Man I tell you.. I just keep getting bombarded... Sometimes I don't think I am just cut out for this... The more I try to move forward in life and LIVE to be happy... A DAMN brick hits me in the face!! I am starting to think I have a freaking OMEN.
As you all know, I go through depression from time to time.. Some days I think it is because I over think things. Then other days just cause I don't like the way things are. I want the happiness I had a few months ago.. When I just was so HAPPY.. I finally thought the depression was going to go away.. I need to really go back to therapy.. Things are becoming TOO MUCH for me.
I am now taking the backseat in my relationship.. I love SOS dearly.. It a BRICK that is being thrown.. You know that wall that comes around in a new relationship... I promised that I wouldn't give up just yet.. I think my emotional state and my need for attention is causing friction.. Her dealing with family issues is keeping her away from me. So she is not able to give me the time and attention I once had.. I HATE IT WITH A PASSION.. I am trying to be strong and understand... (seriously) I know that her mother and daughter are IMPORTANT... Why did it have to happened at such a FUCKED UP time..?
So you know where that leaves me... Doubting myself.. Me feeling like I am being selfish.. Sitting at home with hardly anything to do.. Going to work is about the most exciting thing I have done.. You know I don't even like working..
What hurts so much,is the fact that I sacrificed a lot to be in this relationship... So going to see where we go from here... Maybe it won't be long before I can spend QUALITY time with my girlfriend... Until then, I'll take what I can get.. I wish her mother well though... I wish her daughter can get back on track...
3 comments:
I think therapy would be a good move. I had to go back last year. Two friends had committed suicide and one relative attempted to all in a 3 month span. Because I didn't have reservations about going, it worked wonders.
It also helps to have your support system...to reach out to your friends...to have them in place. You don't have to fight this alone. ((hugs))
I know I don't have to face this alone Moni.. I am just not the type to really bother my friends (the little that I have) with my problems..
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