I Release You!

To my Past Loves & Lovers:

Today I release the pain that came with involving myself with you.. This is my Open Letter to you all.

Over the years I held on to the hurt, the pain, and the scars. I wasn’t allowing myself to grow pass it all.

I became the product of each and every one of you made of me.  I held on it for so long I myself believe I might never be able to Love again.. I won’t say that some of it never caused me to become a bitter woman. It has, and for that I have to RELEASE you. I thought holding on to it would guard me from falling for the wrong person again. The truth be told, it allowed me to keep falling for it. I was just a girl that later became a woman that wanted to be loved.

I release you because I want to live again. I release you because I want to find the LOVE that at one time I thought was impossible to have. To have the life I envision for myself has to one of Unconditional Love. A love that, every day is a BEAUTIFUL day because my love is right there with me and in my heart.

I won’t say being with you was all bad. We had our good days. I learned from each and every relationship. I want you to know, when I said I loved you. I did.. I was loyal, faithful, caring, understanding, and was there no matter what. I wanted the same from you all.  Even though our relationship ended I still carried the love in my heart.  I no longer hold unto the anger.. I forgive you; this is why I have to release you.

I wish you all well as some of you may be moved on, married, and living the dream. I hope that you too learned something from me as I did with you all. Take care be Blessed and know that I THANK YOU ALL for what we shared.. The Good and The Bad… The woman who once Loved & Cared

I'm going through some changes...

I was sitting here listening to Ledsi..  Her song song "Goin' through some changes". It could have not came on at a better time. I still going through my issues.  Yesterday was one hell of a day for me. I was so out of my (NEW) character. I promised myself that I wouldn't let things bother me anymore. I suppose to get over it.  I thought that I would be able to handle it.. Lord was I wrong. 

My high spirit went to the ground. I found out that MC is now in a relationship with someone. It is a person I've questioned him about awhile back. So I went to see when all of this could have taken placed.. I went to the BP page, his FB page... I don't believe she is on his Myspace page.. Yea I was stalkerish... I found some things that I didn't want to see.. This OLDER woman even calls him MC like I do.. How dare he let her do that?  She even has a son that is so close to MC's age.. WTFH?

It hurt like hell.. I played it off the best way I could. I told him how I felt about it. Well didn't tell him all.. I gotta keep my cool some kind of way.. Heck he will be reading this pretty soon anyway.  It took close to 3 years before he even acknowledged me as his girlfriend. It took him 4 years to show me to his family. Also to say I was a special person in his life. It took 5 years for him to say he loved me.  So when it only took this woman a few months to get this title I was furious.. Now note that started communicating last year (I think around September).. Just the beginning of this year, I saw where he said she was a special woman in his life..

What the FUCK was I? More and more I think about it.. I wasn't nothing to him. I was just a friend that he kicked with.. I was a person to talk to... I was just someone he screwed..   Hell I didn't work for this relationship for 6 HARD years.. I have nothing to show for it now but a freaking (BROKEN-HEART).. Yea I finally said it.. I am Heart-Broken.. I am upset.. I am dammit MAD... 

I tried to be a understanding woman. I tried to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I was doing all that to keep my sanity. Well all it was doing was bringing me down. Walking around with freaking fake smiles. Telling people that I am ok. Well I can no longer say that.. I am not ok.. I don't know if I will ever be..

Those good times, those memories, the long talks.  I lost myself into this man. My interest with women even came at a halt when I was with him. I felt like everything in the world was so much better, just because he was in it..  He was the one man I can say I ever loved. Too bad, he just couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved..

One day this hurt will soon fade.. Maybe soon, maybe later.. Who knows..!!! I still love that man.. Shyt Hell.... It never took me this long to get over anyone.. I do know I hope that he is happy.. I pray that the woman treats him good.. I also hope he finally knows what love is and how to love someone.. He wasn't too good at doing it with me... I wish you all the luck in the world MC....