Goodbye 2011

As the NEW YEARS starts and the OLD YEAR ends... I have many blessings and things to be thankful for. I also have a few things that I am not so happy with. Although I will not bring them into the new year... 2011 brought so many changes into to my world. At times I don't know if I am coming or I am going. I still remain positive and hopes for the best.

This year I learned that you can't always be EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY.. You have to learn how to LIVE for yourself.  I had to STOP being a Save a person, Help a person, and being SUPERWOMEN to a person. I give so much of my self to people. Then others wonder why at times I can be a true BYTCH.

I also learned that letting go of something might  be good for you, it also helps the next person become a better person. Holding on to things that are already broken might have been the cause of your own happiness and destruction. Forgiving a person and not forgetting is just not healthy in a persons life. People change within seasons and time. It doesn't mean you don't still love and care for that person.. You just have to give time to heal the wounds... In some cases it might take days, months, and years...

2011 I found love in the most unexpected place. It's funny when you look back and say DAMN.. I mean did I look a LOVE differently? I never experienced this type of LOVE ever.. I had so much heartache in years past... I kept holding on to the negative side of it all.. I was really that song..."Looking for Love in all the WRONG PLACES.." I am now thankful and happy that I have this time to enjoy the pleasures of it...

The bad part of 2011 brought health problems, right along with stress... I never had High Blood Pressure.. Now I suffer from it day to day.. My job is the main cause of it I believe.  I just don't know what to do at this time.. Maybe 2012 will shed some light in my progress of growth.

Stress of living life also have taken a tole on me. As stated before.. I try to be all things to all people.. Stress on trying to make others happy put a lot on my emotional health. I look to places where I felt I mattered... Then I let so many people down. Not doing it on purpose but doing it cause I didn't know who I could trust with my well being..

I am looking forward to 2012  some might say it will bring the end of the world.. I think it is a NEW BEGINNING in the life of Mahoganydymond... I wish you all Love, Peace, Happiness in 2012..

Merry Christmas...

This weekend is Christmas.. I am almost finished shopping... I still have a few here and there things to get. I feel like this year I was more into the spirit way before the time came near... Now working being as stressful as it is.. I am too tired to do anything. So that is the main reason why I haven't did too much.  As I am typing this I took a break from getting ready for work.. 

I am wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Silence is GOLDEN...

Just the other day me and my moms had an disagreement..  See the way I choose to lead my life should be up to me. 

Well she told me that my father keeps questioning her about my wereabouts.. She's telling  ME that it is becoming to be to much pressure on her. I understand, but I'M NOT READY to tell my father. I think that she is the only one that needed to know. I wish she understood that..

When my sister came out my dads side of the family wasn't to loving. The words was too much for me even to sit and listen to.

So my silence is GOLDEN... When I'm ready, I will tell him..  I don't want to add more stress to my moms life... Heck I myself is dealing with a lot...

As I'm typing this entry.. I look over to SOS as she sleeps.. She has been working so hard the last few days.. I'm in love... I think this is all worth it...

Love at it's Best!! Daily Kisses!! Makes a Brighter day!!

Being with someone can sometimes be overwhelming.. I used to say that I didn't want to fall in LOVE again... Then when I met SOS things CHANGED.. This person is not typically be the type I would date.. So off... So when I looked past her flaws.. I found LOVE .. I finally found what it was ment for me. I can't ask for a better Companion... I am LUCKY... To others they might shun what we have.. Believe me I have heard all the going to hells... So if I am going... I am glad I found Love that I am HAPPY with.. I got my HEAVEN here on EARTH.. Every kiss, every hug, every I LOVE YOU.. Is worth it...

The Holidays A Comin'...!!

There is so much going on with my life right now.. I just don't know where to begin... As of this week starts the Holiday Season... In which I don't get to enjoy much of it anyway... It is the time I get to work more than I do all year long. Just this week I worked some LONG hours  and didn't get to spend much time with my S.O.S...  I guess that a good thing though... I don't like it much, but I guess time apart will give us excitement when we do see each other. 

I am happy that this year, I will get to spend the Holiday's with someone as wonderful as my S.O.S...  Some keep wanting me to just call her by her name... I don't think I am so ready for that since, I am not really ready for folks to get up in my business...

This season is also going to be different on so many levels... I am keeping my prayer line busy... So  many changes and so many emotions... 

Happy Holidays if I am not back on here before then...

Things are totally different...

