It has been 48 hours since I last talked to him. Over the last few weeks it seemed that everything was going fairly well. I don't know what and why, I haven't received a call back from him. Frankly I don't care. I called a few times and today, I left a message.. "I will not call back".I am serious about this. I am tired of always being the loyal one. I am tired of always being so concerned and what not. Well I take it he does not want to talk to me. It is his choice and I am not putting a gun to his head.
I represent a woman that loves and care about the future. Not just my future alone, but the future of the man I love. He always had commitment issues. I never tried to force it. I just tried to deal with it time and time again. I think he has gotten used to the fact that I always there. Always there when he need to feel loved.
Well you know there are times that I need to feel loved myself. Lonely nights are not so wonderful, if you know what I mean. Living far from a person the only connection you have is a simple phone call. When that becomes non existence you feel neglected. So you start to question the last conversation you had with this person.
Well I stopped years ago wondering what I did wrong. I know that it has never been me in the first place. I have always been upfront, understanding, and loving. I try to put things into place. Then his actions becomes so contradictory. One minute I am the love of his life. The next minute he wants to be freed of me.
I wrote on my other blog a few weeks back about how I am not so independent. It was a conversation I had with him. He was mad because he wants an Independent woman. Now note ( I take care of myself. I have raised myself since I was 14. I work and pay my own bills. I never asked him or anyone else to do jack shyt for me). I just feel in a relationship, there are things that a man should do.
It kills me when a man wants to be treated like a man, and then turn around and act like a punk. It boggles me, what are they thinking... You have to act like a man to be treated as one. Ya feel me?
I had this book for awhile now Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart".
I started reading this book today. It has been on the shelf for a few years. Heck it has been on the shelf since me and MC first meet. I see where the author is coming from. I have put myself in this type of relationship over and over again. I used to think it was me. I know this is not the case.
I had an ex once tell me after we were together for 8 years, You are like a wife and I am not ready for marriage.. This statement has stuck with me for years. I know I am not a perfect person, but damn, it makes me feel like it.
It goes to show you that some men rather be with a whore than a good woman.. I will never be that. So if it means that I must remain single, I'll be that...
