The run down of the run down...

Happy New Year to you all... I am kinda glad for this new year. Last year well last month was HORRID for me.
It seems like after Thanksgiving everything in my life was falling apart.. It first started when my depression kicked in 10 folds.. It was so bad that I had just really had to take a break from almost everything.
 Mom got sick and it seem like nothing helping her. Her doctor prescribed a antibiotic it worked while she was taking it but a few days later she was back sick again.  I was so afraid I was about to lose my mom.. She even stopped walking and stopped responding to most things. She wanted to sleep a lot and it was nothing I could do..  One Sunday I just couldn't take it anymore, I called EMS and we headed to ER...  We found out she was dehydrated and also had Pneumonia.. So they pumped her with a lot of antibiotics and IV fluids. In two days mom was back to being alert but however still not able to walk. She totally depends on me for everything.. I bathe, feed, change her, and give her medications. It's rough doing this alone even though we have aides and nurses to visit the home.

Speaking of At home help... (emotional part of December)One of my mom's aides that we adored so much lost her life on Christmas Day.. She was such a BIG help not only to my mom's life but mine. We didn't have to  worry with La-Shun around.. A beautiful woman inside and out.. She was genuinely a fresh of air. She cared for people.. Man, she was a SWEETHEART! I didn't have to worry about my mom with her. I didn't have to work period. She helped me get things that my mom needed when he case worker was just so stagnant, She helped me decorate for Fall and Christmas.. She even helped pay for my Birthday celebration.. She was my sister.. I didn't know her long.. We met in August after mom slapped her last aide. Mom LOVED La-shun.. Even to this day mom didn't really know her name yet she still calls out.. She would look at me and say "where is she?" Every time I get tears forming in my eyes.  On Christmas Day she came to help me bathe and get mom dressed for the day. I normally gave her holidays off but since mom is no longer walking I needed her help. She was so full of life that morning.. She gave mom gifts and watched her open them. She ate breakfast with us.. I am normally depressed and so gloomy on Christmas so she tried everything in her power to cheer me up.. She was excited to spend time with her family.. She said see you tomorrow and for me to please smile for her... I gave a fake smile..  Three hours later the company she worked for called and told me she was dead.. On her way to her next client she had a car wreck that threw her out the window and she went into cardiac arrest and died.. I am still trying to cope with the fact she is gone. I also couldn't watch the local news because they kept playing the video at the scene.  I got new aide but they will not measure up to her.. I even had to let one go after working  3 days.. The heffa put her feet on my chair and came in high.

I had a total of 5 people I knew died in the month of December.. La-Shun, then my former church pastor that was big part of my life growing up.. My Best friend that died two years ago her mom died 3 days before Christmas, one of my friends that I had in school..I also had a cousin to pass...
So you all see why December was not a good month for me.

It's a New Year so I claim in the name of Jesus this year will be so much better.. Mentally, emotionally, and physically better..

Bye Bye 2016

In all my life I think this has been the hardest year on record..
A lot of changes happened.. I learn who my real friends are. I also realized those who genuinely supports and respects me.

Seeing the changes in my mother have been heartbreaking.  I am glad that she has me though. Back in May I had to leave my job to be home with her. When I tell you when you are at the bottom most people that you have been a support to will leave you with no problems.  I guess you can say, They were never a friend to begin with.

This year I lost one of my best friends from childhood. She lost her life due to cancer... She fought long and hard for about 3 years with the disease. I truly miss seeing her smile.. My prayers are with her family especially her Daughters.. She was the glue to the family..

The celebrities death, man oh man... So many of them.. Prince was hard on me, I still upset about that... Then Rickey Harris, Boy George, and Maurice White, and so many others.. I think I counted around 50 of them that passed away this year. So sad...

2016 seem to have been a year of mourning, disappointments, and hardships for so many people.
So yes, I am ready to see this year go. I thought at 1st 2015 was bad... NOT it was a doozy  compared to this year.