I am experiencing so many different changes right now... Living life and being truly happy in the skin I am in. It is also bringing a lot of emotions that I can't even explain. I do want to say, I truly miss my friends.. I even miss hanging out with them time to time. With work, with living in two different house holds, and my S.O.S. getting a lot of my time.. I just don't know how to spread myself.. I am learning (realizing ) I am getting Older.. I think I have finally GROWN UP!! I want a get away with my friends... It just seems that we all are busy or on different projects and what not.. It isn't enough time..

It is almost that time of year to where, I might just be an emotional wreck.. I just hope that this year will be different, just cause...

I hope that I will be able to start back updating and writing in this blog.. I really do miss blogging...

In the kNOW!!!

I had some free time and I felt like writing a little bit.. I have been a little busy as of late... I don't have much time to do anything else.. Can you believe it... I don't play my FB games much either... I know that comes to a total shocker for some..

I come here a lot to talk about my relationships, friendships, and my bouts of depression... I can say now.. I BELIEVE that all is coming to an end.. I think I found my SOUL MATE!! She is so wonderful..  Have you just ever came across a person that is such a joy to be around? She makes me Laugh... She thinks about me all the time.. She puts me first.. She takes care of my needs and wants... With her I never have to worry about anything.. I never thought that it would come to this.. She is everything I've wanted all along..

Over the last month though.. I have lost some friends behind my relationship.. I even have some people NOT HAPPY what so ever for me.  Just this past weekend.. An ex, wanted me to do him a favor.. I was out of town with S.O.S. I didn't jump like I normally do.. Why should I anyway? Well he goes on into a tangent.. He  was mad cause I wouldn't stop what I was doing. Come back home and do his favor.. It angered him so much to the point.. He blasted me on his Facebook wall.. Then he deleted me after I sent him a message.. I was like this fool.. Then MC threaten me. I just don't get it... Like the old saying goes... "You didn't want me, when you had me... "

I know this is a test to see how strong I can be.. There are going to be sticks and stones thrown my way.. I am going to loose people in my life. I am even going to be judged by my peers and strangers.. I am willing to walk this alone, if no one else will be there beside me.. My life has CHANGED so much.. I am finally LIVING it...

I am loving my life.. I am finally happy with a relationship.. I am going to keep on being happy too...

I guess you all thought I fell off... I am still here...

Since I last put anything out about how I've been.. I was going through the motions.. Life was a challenge.. Although I am still not fully recovered.. I have been making some real progress...  Still not having much to say right now though.. I just thought I would stop by just to say a few little words... My Birthday is next Saturday... I can not wait.. :)

I blame no one but myself...

I guess this is going to be one of those depression blogs.. I felt the need to write it all out.. I've been holding it so much it for years and years.. It is the time to release it again.. When I think I am getting better, I fall right back into the trap again.. What is WRONG with me? I am starting to feel I do need to seek professional help. I don't believe in hurting anyone or myself... I just hate this rut...

After MC, I said I wouldn't give my heart again..  I haven't either... So I do feel like I am missing out on something. 

Over the last few months, I have been seeing someone.. I was seeing him to see if I am totally over MC.. I think I am over him physically... Some part mentally... All the years of not trusting and emotional strain.. I haven't forgotten. 

So here is where it all falls apart.. Me being the emotional attached person that I am.. I can't see myself being in a relationship... I have tried being patient and optimistic about it all..  I see myself going down the same path again.. You would think after almost of 3 years of being single and not really dating.. I should be able to move on and move past it all.. 

I am starting to see the change in him.. I am starting to see sneaky ways.. I also see that I will be more into it than he would be. So I am letting it go.. Just this morning I almost flipped and lost it.. I was getting a feeling that something was not going right inside his home. He wasn't answering my text.. I even heard a noise that I believe I shouldn't have heard.. I really didn't want to become the crazy and deranged woman.. So I had to come back home and calm down.. I had to come home and wooosah!!

This is it.. My heart is to damaged.. I can't love.. No matter how much I try... It is OVER!! 

I'm sorry....

I am sorry about being so absent... I haven't forgotten about the Music Challenge... I haven't forgotten any of you... I've been dealing with life and being under the weather.. I promise I will get back into the swing of things soon. I will come by and check what you all been up to soon... Love you all!!

Day 6. Which song would represent the best sexual experience ever? If you haven’t had it yet, one from your fantasies?

To this day.. No one has been able to top him... Well someone comes close...

Day 5. You’re out on a date you sense the final destination will be horizontal or on top. (winks)

If we've been dating and the mood hits us....

Day 4. You’re on a date where the only highlight was the place he selected.

Yea if I am that bored on the date... Just buy my drinks... I wanna dance and hurry the date up (get it over)...

Day 3. Which song best describes your bond with your kids, significant other, or if you don’t have either one of those, your closest/best friend?

