to believe that it is some bad cops out here.. It is... No man deserves to be shot down that wasn't given no threat.. Alton Sterling WASN'T A CHILD MOLESTER he was 17 went the female was 15.. They both were kids.. So for SOME OF YOU TO SAY another child molester dead is a good thing... You just don't know how strong my side eye was...Him being behind on his child support.. Damn it man, he sold CD's... At least he was freaking trying... Hell, I sell cd's 3 to 5 dollars aint shyt....You all are being FUCKING judgmental... No one deserves to be murdered but SOME OF YOU want to justify this shyt.. CRAZY! I have lost all respect, just know that.. I will never be rude.. I will never say anything out the way.. Just know I have lost all respect...

When things like this happen WHITE GUILT gets all up in uproar... They think the NIGGERS about to show out.. Nah, man... We were raised on the teachings of MLK.. We are not crazy folks... Yea it's some dumb arses but that's in any race...
Bringing up black on black crime... "we kill where we live"... The media only show Black on Black crime because it gets ratings and because it is another way to paint a dark picture on our race.. Whites are perfect, Blacks are evil...? Remember it's always been this way in the media.. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! Don't act like it doesn't exist... It does and we see this.. We see we aren't respected and we aren't valued... So this is why I always show images of black people.. I always so when we do good things in the world.... I sometimes feel I stand alone but damn it man... WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME! Get that in your head and you will understand how we feel..

Now, it's sad what happened in Dallas.. Again no one needs to lose their life. I hate it happened and I want this world to heal. I want Dallas to heal.. This being a national crisis though? It was a separate isolated indecent.. Cops killing unarmed or non threatening Black Men and Women been a national crisis in the last 6 years...(Don't want to admit that) Police Brutality been a national crisis since hell before I was born...(you wouldn't know if you aren't black or brown)..

I say 1 <3 span=""> Love at most of my statuses because I want that one love... I want to live together in peace and happiness,,, I have no hate in my body.. STOP THE JUDGMENTS.."

I swear everytime things like this happens you see people ugly faces... No we aren't going to live in a perfect world, I just wish it was a nice one...

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Another Black Man Killed... Is it or will it EVER End... #AltonSterling

I woke up this morning with the news and saw the video... 

May this Husband and Father rest in peace...

#AltonSterling

My prayers are with his family and friends.

I don't normally write about this.. I just make a Facebook or Twitter Status.. 

From what I have heard that Mr. Sterling had permission to sell cd's in front of the store. 

One of his family members also stated that he said the Police have been harassing him all day yesterday or for some time now.. 

I am watching CNN to hear his family speak.

Stuff like this hurts me to my soul. This happens so much and not always does it get video or media coverage...

This very thing seems like it happens every summer... 

I pray for peace and understanding in all this.

CNN interviewed his Aunt and she said beside of a small incident her nephew didn't carry a gun nor was he a violent person.. She called him a Gentle Giant..

May God keep his family covered with love, strength, and peace..

#BlackLivesMatter

#AltonSterling

#StopKillingUs 

My Randoms...

It's been HAWT! I mean really... Here in South Carolina it has been one HAWT summer so far.. It normally doesn't get real hot until Late July or August... Shyt!! It's been HAWT since May.. The light bill this month JESUS is going to be high... I don't know what to do.

It's been so HAWT I haven't wanted to get out the house at all.. I haven't went hardly anywhere.. I don't know I might become crazy sitting here in the house with my mom... She is doing fairly well since I have been here.. I had to let my job go to take care of her.. I am doing it for her, but this chick hates being BROKE.. It will be ok though..

Yesterday, the family got together to grill.. It was nice.. As I said, I like when family gets together.. I just don't like the clean up.. lol It's been a struggle for us all the last few months.. We are trying to make as many memories we possibly can.. My mom memory is fading and she is resorting to the past and I wan't her to see family..

I just came by to let you all know that I am well and everything is going well..  If anyone still reads blogs.. hehehe!!