I sometimes feel like I am losing it...

Everyday is a battle with getting my mom up and dressed...
So I have been just letting her do what she wants... If she want mixed matched shoes... If she doesn't want to take a shower... I just let her be.. Unless we have to go to a doctors appointment.. Then I just argue with her until she does it..  Why is it that older folks get to the point of not caring about hygiene?  My grandmother did the same thing...

So I am on this make sure she takes her medicine and you feed her well... Anything else just go by day to see what mood she might be in..  Since I have been doing that my blood pressure has went down some.. I am not on 3 types of medication for it.. I can no longer drink so the glass of wine or a shot of tequila doesn't can calm me down anymore..

So I am choosing my battles with this woman.. In the process I am starting to put my #JetLeeChronicals into play.. To help those who are their parents caregiver to show it is ok to laugh when you really feel like crying... My mom is hilarious and there are things she does daily that will make anyone smile..

Looking at my Blessings with the side eye on my life in general..

I am thankful for everything. I am one of the most humblest people in the world. I have always known how to survive and make the best of everything. I have learned over my years on this earth that most of the time there are things you really don't need and a want is just a want. You can go without it and you can find ways to something equivalent to what you want.
So I am blessed. I am also blessed to still have my mother here. Although daily her health and mind is not the mother I once knew.. It breaks my heart but I know this comes with age. As I said before, been down this road before with my grandmother Bernice.

I almost peed in my pants this morning when I called my doctor office and was said that I have a zero balance. I just knew they wasn't going to see me any longer because I can't afford insurance anymore and I was making monthly payments until the move... I stopped paying around August because of finances.. I was ready to start back paying them and when they said that I was like Look at God.. Won't he do it.. (insert praise)

(side-eyeing Life)

This past year I have felt so lonely. I have felt that no one really cares about me or what I am going through. I know over the years I have pushed people away but that were some I wasn't really close to.. Since I have moved into this new home and been going through the motions with mom and my health.. It's like no one calls, no one writes, and no one stops by... I don't even get inboxes on Facebook asking how am I doing.. It is the little things that would perk me up.

It amazes me when you are always there for others when you just need a conversation no one has time to just be there for you.. People do have their own lives and I know some don't know what to expect from me time after time.. My emotions and my moods be all over the place.. I just want a good gut busting laugh.. Something that lets me know life still exist..

Settled in....

I never thought that I would ever move out of my childhood home. So many memories...

Besides still going through it day by day.. I am finally settled in...  I think I am happy in this new place.. It is a step up from the old and so much space... I wanted and needed a bigger house and I finally got it.. It still is taking a little to get used to because I rarely in my bedroom like I once was.. (haven't had a lazy day in months)..

I am kinda scared of what my electric bill is going to look like. I'm barely making it as is.. I am hopeful though.. A way will be made some kind of way..

Mom is liking it. Her sleep patterns is so much better than it used to be. She occasionally wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom but as far as that, she is sleeping very well.

I pretty much have all my decorations in order.. My living room is Afrocentic and my Bathroom is too.. My bedroom is a little of Afro, Bohemian, and Glamour.. You can call it eclectic.. My kitchen is red and sunflowers... Mom's room is old country chic..

I hope to make this home a home that I can be comfortable in for a long time. So far it is..

Ready for a blessed and promising new year!!

Some of the things going on.. In the Life of a Dymond!!

Since The Blog Challenge is over...

I started feeling lost.. I know right!!

My vacation was now over.. I had went back to work today..

Why? Why? Why? 

I ended up trying to play catch up from the other mistakes that were made while I was gone..

So yes it was a very stressful day for me. I made it through, THANK GOD!

I have noticed over the last few weeks.. I am getting attention that isn't warrant..

I know it is SPRING, but why the horny toads after me.

I had to snap down a few men over the last few weeks..

I am trying to figure out if I got I WANT YO DICK tattooed on me some where.

I try to have conversations with guys.. You getting to know you type thing.. 

I swear within the same frame they will bust out something that has to do with sex.

I am like come on now.. I am trying to date, but I am not trying to screw.. (there is a difference)..

It is started to get old with me..

As far as everything else.. Life is pretty grand.. I got to talk to my bestest and I found out what has been troubling him. I pray that everything goes well him soon.. I can't handle him being down.. He can't be down.. I know on the days I am in the dumps he lifts me up with laughter.. So yea.. He better get that shyt fixed and quick.. I wanted to talk to him about someone I am kinda crushing.. Then I said, I might just keep it to myself just a little while longer.. I know him.. He might go tell them.. LOL He just wants to see me happy.. That is a good thing too.. I want to see myself happy also..

 I'm tripping to on some things that are going on in my life.. It has been something are becoming more obvious..  I am cracking up about it.. Trying to work on my plans with my wedding.. Someone told me that just wait cause things might look up for me in the RELATIONSHIP department.. 

It's funny how everyone think they know your life.. I've been hearing for years on years about the ONE.. Heck.. I am the ONE.. :)

I was just filling you in on what's been going on the last few days..

