Ready for a NEW Environment!!

As much as I want things to change.. It manages to stay the same.. So I know in order to make things look different for me is to get away.. I am really getting frustrated with things.. I mean SERIOUSLY.. I want to wake up in a different place... I want to go to a different job.. I want to be around different people...  I have got several lottery tickets hehehe.. So if I win, that will seriously get me away..

I am sorry that I haven't been writing as much as I planned to do.. I do have things I typed up but I never actually published on here.. I gots to stop telling you all so much of my business.. LOL
I think I am starting to get out of blogging all together.. I spend so much time on Facebook and all those dang status updates..  I am about to get away from that too.. So much silliness going on there..

It's is also the holiday's.. I am not sure as to what I am going to do for this Holiday Season.. Last year it was so easy.. I had something to really look forward to.. Now.. I don't even know if I am going to do any shopping.. I have thought about just giving everyone a gift card.. I am REALLY not interested in going all out.. Even as far as decorating..  I am not going to be a scrooge I am just not that into it..

I just knew that 2012 was going to be my year.. Well as you all can see.. I am still going through the motions.. So I think change is in order... I am just glad I still have my good spirits and happy smile.. I think without it I think I wouldn't exists.

Seasons Change!

It is becoming more and more visible to me.. People come into your life for a season or a lifetime.. Over the last few weeks.. I felt as if some people shouldn't have ever had that place in my life.. Then there are some, I truly wish will stay forever.... 

I am learning still.. I think that me getting older is starting to see the things I would and will not tolerate.. 

Cause I have been tolerating a lot of BS... I truly hope that since my conversation with my EX and her Girlfriend/Wife, will just help all of the chaos and drama... It has subsided the last week now.. I hope it will continue.. 

My ex is a cheater... She is also a person who looks out for self... Don't get me wrong.. As a friend she has been nothing but WONDERFUL... When I really needed her, she has been there.. She just not good as a mate.. Cause I have saw for myself.. When she don't get her way, she is out the freaking door...

Then her New/Old girlfriend (she was with her before she was with me and went back to her during me)... She is a very insecure and low self esteem person.. I don't think she is, but all the signs are there.. She has been trying to get in contact with me.. She doesn't like that I am still friends on facebook with her woman.. So she always tripping when I like a status.. So basically me and her has some words.. In which I really wanted that... Cause I am getting tired of it all.. I also told my ex she was tripping.. So just say.. The woman isn't gonna bother me anymore.. YAY!

Then the other day I asked my ex a question.. I ask if that woman acts that damn crazy.. Why are you with her? She said .. Tis the season... I am not quite sure as to what that means... LOL

I already know that this woman buys my ex everything and anything she ask for..So I guess that was what it mean..  Who knows those crazy people.. LOL

Then another person I was willing to give another shot.. He is a dumb ass.. I am not figuring out why in the hell this guy came from... He isn't using his brain all to well.. I had to tell him, that he isn't gonna take me through any changes.. I have enough issues to deal with as it is.. He wants me to be one of those women who don't say anything.. Well SHYT HELL dude.. I am not the one..

So as you see.. People are going through this season change with a full swing.. I am glad I am always stuck in the fall.. Cool, Chilled, and colorful.. 

It is me!!

I tried to let go.. You wouldn't allow me.. I tried to forget you.. You wouldn't allow me.. Now as months passed and I still can't forget what happened in the past.

I've been searching for other outlets to share my scream.. I believe it is me... 

It's me who won't let go.. It is me that keep the good times afloat.. 

How can't I get my mind off of you, when I still love you..

I am not in love with the cheater.. I am in love with the liar.. 

I am in love with the person that you made.. It is me..

When I found out the reasons to what broke us apart...

It didn't matter.. You still holds my heart.

I know I am foolish.. I know I am crazy...

But you made this girl life so amazing..

The little things that you still do..

The comfort you give me when I am blue...

The words you give me to make me smile..

All the bad stuff I try to hide...

Now future is so different.. 

I feeling like I am just stagnant.. 

What we once had is now non- existent..

I just wish what happened did not..

I would be lying if I said I didn't feel that way..

Being around you seems to always make my day..

Even if we fussed and fussed until we fought..

Now we are in the friend role..

It still doesn't make me whole..

I wish and I wish I was the one that you would have forever to hold..

It is me.. I got to learn that things don't last forever...

Who am I kidding when I say I would never..

If it was a time I could of had you back...

I would have took you back in a snap..

It is me who has to learn to let go.. 

It is me who has to stop letting my feelings show..

In time I will get over you...

It is up to me who has to know how to do it soon.. 

Mahoganydymond 2012