No Excuses..

I know I have been going through a lot lately...

Until i saw this photo, it got me to thinking... I have over the years moved mountains for others..

Some one I have cared for and been there for has claimed his love for me..
Over the years I've been dumb to think things would change and he would really be there..
At first things were good.. I saw much of him... Now since I'm in this situation.. I keep getting excuses.. Its like its too hot, i don't have air conditioning in my car..  I'm tired, you know I'm getting old.. I been working more shifts.. I had too many drinks.  Etc Etc Etc..

My whole thought is.. IT YOU LOVED ME, YOU WILL MAKE A WAY...
I'm not happy.. I been in this relationship again for 7 months now.. Silly of me to think this go round would change..

He tells me he has so much going on and he feels he don't know what to do.. He goes on to say Im hard to please.. STFU . Im not..

All i ask of him is to be there.. All i ask is to show me you really want to be a part of my life.. Yes, me taking care of my mother is a strain... I just need to feel someone cares for me.. So no.. I am not hard to please..

I don't know... I do know if you love someone there shouldn't be excuses..

Love at it's Best!! Daily Kisses!! Makes a Brighter day!!

Being with someone can sometimes be overwhelming.. I used to say that I didn't want to fall in LOVE again... Then when I met SOS things CHANGED.. This person is not typically be the type I would date.. So off... So when I looked past her flaws.. I found LOVE .. I finally found what it was ment for me. I can't ask for a better Companion... I am LUCKY... To others they might shun what we have.. Believe me I have heard all the going to hells... So if I am going... I am glad I found Love that I am HAPPY with.. I got my HEAVEN here on EARTH.. Every kiss, every hug, every I LOVE YOU.. Is worth it...

My Mindset....

I aint going to let things get to me.. Today MC posted his relationship status...  I truly believe I am over it.. I seriously didn't let it get to me..  I congratulated him and wished him all the happiness in the world.. The funny thing is I MEANT IT... He seems to be happy and I am glad..

My mindset right now is to have a positive outlook.. My world could be shut down and torn to pieces right now..  I thank God that it isn't.. Last week I lost a good friend due to cancer..  She was a fighter to the end.. She was always in a happy spirit even though her life took a different turn.. So right now she is truly my inspiration...

There is no longer a need to dwell on what I don't have.. It is no need to keep crying over my failed relationships.. All I need to do is be happy and keep on living life.. God has me here for a reason and I don't know what it is, but I will one day find out.

I feel some type of relief of the pressure.. I used to believe that I had to have certain things in order to be happy.. Well I no longer think that way.. I am a SIMPLE woman.. I have accepted the fact that I just want to live a normal, free spirited, simple life.  If I find a man or woman that is equally yoked as I.. Then  I will settle down..  Life is seriously too short to continue to worry.. So I am definitely looking on the BRIGHT side of things... Any and everything is possible...

I am going to Think, I am going to be POSITIVE.. I will no longer live my life with negative thoughts, actions, or spirits..

Happy New Year... 2011

Looking toward what the future brings..

I call him "My Heaven"...

Have you just ever met someone that is a breath of fresh air... Someone who you believe truly understands you.. I swear that we have the coolest friendship.. I know that at one point it was some bumps in the road. It was just things that he was going through made him become so distant... Now since that is all behind us.. We been kicking it once again... It is not like before though.. It has been a little more of a deeper connection..

It has nothing to do with our physical chemistry... I knew from the 1st time I saw him as a grown man.. I was attracted to him. When we look at each other is was like MAN.. We did all that other stuff.. It was wonderful that is about how he got the title "My Heaven".. But since we had that brief time apart... Not only did we miss each other, we became more open.. We talk more and he seems to feel more comfortable talking to me about things...

I just can't describe how he makes me feel. I don't even know how to say the words either... We did say, well I said that I didn't want anything more than just a friendship with him.. Then just the other day, I didn't feel all that well. He came and just laid beside me and held me. I tell you I haven't had that in a long time. It became to the point where I was just a little upset when he left. Him just holding me gave me so much pleasure than having sex with him. He said, "I just wanted to come and check on you.. I wanted to make your day.. " I tell you having him him and him just holding me.. I felt really special..

"My Heaven" isn't perfect.. He is still a work in progress.. Other people might slander his name.. I just know that he might be many things to other people.. I just know he makes me feel alive.. He makes me smile.. He even keeps me comfortable when I am down.. I am glad to know him.. I am happy to have him as my friend...