Ready for a NEW Environment!!

As much as I want things to change.. It manages to stay the same.. So I know in order to make things look different for me is to get away.. I am really getting frustrated with things.. I mean SERIOUSLY.. I want to wake up in a different place... I want to go to a different job.. I want to be around different people...  I have got several lottery tickets hehehe.. So if I win, that will seriously get me away..

I am sorry that I haven't been writing as much as I planned to do.. I do have things I typed up but I never actually published on here.. I gots to stop telling you all so much of my business.. LOL
I think I am starting to get out of blogging all together.. I spend so much time on Facebook and all those dang status updates..  I am about to get away from that too.. So much silliness going on there..

It's is also the holiday's.. I am not sure as to what I am going to do for this Holiday Season.. Last year it was so easy.. I had something to really look forward to.. Now.. I don't even know if I am going to do any shopping.. I have thought about just giving everyone a gift card.. I am REALLY not interested in going all out.. Even as far as decorating..  I am not going to be a scrooge I am just not that into it..

I just knew that 2012 was going to be my year.. Well as you all can see.. I am still going through the motions.. So I think change is in order... I am just glad I still have my good spirits and happy smile.. I think without it I think I wouldn't exists.

                                                                      graphic from "Mediaatvictory.com



I am starting to get tired of being Misunderstood.  I don't get why people think I suppose to act one way... I don't get why people refuse to listen to my side of things.  Some feel like I complain a lot. Also think that I need to just suck it up and get over it. In some cases that could be true. I have a right to feel though...

As you all know I lost 3 people that I was close to right when I started dating my former SOS. The people I went to have a good time with. The people that I went to when I needed a friend to talk to.. The people who kept me company when I was down and depressed... I NO LONGER HAVE THOSE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

Since I've been out of work due to my surgery. I been to myself. I can't hang out.. Even if I did, who would I hang with. I have been getting a little depressed again. I have too much time to myself. So when I have that time, I THINK A LOT.. Me and thinking don't get along.

So today while talking to my Former SOS.. I became kinda PISSED... I wasn't mad, but I wasn't to happy. We were talking about how I have been acting lately. Yea, I haven't been in the best of moods.. It has nothing to do with the reasons she feel is the problem. She thinks I need to get out meet people and start back doing the things I did before I met her. (she fail to realize) I can't do those things at this moment and time. I am still in recovery. I am still broke.. I no longer have local friends.  As of late she has been dishing that out.. Well DUH!! You are part of the freaking reason..

I can make up and try to reconcile my friendships.. Why though? It was some hateful, rude, and embarrassing things that were done and said. How can I get that friendship back? What if I decided to get involved again in another relationship? They might start tripping again... I don't need that...

What I need for them to know... I have every right to feel the way I feel... You think you know me... Seriously you don't....

A little of what's going on.....

Life.... That is what's been going on... Everyday living with some twist.. Pretty much keeping to myself. Going to work, coming home, and chilling. I've been trying to focus on the directions I want to go. Still  saving money so when the time come to as where I can move. Everything will be in it's place. 

My friend's are starting to wonder when the OLD Tracy will again return. The only thing I can say, "When I find me some peace".... I am still bombarded with stress.. I know everyone will tell you.. "Let go and Let God.." I am doing that very thing, but somethings I wish I could have control over. 

The other day, we got some "NEW" neighbors.. Well it is just one guy, but he is turning this street into a busy bus station or something. I know the other ones are nerve wrecking.. This one is topping the cake.. He is LOUD and always hollering at folks that walk down the street. I am so sick of this GHETTO living. I really people would have some type of respect for others. I see they are TRULY lacking.. I am glad my folks raised me right..

Me and Heaven are having our usually in and outs. Last week he was truly an angel. He was be so attentive and compassionate.. This week.. Let's just say.. I said it on FACEBOOK that he is CUT off..  I really didn't mean it. I am just getting used to his yo yo..  So now I don't EXPECT much from him.. If he comes by fine.. If he doesn't fine.. My life isn't on hold for him. We don't have an commitment anyway. 

Those who really read my blog, knows about me and my mother... I have said this before.. I love that woman to death.. It is just she still wrecking my nerves.. How do I stop her from worrying about things...? How can I persuade her into enjoying her LIFE...  My mother used to be this carefree, outgoing, socialite.. Now she sits in the house.. Worrying about her health... Worrying about her sister and brothers... When she talks to her friends.. It is either about Who Died, What medication she is taking, or What hurts... I mean come on Lady.. Is this still the woman who had men and her feet? A woman who didn't go to a party without the flyest gear... Even the woman who could drink Tanqueray Vodka with the greatest of ease..  I don't get it.. I know once you get older life changes... I still feel that my mother is young.. She is only 63.. Her life isn't over...

As for everything else.. It is the same ole shyt just a different day....... Enjoy your week.. If anything exciting happens.. I will be sure to fill you all in.. lol