Don't like this feeling...

Even though I have embraced being single and not getting involved with anyone else.. Today I got slapped in the face... I miss it.. I miss the feeling of love.. I miss being in the arms of someone.. 

I was washing dishes and I got a whiff of a smell that reminded me of a man. OMG I thought I was going to fall out.. That scent took me to a place where I was remembering what it felt like to be in the arms of a man. To smell his scent when we were on our way out for the evening.. 

Why does things have to be this way? Trying to grip of things.. I broke down and started balling.. These emotions these emotions.. I am getting so TIRED of them.. I know the other night when I was writing my entries for my series My Journey.. I broke down and started crying about how hard it is for me to love.. 

I just want to feel the REAL LOVE.. I have people who want to go out with me.. Then it seems that they only want what's comes in between my legs.. So I have to back away from them.. I wish I had an admirer that would go the distance just to notice I just want to be held. You know laying on the couch watching a good movie and I am in their arms feeling safe and secure.. That was one of the things I missed about Cooper.. He had his ways but he never mind just being there to hold me. 

Being home on the weekend after working hard all week.. I come in the house and rarely go out.. There is hardly anything to do anymore.. I am seriously at the age where I want to settle down.. I just don't know what it will take to find someone to settle with. 

I feel that I am a very loyal and understanding woman.. I am a great catch.. I can say I am a little picky but we all have our preferences.. It's not that I have a long list... I want a Loving, God Fearing, well Groomed, Humorous, Working man.. Is that too much to ask? I can bring Love, Understanding, Commitment, Loyalty,  Humor, and Honesty to the table.. 

My friend today had a status on his Facebook about how men and women over look the good women and men because of their looks and financial status.. I believe that is true in some cases.. I am not the best looking (although I am quick to say I am the finest thing around) person.. I might not be rolling in the dough either.. I live mostly paycheck to paycheck.. I have had people in the past break up with me because of my lacks of.. 

So as I embrace the single life.. Deep inside I miss the companionship of a relationship.. The rest of my life might be living alone and I have come to deal with it.. It just at times I really would like to feel that I am a pleasure to be around.. I still dream of the day that I am the 1st and last things someone thinks about.. A dream that I am never gonna stop having.. .

Hey it's Friday Night.. Don't have shyt to do...

As you can see, I have lost my urge or need to blog..  So I just come by every few days or weeks.. I noticed I even bore my readers.. LOL

Well tonight is Friday and I don't have shyt to do.. I decided to just come over here and drop a few thoughts..  .
I am having the thoughts that as we get older there isn't much we wanna do..  It has been hard for me the last couple of years just to really go out.  So today I decided that I got to get to moving.. I need something to do.
I have even decided to try dating once again.. My problem is meeting people. I have a hard time with that. I also hate dating. I think that is why I normally stick to who I know. Once upon a time. I was such a social butterfly. I used to go out with friends every weekend. I wouldn't met any strangers.. I would party hardy and was never tardy.. Now... I think I don't even like to be around most people.

It seems that most of the men I have been meeting don't want nothing but sex.. I hate that.. I already have someone I enjoy having sex with.. I want someone with some conversation. Today I was talking to a guy that I was thinking about dating. I had told him how I hate when we talk.. He always find some way to change the subject and it becomes about sex. I told him I am not looking for a sexually friendship.. So he said, " What kind of friendship are we going to have?" When I said I was pissed.. I was.. I just hung up the phone and never answered anymore of his calls.

Why is it so hard for me?  I don't come off as a slut.. I am very nice and I don't dress like one either.. So why am I attracting these WRONG men? Is this what all men are like now... Should I just stop trying to fool myself and just crossover.. I am still trying to fight my feelings for women.. It isn't what I want.. Yet no man that I have met the last few months are willing to get to know me. They don't want the emotional, respectful, honest relationship..

I want to know where are the good breed of men.. I don't go to clubs much.. These are just men I met in the stores, online, or my job... So what is the deal here...?

My other friends are in relationships.. Although one is in a bad one... They still hanging on just cause they don't want to be alone.. I guess my standards are still to high.. Yet I've been in countless of meaningless relationships... I just don't want to get into another one..

I just want someone to talk to.. I want someone to be there for me... I want someone that I can go out with.. I don't want to continue to be home while everyone else are out having a good time.. Yea it is Friday night and again.. I don't have shyt to do...