Need a Release...

I don't know if this is because the lack of Sex I've been having or what.. My mind and body is going through some major crazy motions.. I never in my life felt like this until the last few months...

I am no long dealing with Heaven, because he just got to much shyt with him. I can never understand where he is coming from, so I walked away..

Now I no longer have a sex partner and I am about to flip my lids... I have my toys and what not, but I am getting sick of it.. I need body to body contact.. I never went this long since I was in my 20's when I was soul searching..

I was talking to my homegirl last night and I was telling her about my lack of sex..  She said she is going through the same thing herself.  She said she wants to meet someone that has the same drive as she does.. She is in a relationship that she isn't getting it as much and they are still in their 20's..
Now me on the other hand.. I am in my mid 30's and I am not ready to slow down... I just hate going through the point of trying to met and date all over again just to get some.. Damn it Heaven, I swear I can beat his ass right now...

I believe the older I get the worst my hormones are. I can be sitting and a random thought comes to mind and boom,  I am about to nut on myself.. I also can just be walking and the same thing happens again.. Just last night I was talking to someone via FB and he was saying things he been wanting to tell me the last few years.. I was so close to telling him to come to my house.. I mean it is getting that bad.. I try to remain hopeful and this should pass and I won't think no more about the need to feel some intimacy...


It seems that since my Sex Life is dry.. My body and mind is remaining overflowing with juices..  I need a release in my near future...

wanting, waiting, then POW... It sure is good to those who wait....

Have you ever just imagined someone in the bed with you? I mean wanting them so bad that sometimes when you sleep at night in your dream you are making love to them. It seems so real you literally wake up and it felt like you have really just made passionate, explosive sex...

I rarely talk about sex on my blogs. I don't think I really talk about it at all. I just know that this was something I can't keep to myself. So why not tell you all.

You know the crush that I have. You know that we have been chilling for awhile. Then he would have some kind of way with getting me hot and aroused and then leave. Well it went on for a few weeks.  Those weeks turn into some major dreams for me. I am so attracted to him and it has been like this for years.  I would always see him and I would instantly melt. I was excited that it took a babymama, dating outside his race, and relationship to where he felt used. He found his way to me. Not necessary his way to me. We've known each other all our lives.  To make a long story short.. We always had a connection, just wasn't the time to connect.

As I stated I started having these dreams of it all. The I even questioned myself should I continue to talk to this guy. I mean we have a great time together and it is not just about sex. We are good friends and chilling with him is also a plus. I just know that our chemistry is so beyond platonic friends. It has always been that sexual attraction from the day I first saw him as a man.

Well that day finally came not to long ago. I tell you I had to pinch myself to make sure when it happened that I wasn't dreaming. I tell you dreams come true. His love making was ooooooooooooo so my oooooooooooooooo so Gosh... I have had some great sex in my life time, but this man is got me tippie toeing..  It wasn't like the rainbow color clouds I saw with MC. Which I do say was wonderful. It was something that I felt was meant to happen. I found another passionate lover. OO even talking about it making chills go all over me.


I stared wanting and waiting for this moment to happen. I never thought that it would. It seems like a lifetime was put between the two of us. I had to go all those years wondering would I even get the chance to get close to him. Then when I got his call wanting to see me after he got off work. I was already in rare form and was ready for it to happen. I was going to make sure he didn't leave my house without laying himself on me.

His deep, soft to strong strokes glided in and out of me. Making my wall seep my sweet juices from them. Then him holding my breast like they were the perfect roses in his hands. OMG... He took me to a place that was so familiar to me... It was the place that I constantly had in my dream.. The man that I have desired for so long giving me ultimate pleasure. I no longer had to wake up from this one. The feeling was oh so real.  It was more than I expected....

Good things sure does happen to those who wait.. I am so glad we took our time. I am happy that ever since that day.. It has gotten better and better... He is not only my friend but he has reached another level.. He is now my lover....

This post is all about ME... Who I was.. Part I

I was talking to my cousin (best friend) just yesterday. It used to be a point where things were all about me. How I wanted things to go... How I did things just because I was doing me. It gave me such power. I loved it at one point. I tell you though... The backlash of the lifestyle I used to live. It is not good. I now live in a lonely world now.. My karma has finally set in.

I know that I might put to much of my business out here for the world to see. I am just writing what is on my mind. I am writing because in some ways, it might be other people out here going through what I have went through. I don't regret the things I have done. I just wonder what happened.. What made me do the things that I did. Was I that lost to what I didn't really know what was going on.....

