I figured it out!!!!!!!!

For awhile I was thinking it was me.. I was the reason for all my failed relationships.. Or why so many men see me as just a friend type person... 

I am partly the reason because of the men I attract.. Also the type of men I am attracted too..

See I have no qualms in being single.. I have to work hard and I also have to take care of my mother who is now in 1st level of Dementia.. Yes I haven't spoken on that because I really don't want anyone coming to my mother feeling sorry for her.. She is still strong willed, she just have some good and bad days..  So I think I was just looking for outside fulfillment to get me through the rough part. 

Well anyway the common words I always get from men is :You are too good for me: You are Heaven Sent: You deserve better:... So am I continually going for the wrong men.. YES!!

The light bulb  lit up after talking yesterday to an old internet friend.. He asked me what do I look for in a man (relationship) and what are the type of things I do in the relationship..

He said I all the qualities of a GOOD WOMAN and a GOOD Wife.. He said I just go for the wrong men. He said he doesn't understand how a person like me fall for the uneducated, crazy, temperamental, Childish men.. He said he has watched over the years the different types of men I've dated.. He asked me was I truly ready for relationships... I told him after he put that out there.. I am not quite sure. 

Then I talked to my Life Coach and how I told him about a few things that were bothering me yesterday.. It was my birthday and I tend to go all out with others. The only things I got from my Bestest was a call early in the morning singing Happy Birthday.. :(  I went all out for his.. He even promised to call me back later in the day... He did not.. I even got drunk and called him.. He didn't answer or did he even respond to my Facebook message.. He told me to let that go, squash it, and just do me.. Why am I still drawn to this type of pain.. I really don't know..

I was watching last week Fix My Life.. Another light bulb moment.. Brokenness attracts Brokenness.. I have said before I have Daddy Issues.. Me and my father are some what closer than we ever been once I got older..  Growing up I didn't have a bad childhood I was just one who had to grow up way earlier than most.. I was cooking full meals at 8 years of age.. I had to help my mother take care of my grandmother and when my mom worked I had to make sure my grandmother was set, fed, and cleaned.. 

Then I also have separation anxieties..  Everything I love the most tends to leave me.. I thank God my mom is still here though.. I am somewhat anti social but when I get around folks I feel comfortable around I am good.. I sometimes feel at ease with strangers than I do people I know the most.. That way they don't know the pain and struggle I have on day to day life..

Besides all the emotions I was going through yesterday on my Birthday.. I can say it turned out to be pretty decent.. I got money, cards, balloons, hugs, kisses, and a dinner.. The most important thing was to still be here to share it with those who love and care for me deeply.. I will be having a few friends over on Friday.. :)

My Thoughts of Today... The End of the World

I was having a conversation with one of my Co Workers the other day at work. They were talking about the end of the world.

I am one of those people who do not believe in the end of the World. I believe that life comes and goes in different forms. So it would be just the end of the world as we see it.

Like the Dinosaurs ruled the earth at one point. Then when they saw one touch of human life, they began to die off.

Now that we are humans on this earth, it is going to be something else that is going to take our place. I don't know when and I frankly don't really care.

I understand the point that they were talking about. It was the global warming and all this nuclear stuff might be the cause of our distinction. Then it was the subject about the one currency. They feels that Obama is going to be a dictator. I tell you these backwoods people that I work with. (SMH)

Nostradamus predicted a lot of things. I am just not into all that. I am alive through God's Will. It is part of life. We live and we die. Why sit here and wait on it? Live you life...

Do you believe the end of the world is near? How do you think it is going to happen?

My thought of Today...Jumping to Conclusions.

I am so tired of people jumping to conclusions. I was at a blog yesterday (last night). I made a comment that was directed to the people that were in the blog entry. They were talking about how the women republicans are going to boycott Oprah and her magazine because she refuses to have Governor Palin on her show.

Well majority of us said that Oprah has the right to do what she wants on her show. So Come on, it is her show, they are a bunch of anger white women that wants to make a big deal out of nothing. I was correct about it too. Oprah already stated that she would have Palin on her show after the election. She did not want her show to be a political forum.

O why in the Lord did I say that. I had white women thinking I was talking about them. I was like if you read my response I was not stating all white women. I was saying those women that are boycotting Oprah.

We all know that most of Oprah viewers are middle class to high class white women. Heck those are the ones she normally have on her show anyway. So why jump to the conclusion that I was referring to you..

I have to learn not to be so blunt and direct when stating something. It is too many sensitive people on the net. Why get angry over something another person writes when it was in the comment section in the first place, it wasn't directed to you. It was directed to the person who wrote the entry. It was my response to what she wrote, not the person who wrote it and those who viewed her blog.



Stop jumping to conclusions and read the dern blog... I think people just pick and choose what they want to read. Then try to piggy back on what others think..