This post is all about ME... Who I was.. Part I

I was talking to my cousin (best friend) just yesterday. It used to be a point where things were all about me. How I wanted things to go... How I did things just because I was doing me. It gave me such power. I loved it at one point. I tell you though... The backlash of the lifestyle I used to live. It is not good. I now live in a lonely world now.. My karma has finally set in.

I know that I might put to much of my business out here for the world to see. I am just writing what is on my mind. I am writing because in some ways, it might be other people out here going through what I have went through. I don't regret the things I have done. I just wonder what happened.. What made me do the things that I did. Was I that lost to what I didn't really know what was going on.....

I am about to tell you all some things.. I might get a big ole eye roll.. I might get a maybe that is why she acts the way she does type of comment. I am just going to tell you... This post is all about me.. My life, the way I lived, the way I am now getting over it all..

The first thing is.. I am a total freak. Sex used to be a STRONG part of my life. When I say I have done almost everything there is to do sexually I have done it. I played both roles. I was a freak and at some point I might have been a whore.. I loved sex. I needed sex... I needed that physical contact. It didn't matter if was from a guy, girl, or my toys.. It all started early in my teens... I was masturbating at the age of 11... I started fucking at the age of 12...  I knew I like girls at the age of 9.. So I don't know what in the hell I went through. I don't remember hardly anything on my childhood.

Then I was constantly dating older guys. At the age of 16 (which people thought I was like 21) I was dating a guy who was already out of school and had children. I think he was like 22 years of age.. He would pick me up everyday and fuck the hell out of me.. When I say I couldn't get enough. He was a small guy.. Yet I would let him play in my pussy all day if he wanted too.. Well after I would leave him.. I would call up another guy and literally beg him to come over after my mother went to sleep...Now he was a BIGGER dude.. Man I loved it.. To this day I sometimes have flashbacks on how good his stuff was...

It hurt me when I found out #1 was messing around with someone else.. Then #2 ended up going to jail.. So there I was... I was not getting dick for a hot minute... That's when I started kicking it with my best friend.. I knew that she was bi at the time.. We always had similar qualities...  So we got along good.. (whew I miss her)  We ended up having a private thing going on... It was cool while it lasted...

Then back in the mid 90's... I met my match... I met a man that was going to give it to me anyway I wanted it.. I met someone who like my twin soul. He loved sex.. The freakier the better.. I am not going to go into all of the things me and this man used to do.. I will say... It has changed my life forever... So when I say.. Karma is a bitch... I am living it right now...

Thoughts of Today... Secrets...

We all have them. You know those things that only you or another person knows. The things that you keep under lock and key. We sure have a fair share of skeletons in our closets too.

I for one hold many secrets under my belt. There are things I have done that I am not proud of and I keep those things to myself. There are things my friends have done or told me that they know I will keep to myself.

Although I am on the net and I pretty much tell most of my life on here. There are things that not even my closes internet friends, family or associates will never know about me.

It is not being about fear of what they think of me. It is pretty much a secret because it isn't any of their business. My friends have told me things that I vowed never to tell. I did just that. I never told one soul about those things.

My biggest problem is the secrets that I have told and it got back to me that they were told. I tell you that is the biggest betrayal ever. I don't understand how someone could break the trust like that. That is when you start to look deep into that friendship and wonder is it worth having.

If you don't have trust you don't have nothing. So what do we do when there are things you got to spill out yet you don't want certain people to know about these things. I have gotten to the point where I just write private blogs. It helps me say what I need to say but others can not view. I do know that some how someone will figure it out.

Then you have those people who their life is one big old secret... How do you figure those types of people out?