Time on Earth is Precious...

Over the weekend I lost my childhood best friend. It took some time to process.. I knew the time was coming when the Doctors gave up on her. I really thought that she was going to get through this battle.. Cancer left once then it came back with a vengeance. She remained strong through out it all. I was amazed how strong. I know with me I would have gave up at the first signs.. Her saying, I never knew how strong I was until Strong was what I had to be.
Over the years with drifted a little.. She has children, got married, and move to another city.. We would talk and we still had love for one another.  She really didn't want me to really see her because of my ability to handle stuff like that.. I tell you I am a crier and  a nervous wreck when it comes to sickness.. I never really had to deal with stuff like that. I prayer daily for her daughters and the rest of the family. She was the glue and she ran the whole family.
I was asked to be a Flower girl. I agreed even though I am not a funeral person..

I sit back and look at my mother and how things just keep getting worse, I love my mom and I hate seeing her go through this. Sometimes I can't believe I am doing this all alone too. I am going to enjoy my mom while I have her here.. Time on Earth is so Precious and I can't waste another minute not celebrating...

Prayer goes out to the State of Louisiana..

Being the strong one... When my own life is complicated....

It's hard loving someone and seeing them hurt. It sometimes make you feel there isn't much for you to do. You just try to be strong for them, comfort them, and give them a chance to grieve. This past Saturday SOS lost her favorite and close uncle. I tell you she is taking it hard, yet she is strong.  I am amazed on how well she is taking it. At first she did a lot of crying. See her uncle wasn't sick. He was laughing and carrying on like he normally does... I haven't known him long, but the time I did share with him was all good fun. He was a nutcase. He was very funny, helpful, and loving... Such a great man.

I've been also busy trying to be there for her and be here for my family. Just today my grandmother had triple by-pass surgery. I haven't gotten to go see her yet. My plans is to go see her tomorrow. Since she is in ICU there isn't much we can do at this time.. They said that everything went fairly well... I hope and pray she comes out back in tip top shape... I know that me and my dad side do g hoe much... I have my reasons.. Yet they are still family and I love them.  Boy when they find out I am with a woman.. Lord they might cut up.. Well not to bad since my sister is a Lesbian herself. They didn't like that much either.. I am the 1st and oldest grand... SO YA KNOW... They stay hard on us...

I helped SOS write out her uncles program for the funeral. I happen to run across a poem that I online a few years back... The author is unknown.. It fits Mr Roy's life perfectly... He will truly be missed... Here is that poem...

He Set Me Free Author Unknown

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free,
I'm following the path, God has laid you see.
I took His hand, when I heard him call,
I turned my back, and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee,
God wanted me now; He set me free.

I love SOS and her family dearly... I hope that their family will be able to make it through...

Tell me before it is too late...

I was sitting here thinking about when my cousin Tim had passed.  It was hard for the whole family because he was so well liked and loved. Friends we didn't even know he had packed out the church that day. I mean our BIG church had people even in the balcony. We ran out of programs twice. I was happy to know that a lot of people showed up.  Even it was to be nosy. I knew they loved him or he touched their lives in some kinda way.

When Tim was getting sick and I knew he never would come back home. I felt as if I was losing my best friend. I raised him, but still he felt like my younger brother. I help take care of him at an early age.  I think he got the Diva attitude from me. LOL... When they sent him to hospice, I just could never go. I didn't want to see him suffer like that. I knew he was ready. I knew he just wanted to keep on moving. Someone had told me, that he told them. If he ever found out he had AIDS he no longer wanted to live. He just wanted to die and get it all over with. One day (before he passed) he begged me to come and see him. I just couldn't I tried to explain to him why my heart was just to heavy to see him like that.
He was dying and I know all I would do was cry. He didn't need to see me like that. So he told me to put it all into writing. See he know that I always write down my thoughts. I am not good at telling people things face to face. I can write a letter in a heartbeat though.  So I wrote him a letter and I was going to take it to him.  

That early morning around 12am Hospice gave us a call and said that he had passed. I was relieved and sad at the same time. I ended up rewriting the letter to put in his obituary. He got the letter that he asked for. I am glad that he knew I loved him. I told him that all the time. I am also glad I got the chance to have known such a wonderful person. Although at times he was a mess to deal with.

So what  I am basically trying to say is, don't wait until I die to tell me how you felt about me. Don't come to the funeral just to say how wonderful I am.  I want to know now while I am alive and can understand. I am at the point to where, life is to short. I don't want to die and not know how that person felt. You know the saying.. Don't wait until I die to give me flowers.... Give them to me while I am alive. I believe that it goes the same for words.

I want to know how I impacted a persons life. I want to know if that person cared or not..  So tell me... What do you think of me? How do feel about me?  What kind of person do you see me as? Am I a good friend?  Do you see my loving and caring heart? What do I mean to you?

Those are some of the things I would like to know.. Hey just call me nosy... You never know what just a few words would do to a person... Everyone wants to feel special and loved...