I think the good thing that came out of this year was that I moved into a home that I can be proud of. A nice home, a beautiful home, and comfortable home.. Now paying the bills is another thing.. LOL


I hope each and every one of you have a Happy New and Prosperous New Year...

1 Love!!

Welcome 2016..

It is a New Year.... I am thankful to see another year.. Another year to get it right.. I lost so much in 2015.. I am happy for this New Year.. I've started my frugal living too.. I want to be able to save money.. I trying to get back on the financial track. I trying my best to catch up my bills and what not. So maybe soon I will be able to be free from this debt. I was almost on to the good credit until life happened.. :(

My goals for the new year are:

Spend no more than 50 dollars is groceries a week..
Save at least 20 dollars a week..
Pay my bills on time...
Find another part time job...
Continue to live in peace...

I know it seems minimum  but hey... I live for the simple life..
I wish you all well in the new year!!!1 <3 br="">

A New Year!!! Let's see what's in store..

I know it's been a long minute.. Sorry about that.. I've just haven't been in the mood to publish anything. 

A new year is finally here.. I'm glad to see another year as always.. This year I will be turning 40... :( I can't believe it's been 10 years since I was 30.. So I have been doing a lot of reflections as of late. 

I am almost 40 and to say, I haven't accomplished anything that I am totally proud of. 

I am still at a job that I have been working for 21 years... I still home with mom, because of her illness.. I am still single.. with one prospect but he can't get right.. I am still childless... For some reasons I will not display on here...

Just the average Jane that works and comes home.. I have another blog that I talk about my boring life.  I posted on my facebook the other day how I need to find something to do. The ones that I call my friends, they are married with kids, have kids, or still partying.. I am not one who likes to party the way I once did. 

I am in the process of getting my life back on track. I am still in a spiritual journey that I am putting all my faith and worries in God's hands. I see that life with him is so much better than trusting in man. I also being trying to restore trust in people. 

The weight loss journey is about to start all over again. I pray that I will be able to succeed and keep it all off this time.. Also going to try and stop smoking.. They are raising my insurance an extra 125 a month just cause.. No one have that kind of money to blow.. Even if they did I am not sure they want to pay that much.. 

Goodbye 2011

As the NEW YEARS starts and the OLD YEAR ends... I have many blessings and things to be thankful for. I also have a few things that I am not so happy with. Although I will not bring them into the new year... 2011 brought so many changes into to my world. At times I don't know if I am coming or I am going. I still remain positive and hopes for the best.

This year I learned that you can't always be EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY.. You have to learn how to LIVE for yourself.  I had to STOP being a Save a person, Help a person, and being SUPERWOMEN to a person. I give so much of my self to people. Then others wonder why at times I can be a true BYTCH.

I also learned that letting go of something might  be good for you, it also helps the next person become a better person. Holding on to things that are already broken might have been the cause of your own happiness and destruction. Forgiving a person and not forgetting is just not healthy in a persons life. People change within seasons and time. It doesn't mean you don't still love and care for that person.. You just have to give time to heal the wounds... In some cases it might take days, months, and years...

2011 I found love in the most unexpected place. It's funny when you look back and say DAMN.. I mean did I look a LOVE differently? I never experienced this type of LOVE ever.. I had so much heartache in years past... I kept holding on to the negative side of it all.. I was really that song..."Looking for Love in all the WRONG PLACES.." I am now thankful and happy that I have this time to enjoy the pleasures of it...

The bad part of 2011 brought health problems, right along with stress... I never had High Blood Pressure.. Now I suffer from it day to day.. My job is the main cause of it I believe.  I just don't know what to do at this time.. Maybe 2012 will shed some light in my progress of growth.

Stress of living life also have taken a tole on me. As stated before.. I try to be all things to all people.. Stress on trying to make others happy put a lot on my emotional health. I look to places where I felt I mattered... Then I let so many people down. Not doing it on purpose but doing it cause I didn't know who I could trust with my well being..

I am looking forward to 2012  some might say it will bring the end of the world.. I think it is a NEW BEGINNING in the life of Mahoganydymond... I wish you all Love, Peace, Happiness in 2012..