You can try to forgive.. It is that forgetting is the hardest...

I tried to forget the things that two individuals done to me.  It has been close to 8 years since this had happened. First of all the trust has never been regained.. To this day I haven't even begin to really open up to them again. I don't even like the company of one.

Me and my cousin are playing the game on Facebook. I am helping her do a catering job on Cafe World... Bam.. To my surprise it is my ex sending her a message on FB... See back years ago, I was dating a guy. I did like him a lot. I won't call it love but hey we were close (I thought so anyway).. Well the two of them started sneaking behind my back. Yea they were dating.. I kinda knew and had that gut feeling. I was waiting for the day it all came to light. This had went on for months. The two of them started acting funny with me. So one night she got mad at him. Me and him went out and she couldn't take it anymore. So she told me. I was more mad at the fact that it went on behind my back. You know I felt it, but I feel they should have told me.

Years later me and him became friends via FB.. I mean I have seen him a few times before FB.. It was his cousin that told me he was on FB. Like I said I forgave him. So happens he finds her on my friend's list and added her. He promised me years ago that he would never contact her again. He said it wasn't worth it.

Well I had logged on to her account for her. She wanted me to take the dishes off the stove.  I never snoop. It just so happened to showed the message to the side of the screen.. He was telling her how fine she was and  wanted to know did she know it. All that shyt just popped back up.. I mean seriously. I am really mad. I don't even know why though.. With them it was a sex thing. He had and is never going to leave the woman he is with now. They have kids and I believe he is married. See when he was cheating with US.. I didn't know he also had someone else.  I got played you are right. This was the 2nd time also from him.. We also dated in the mid 90's and he cheated on me then.

So people wonder why it is so hard for me to trust. I can't trust family, friends, even strangers.. I forgave the both of them. Hell I have forgave her more than once. She also did this to me before and after this one I am talking about now..  It is going to take time again to get this off my brain.. Damn, I am never logging back unto that account for her.. No telling what I will witness again..

The Truth Never Hurt Anybody... Not me anyway...

Today I became fed up with a lot of things.. When I feel that I am being lied to.. It came make me become really angry... Over the last few years, I have put up with some people where truth is hard for them to tell me. I know from experiences when I person lies to me.. I have became used to it.

Well the guy that I met a few months back via Facebook and Friends.. (he happens to know a lot of people I know personally)... We hit it off right off the bat.. He seems to be cool. I also see him as a good friend.. As I stated before, I am not looking for a relationship at this time. I am still trying to find out what will make me happy... Anyhoo.. When we started hanging out and chatting.. I asked him a few questions that I always ask a man...

1. Are you married or been married?
2. Do you have kids?
3. Where do you work?
4. What are your likes and dislikes?
5. If you are single, do you live with anyone?

He had answered "NO" to all the above. So I was like cool.. I live with my mother right now... I work a lot, but I don't like too.. Also I don't drive at this time, still trying to save to get a car.. I also love my family and friends... I like to hangout with them as much as possible...  I laid all my stuff on the line.. It is no reason for me to lie or fake the funky.. The "TRUTH" always come out in the long run... 

A few weeks had passed.. I started noticing things.. He told me he works 2 jobs.. So I was like since we don't get to see each other much.. Why don't you call me when you get off work.? He never called.. He went out one night.. I again asked him to call when he got in the house.. I even asked him since I was in his town, may I come over..  This man told me no to coming over.. He also "NEVER" calls me when he is at home.. It always while he is working or in his car.. 

So you know me.. I am like this fool lives with someone.. So I started asking him over and over to be HONEST with me.. So you know most men.. He is starting to think I am crazy.. I don't think I am though.. See he is talking like he wants to get to know me.. He is even acting like he wants a relationship... So before I fall for this cat.. I want to know the TRUTH.. 

Tonight I asked him to call me.. He never did,.. He just sent a text.. I told him you better tell me right now.. I am tired of this guessing game.. DO YOU LIVE WITH SOMEONE?  He finally told the TRUTH.. (at least he wants me to think that). He tells me he lives with his Aunt.. I was like ok.. What was so hard about that? I still believe there is something else to this.. Why living with your Aunt equals to you can't call me from your house?  I WANT THE TRUTH DAMN IT....

My Thoughts of Today... Friends

I think I am a very good friend. I have always went out of my way for the people I care about. I am there to listen, give advice (when needed) and been there for emotional reasons. I think that is what a friend is for.

Now I don't have many people that I am close to. In this world today, we have so many people who are just out for self. It makes me hard to trust others. I have about 5 friends and two of them are male. I think it is easier for some women and men to be as such. I know some think that is crazy. Just say with my male friends I don't have to worry about them trying to steal my clothes or my man.

So this is a dedication to all my friends... I love you...