I am about to tell you all some things.. I might get a big ole eye roll.. I might get a maybe that is why she acts the way she does type of comment. I am just going to tell you... This post is all about me.. My life, the way I lived, the way I am now getting over it all..

The first thing is.. I am a total freak. Sex used to be a STRONG part of my life. When I say I have done almost everything there is to do sexually I have done it. I played both roles. I was a freak and at some point I might have been a whore.. I loved sex. I needed sex... I needed that physical contact. It didn't matter if was from a guy, girl, or my toys.. It all started early in my teens... I was masturbating at the age of 11... I started fucking at the age of 12...  I knew I like girls at the age of 9.. So I don't know what in the hell I went through. I don't remember hardly anything on my childhood.

Then I was constantly dating older guys. At the age of 16 (which people thought I was like 21) I was dating a guy who was already out of school and had children. I think he was like 22 years of age.. He would pick me up everyday and fuck the hell out of me.. When I say I couldn't get enough. He was a small guy.. Yet I would let him play in my pussy all day if he wanted too.. Well after I would leave him.. I would call up another guy and literally beg him to come over after my mother went to sleep...Now he was a BIGGER dude.. Man I loved it.. To this day I sometimes have flashbacks on how good his stuff was...

It hurt me when I found out #1 was messing around with someone else.. Then #2 ended up going to jail.. So there I was... I was not getting dick for a hot minute... That's when I started kicking it with my best friend.. I knew that she was bi at the time.. We always had similar qualities...  So we got along good.. (whew I miss her)  We ended up having a private thing going on... It was cool while it lasted...

Then back in the mid 90's... I met my match... I met a man that was going to give it to me anyway I wanted it.. I met someone who like my twin soul. He loved sex.. The freakier the better.. I am not going to go into all of the things me and this man used to do.. I will say... It has changed my life forever... So when I say.. Karma is a bitch... I am living it right now...

My Thought of the Day.. Friends with Benefits...

My thought of the day has been on my minds for years. I can not quite get the point of some people. The conversation I had with a good friend from the past triggered me. It fired me up last night. So then this morning I went to ask a few more men about the subject.

I am talking about men and maybe some women who wants only sex and nothing more. Come on people, where is the respect in that. I am so FREAKING tired of that lifestyle. Who in the hell ever came up with it? It is on the same lines of this Independent Woman shyt. I don't like it what so ever.

In my early 20's, I went out with a few dudes. I kicked it with them and maybe one or two I screwed. It came a point where I had to put a stop to it. I wanted more and they was saying crap like it is better just the way it is. I was like huh? How is it better? Is it better because you can go out and screw whom ever you want and not have to answer to anyone else... Well to those who are willing to suck themselves on that and taking a chance of catching something, go right the hell on. My door will not be opened for you...

So back to a friend of mine, he was saying that he was wanting to find someone that he can screw from time to time. I told him to go out and find a girlfriend. He was like Hell Naw, I don't want that. So I was getting confused. Cause who is just going to screw a man and her not being his girlfriend? He said I want... A Friend with Benefits... I said, what woman wants to be in that type of relationship.. I told him go out and find a steady WHORE... He just better make sure he has more money in his pocket.. A dick aint just enough when it comes to that type of relationship. He said he can't handle the more that a woman wants. He don't want the drama that comes with a relationship. He likes his own space and freedom.. I think those type of men are COWARDS.. They don't know how to be a real man. He lacks how to treat women with respect. So whore hurt him in his past and he don't know how to get out of that rut..

So once I got up this morning I call the King of I don't want a relationship... I asked him what is it with men and not wanting to commit themselves to a woman. His big answer was, I am scared... I was like how in the hell a grown ass man can be scared? He said if his feelings get hurt he gonna cry or something. I asked him he don't want to get hurt but he is constantly hurting the females. He said he aint doing such, because he told the woman before hand he didn't want one.

I think men and women need to stop playing these games with one another. If you don't want a relationship, then don't pursue that person. If you just want sex go buy a crackhead or whore... I am so tired of the mixed signals. I am so tired of the saying, Friends with Benefits. I am a woman who wants and needs more. I want a friend, a lover, a companion, security, and commitment. I don't need a man on the side.. I don't need a booty call. I want a man to be mine and all mine.
So I say no... to this...