Is it possible to Love someone so much as to the point you don't want to be with them?

This has been a question pondering through my head.. 

As you know that me and my bestest has this deep love for one another. 

We have been there for one another for awhile now. 

Have our ups and downs.. We still manage to be each other comforter..

Then this question gets me. We are sorta toxic toward one another too.. You can feel our chemistry and the passion, yet we don't see eye to eye on things. So from time to time, we might misunderstand one other.. I will be thinking one thing and he will be thinking another. 

Today we had a long and very intense conversation. I know this man loves me.. This man tells me that all the time. What got me in this conversation was powerful... his words..

"I would not hurt you physically and I sure don't want to hurt you mentally. I love you more than you will understand and I want you to be happy. I will not make you happy at this point in my life. You mean a lot to me.. I am not mentally ready for a relationship with you.."

So it had me thinking that maybe we really aren't meant to be in a relationship..  Could we still love one another and never be with one another?  Do love has to always be in a relationship with one another.? Couldn't you love someone and not be with them.. I know people do it all the time, but what good is a love of a person when you can't share everyday together. 

I want more than anything for him to be happy. He has had his share of bad just as I have had.. 

So who knows what our future holds.. We don't know.. I do know that it has been a long time since I have felt love like this.. What makes it even more strange is it is from the very person that knows ALL ABOUT ME... They say Friends make the best lovers.. I am not sure.. In time it might be the best  for us. At this point I don't think so.. 

You know if we go further what if it doesn't work out.. Would we lose the friendship that we once had..?

Time will tell with us.. Right now, it feels good to know someone loves me enough to be honest about their heart...

Don't like this feeling...

Even though I have embraced being single and not getting involved with anyone else.. Today I got slapped in the face... I miss it.. I miss the feeling of love.. I miss being in the arms of someone.. 

I was washing dishes and I got a whiff of a smell that reminded me of a man. OMG I thought I was going to fall out.. That scent took me to a place where I was remembering what it felt like to be in the arms of a man. To smell his scent when we were on our way out for the evening.. 

Why does things have to be this way? Trying to grip of things.. I broke down and started balling.. These emotions these emotions.. I am getting so TIRED of them.. I know the other night when I was writing my entries for my series My Journey.. I broke down and started crying about how hard it is for me to love.. 

I just want to feel the REAL LOVE.. I have people who want to go out with me.. Then it seems that they only want what's comes in between my legs.. So I have to back away from them.. I wish I had an admirer that would go the distance just to notice I just want to be held. You know laying on the couch watching a good movie and I am in their arms feeling safe and secure.. That was one of the things I missed about Cooper.. He had his ways but he never mind just being there to hold me. 

Being home on the weekend after working hard all week.. I come in the house and rarely go out.. There is hardly anything to do anymore.. I am seriously at the age where I want to settle down.. I just don't know what it will take to find someone to settle with. 

I feel that I am a very loyal and understanding woman.. I am a great catch.. I can say I am a little picky but we all have our preferences.. It's not that I have a long list... I want a Loving, God Fearing, well Groomed, Humorous, Working man.. Is that too much to ask? I can bring Love, Understanding, Commitment, Loyalty,  Humor, and Honesty to the table.. 

My friend today had a status on his Facebook about how men and women over look the good women and men because of their looks and financial status.. I believe that is true in some cases.. I am not the best looking (although I am quick to say I am the finest thing around) person.. I might not be rolling in the dough either.. I live mostly paycheck to paycheck.. I have had people in the past break up with me because of my lacks of.. 

So as I embrace the single life.. Deep inside I miss the companionship of a relationship.. The rest of my life might be living alone and I have come to deal with it.. It just at times I really would like to feel that I am a pleasure to be around.. I still dream of the day that I am the 1st and last things someone thinks about.. A dream that I am never gonna stop having.. .

Don't know how to feel!!

Man I tell you.. I just keep getting bombarded... Sometimes I don't think I am just cut out for this... The more I try to move forward in life and LIVE to be happy... A DAMN brick hits me in the face!! I am starting to think I have a freaking OMEN. 