I just wish I can keep him around, just to hold me and talk to me. It would be nice if at night I go to bed, I would have my friend laying right beside me.. I truly feel that he needs to be there...

You know what.... I don't know what to think...

I am at a lost for words again. I don't know what to think of the events of the last few days. I just know I am not liking it. As I stated in the earlier entry that I am happy right now. I feel that I found someone that would be the right suit for me. Enjoying his company and not rushing anything.

Well the last few times I have noticed him getting aroused when we touch. I have noticed that he looks all dreamy at me. I think it is cute and it is a real boost of confidence for me.  I still want to take this slow. I am not ready for what sex might bring. Sex always seem to damage my way of thinking.

Yesterday was even more awkward.  I didn't stay at home the night before. I hung out with my cousin. So I told him that I will meet up with him later on that day. Well I don't live by myself. So he asked me would I like to come over to his house for a change. I thought about and I was like no.. I can't trust myself being alone with him right now. I am most comfortable at my own home. Well he agreed that it was cool and everything. He said he would hit me up when he is on his way.. That was around 5pm yesterday evening. I haven't heard from ole dude yet.

This morning I saw him on FB for a hot second. I didn't get any response from him or nothing. So I am so dumbfounded. I took a chance to talk to this man and he is acting funny. I have known him all his life but I never thought that he was this type. I might be jumping the gun, but I didn't get no type of call.

So it leads me to believe that because I wasn't willing to give into sex, he is not interested. I could be wrong but what am I to think. My cousin believes he is backing off because he wants it and he doesn't want to get to close right now. I am just shocked by his actions right now. I hope and pray that it isn't what I thought.

I really enjoy this guy. I want to see where this might lead us. I just hope it won't break the friendship that we have now.

I'm Smiling....

You know sometimes not giving up is a good thing. I have been silent about someone that has really caught my attention since he was a young guy.  I would never say anything because at the time I was almost 18 and he was 15. I know... Well I thought he was the cutest young man.

So when he got older, every time I saw him I would get all dreamy eyed. I have seen him in countless relationships. I always wondered why he dated them. I kept my mouth shut though. Over the last few years, I started noticing how he would look at me. I would never say anything. He would also ask about my relationship with MC. It was like he was really concerned about how I was.

Then when I told him that me and MC were no longer together. The question of me and him hanging out became more into play. I would kinda push him off. I just didn't see him wanting to hang out with me. So I didn't know if he was just playing or not.

A few months ago, he added me as a friend on Facebook. So every time he was online he would hit me up. I would always get this bright smile when I saw his name. He started asking me what days were I off from work. I would tell him. Then he would say, I am coming over.  When I saw that my mouth dropped. I didn't know what to say or do. I just agreed and said, OK....

Well over the last few days he has been here EVERYDAY... We would sit and watch movies, listen to music, and talk.  I didn't realize how cool he really was. He brought a smile to my face for sure. He has also gave me new train of thought. I am not saying that this is going to go anywhere. It just feels good to have a male coming around again.

I am not going to get my hopes up. I don't really know his intentions. I just know that it is something different about him. I have known him half of his life. He always been a laid back kind of fella.. He sent me a note this morning on FB and told me how much fun he is having with me. He said I am a really good girl and he is glad that he finally said something to me.  So you know I am smiling from ear to ear right now.

He is coming over tonight too.. He said he is afraid that he might wear out his welcome. I told him to let me decide that... I am going to cook and we gonna watch some more movies...

My thought of Today... Do love Change People...

I know people my say that I changed just a tad since I have been in love. Ive noticed that I don't do certain things that I used to. I don't talk to some of the people that I used to. I still remain the same person.

I know a few people that I deal with on the daily changed, because they are in love. You know you start saying the same things that their partner says. Start hanging with the same people their partner's hang with. They become the similar version of the person they are dating.

In the beginning there was other things they person liked, different from the mate. Then once the hearts and twinkling stars came out. They don't like anything that their partner doesn't like and loves everything their partner's love.

What makes a person do such?

What makes a person lose themselves?

I can say, I might have been so in love with MC. I can say I never changed my ways because of him. I said earlier that I stop doing certain things and talking to certain people. I did that all for the better me. I never once picked up a habit he had. I never say the things he says. I never once wanted to hang out with his friends.

Don't you think some differences can save the relationship?