A weekend to myself..

Yea one of those weekends I could have been out doing something.. Yet I opt out.. This weekend has been full of medication and too much time to think.. I hate thinking.. It really causes so much grief.. 

The one thing I really did do was write and clean.. I should have called my Diva and went and spent the weekend with her.. Maybe I wouldn't had this time to deal with all these thoughts running through my head, because I would have been drunk.. LOL

I don't know why I constantly get in my feelings.. I guess because I normally hold them in for so long.. I said that I can no longer hold things in. So I have took a lot of it into writing.. I keep allowing people to used me up. Not in that sense but as far as my emotions go. Then I withdraw for awhile. I come back out then I withdraw again.. Then you wonder why I am a mental case.

I have a new celebrate crush.. I realize this after I started pinning her pictures.. Lupita Nyong'o.. she is so BEAUTIFUL!! I also congratulate her on all her success.. She is the new IT girl.. 
I am now here doing what I do best.. In the Kitchen.. LOL

Hey it's Friday Night.. Don't have shyt to do...

As you can see, I have lost my urge or need to blog..  So I just come by every few days or weeks.. I noticed I even bore my readers.. LOL

Well tonight is Friday and I don't have shyt to do.. I decided to just come over here and drop a few thoughts..  .
I am having the thoughts that as we get older there isn't much we wanna do..  It has been hard for me the last couple of years just to really go out.  So today I decided that I got to get to moving.. I need something to do.
I have even decided to try dating once again.. My problem is meeting people. I have a hard time with that. I also hate dating. I think that is why I normally stick to who I know. Once upon a time. I was such a social butterfly. I used to go out with friends every weekend. I wouldn't met any strangers.. I would party hardy and was never tardy.. Now... I think I don't even like to be around most people.

It seems that most of the men I have been meeting don't want nothing but sex.. I hate that.. I already have someone I enjoy having sex with.. I want someone with some conversation. Today I was talking to a guy that I was thinking about dating. I had told him how I hate when we talk.. He always find some way to change the subject and it becomes about sex. I told him I am not looking for a sexually friendship.. So he said, " What kind of friendship are we going to have?" When I said I was pissed.. I was.. I just hung up the phone and never answered anymore of his calls.

Why is it so hard for me?  I don't come off as a slut.. I am very nice and I don't dress like one either.. So why am I attracting these WRONG men? Is this what all men are like now... Should I just stop trying to fool myself and just crossover.. I am still trying to fight my feelings for women.. It isn't what I want.. Yet no man that I have met the last few months are willing to get to know me. They don't want the emotional, respectful, honest relationship..

I want to know where are the good breed of men.. I don't go to clubs much.. These are just men I met in the stores, online, or my job... So what is the deal here...?

My other friends are in relationships.. Although one is in a bad one... They still hanging on just cause they don't want to be alone.. I guess my standards are still to high.. Yet I've been in countless of meaningless relationships... I just don't want to get into another one..

I just want someone to talk to.. I want someone to be there for me... I want someone that I can go out with.. I don't want to continue to be home while everyone else are out having a good time.. Yea it is Friday night and again.. I don't have shyt to do...

Da weekend run down.

Over the weekend me and my friends got together again for our Seafood Party... The picture above is from the last one we had.  I will tell you this one was our last one that we are going to have. It was fun but this time we had entirely too much seafood. It was several people who didn't show up too.  I enjoy the time that I get to spend with my friends. Especially since my mood has been so down.

So after eating and have a few drinks.. We all decided to go out for the night. We did have someone that remain sober.  We hit up a bar that my ex works at. It was good seeing him. He seem to always put a smile on my face with his silly self. After that we rode around checking to see what things are open.
I tell you the funniest part of that night was we ended up at a Mexican Strip club.. I still can't get over the things that I saw.  I am so LOL on the whole thing.

I went to the Anderson Jockey Lot on Sunday. I am not a big fan of that place, but I did buy a few things. When I finally made it home. I tell you I was so beat out. I think I ended up sleeping the rest of the day away. So getting up this morning getting ready for work, it wasn't a good look...I want to crawl back into bed...