As you all know, I go through depression from time to time.. Some days I think it is because I over think things. Then other days just cause I don't like the way things are.  I want the happiness I had a few months ago.. When I just was so HAPPY.. I finally thought the depression was going to go away.. I need to really go back to therapy.. Things are becoming TOO MUCH for me. 

I am now taking the backseat in my relationship.. I love SOS dearly.. It a BRICK that is being thrown.. You know that wall that comes around in a new relationship... I promised that I wouldn't give up just yet.. I think my emotional state and my need for attention is causing friction.. Her dealing with family issues is keeping her away from me. So she is not able to give me the time and attention I once had.. I HATE IT WITH A PASSION.. I am trying to be strong and understand... (seriously)  I know that her mother and daughter are IMPORTANT...  Why did it have to happened at such a FUCKED UP time..? 

So you know where that leaves me... Doubting myself.. Me feeling like I am being selfish.. Sitting at home with hardly anything to do.. Going to work is about the most exciting thing I have done.. You know I don't even like working..  

What hurts so much,is the fact that I sacrificed  a lot to be in this relationship... So going to see where we go from here... Maybe it won't be long before I can spend  QUALITY time with my girlfriend... Until then, I'll take what I can get.. I wish her mother well though... I wish her daughter can get back on track... 

What Da Double Hockey sticks is wrong with me?

I know that it has been a long time again since I've last blogged... I don't know what in the world what's going on with me. I can't say, not enough time... I can't say I don't have anything to talk about... I guess I am just flat out lazy...  I used to LOVE to blog... I don't know if I lost it or what.

I am still with SOS... Things have been good and somethings have been so so... I don't know if it is my mood swings or I am just going through the motions. I have my days when I am extremely HAPPY.. I have my days when I feel like I can CUT a Throat...  Thank God for her though... She is so patient with me. She says she doesn't know how she is able to put up with it.  Yet she does...

I told her a lot of it is my  JOB... So she says leave... I can't though.. I feel as if I am stuck there... The pay isn't bad (although it isn't enough to pay my bills) but the benefits are AWESOME... So I put up with so much on the daily..  We also keep going through different managers.. The new one we have I don't care for him at all.. I ALWAYS get along with male managers... Not this one though.. UGH!!!!!!!! My mother had surgery last week. Someone needed to be with her 24 hours to watch over her.. I had to work... So I called my job... How about that BASTID told me he ADVISE me to show up to work..  I was HOTTER than HELL..  Then today, he told me I better have a doctors note before I can clock into work... As long as Ive worked there.. They know most of the time, when my monthly 1st comes on.. It is BAD... Today was one of those days.. I rare call out... Then they have people there who are no call no shows... They still have a job... SMDH!

I am going to the doctor tomorrow... Ive been having these bad headaches again. Also some other issues that are going on with me. I hate feeling like this... I truly do... I also think that is causing some kind of issue within my relationship.. When I go on to my quiet mode (when I just don't feel like talking) it turns on my brain.. Then I start getting emotional and crying a lot...

Stress of LIFE, LIFESTYLE,FAMILY & FRIENDS, and JOB, is starting to really creep in.. I feel like a nervous breakdown will come soon... I pray that it doesn't though... That will bring on MORE BIG ISSUES!!
I feel I am in need of PROZAC!!

Love at it's Best!! Daily Kisses!! Makes a Brighter day!!

Being with someone can sometimes be overwhelming.. I used to say that I didn't want to fall in LOVE again... Then when I met SOS things CHANGED.. This person is not typically be the type I would date.. So off... So when I looked past her flaws.. I found LOVE .. I finally found what it was ment for me. I can't ask for a better Companion... I am LUCKY... To others they might shun what we have.. Believe me I have heard all the going to hells... So if I am going... I am glad I found Love that I am HAPPY with.. I got my HEAVEN here on EARTH.. Every kiss, every hug, every I LOVE YOU.. Is worth it...