Programs that suppose to help you...

The past couple of months our Electricity bill has been sky high.. It's because of the weather being so hawt.. However I been cutting back usage.. I don't dry clothes anymore.. I wash every two weeks.. I don't run lights half of the time.. Heck I been keeping the air on 78... 

I am still waiting on my mother case worker to get things in order so I can get paid to stay with her or get someone to be here while I go to work. It is taking forever it seems.. 

I called the local Share for the past 4 weeks about getting help I kept getting "We are not taking appointments".. So I also called some churches that offer help to and they are all out of funds too. 

I truly hate going through this. I for one don't like to ask for help.. I used to be the helper.. The people that I was helping as you know, I don't hear from them.. 

I'm not suffering or anything but with all this going on, I have to let things I like to go to the waist side. 

I also think these programs need to hire people friendly folks. These people have been so rude. I mean that is a esteem blaster.. I already feel depressed and upset about this change in lifestyle then to have people talk to me like I am useless and unworthy really has taken it's toll on me. I never would treat people that way and never have. A lot of folks like myself can't help the situations that they are in. They need people with compassion and a heart.
I got to the point where I felt that they just there collecting a paycheck and not wanting to help people. 

I think once I get back on my feet I am going to start up a program or some kind of support system for folks that takes care of their parents and can't get extra help from these government programs and other non profits.  

My Thoughts of the Day... Suicide..(It gets better, Believe me)

I never has something like this happen this close to my family before. I have been depressed before. I even had these thoughts. I am sure many of you have. I am thankful that I have the Lord and my family on my side. Also with the help of a few friends, this may never be my option...

Monday my cousin (my crackhead cousin half brother) tried to end his life. He hasn't been himself in a few years. It seems when he came back home, he couldn't walk the way he used to. I am not sure of the cause of it. I never knew of him until a few years back.

Since I've known him he was on the strange side. I didn't think much of it because he was raised up north. You know us Southerners think alot of Northerners are strange. Heck it is goes both ways. So I did my part and speak when I saw him. Matter of fact the last time I saw him was on Mother's Day. He was at my Godmother's house.

On Monday when my mother came home from a funeral. My aunt called and said that her neighbor had saw the police talking to my cousin and he was shot. Well the acts of violence has been going on a lot in this town as of late. The Crackheads and Thugs are running wild. So when my mother finally got in contact with my Godmother the news was different.

To come to the point he shot himself. He also said to the police that he was waiting to die. Someone called the police and he feels that is why he didn't die. He is now in the hospital getting the help that he needs. I hope that they will also find out why he wanted to do such an act on himself.

Depression and Failure seems to always be the reason of people having suicidal thoughts. I just want anyone out there that might read this. It truly gets better. The only thing you need to do is think better about yourself. God will carry it through for you. Don't worry about other people. It is you who makes your life worth living for. So please talk to someone. They have phone numbers posted everywhere. If you are afraid to call on anyone, kneel down and pray... God truly does listen...