Day 2. Which song best describes your relationship with your immediate family (mother, father, siblings)?

My Best Friend.... My mother...

Day 1. Which song would serve as your introduction? (to the world, blog reader, friends, this challenge)

As we go through this challenge you will see a lot of this woman... She is my idol.. She is has always been an inspiration to me.  I love this woman and I believe to be one of her BIGGEST Fans...
This song Share My World would be my Introduction...
Come Share My World...

30 Days of Musical Truth

Yes I will be at it again..... Whoot Whoot!! Music is apart of my everyday life.. So this challenge my be easy like the Erotic One... We shall see....
30 Days of Musical Truth Challenge:


In addition to Love, Truth, and Eroticism, Music is another one of those things that is universal.  Every where a person goes, you are guaranteed to hear some type of music.  What is music to some may be noise to someone else.  Songs can also relate to different points in a person's life.

This challenge seeks to draw out the connect between music and your experience.

Not stamping a month on it; I only ask for thirty days. Yes, you can choose more than one song if you cannot settle on just the one and describe why that particular song/songs.

Day 1.  Which song would serve as your introduction?  (to the world, blog reader, friends, this challenge)

Day 2.  Which song best describes your relationship with your immediate family (mother, father, siblings)?

Day 3.  Which song best describes your bond with your kids, significant other, or if you don’t have either one of those, your closest/best friend?

Day 4.  You’re on a date where the only highlight was the place he selected.

Day 5.  You’re out on a date you sense the final destination will be horizontal or on top. (winks)

Day 6.  Which song would represent the best sexual experience ever?  If you haven’t had it yet, one from your fantasies?

Day 7.  Which song would represent your worst sexual encounter?  If you haven’t had one yet, which song would play to represent if you had one?

Day 8.  It’s extremely hot or cold. 

Day 9.  Battling traffic to and from wherever you are headed.

Day 10.  Getting ready to go to work or looking for work.

Day 11.  You’re doing your workout routine or trying to get motivated to exercise. 

Day 12.  At work, you’re dealing with a customer , co-worker, or boss who pisses you off.  What song goes through your mind? (any stage of this engagement will do)

Day 13.  Your boss tells you that "your services are no longer needed."

Day 14.  You just experienced a death in the family.

Day 15.  You’re trying to decide which magazine to buy at the check lanes but you are clearly in line.  You are so busy checking out the titles that you don’t notice until it’s too late that someone cut in front of you .

Day 16.  The landlord wants his rent money; it’s day twenty and your money is going to be delayed for another ten days.

Day 17.  Someone has borrowed money from you and has been ducking and dodging you for weeks in regards to payback. 

Day 18.  You are having a very off day and just don’t want to be bothered.

Day 19.  Your child does something to violate your trust; what soundtrack would mark his/her Doomsday?

Day 20.  Someone is talking shit about you on the Internet (face book, my space, twitter, etc.)

Day 21.  Your worst breakup ever~what wound be the main song on the soundtrack?

Day 22.  The very people you thought would hold you down at your worst have abandoned you.

Day 23.  You were in a deep state of anxiety, fear, and depression but you are slowly but surely coming out of it.  What song marks your revival?

Day 24.  You are on a dream vacation.

Day 25.  You are about to indulge in your favorite food or drink to wind down.

Day 26.  You’re feeling your sexy; name that tune.

Day 27.  You’re getting cabin fever from being in the house and just want to get out for the night.  What’s your joint?

Day 28.  Someone who hurt you in the past comes back for a second chance.  Depending on your response, what’s the song?

Day 29.  Dedicational song to the person/people who always had your back?

30.  Compose your own song.  Describe the type of beat…or what song it would be similar to.  What would be the lyrics (of if its’ going to be an instrumental explain why).  What would be the title?  Also share what, if anything, you learned through this challenge.

Let me tell you about it!!

As some of you all know.. I have been chilling with someone as of late.. I think he is cool and I enjoy hanging out with him.. Well word get back to this female I know.. I won't say she is a friend of mine, but she is an associate that I deal with a lot...
I don't know if her and the guy ever had anything going on..  I do know that they grew up together.. cool...
I know back a few weeks ago she asked me what was going on with me and him.. I said, " Me and him are cool, he is my homie"... She also asked did he like me.. I said, I believe so... I am not sure.. We just kicking it..
Last night while me and him was watching TV... He said, " so and so called my brother last night to ask what me and you had going on...." I became angry..  See I don't like people asking questions.. Especially if they KNOW my number.. Plus I have already told her the deal.. So I ask him.. Have you been to bed with her..? Have the two of you ever dated?  He told me no (so I think that was a lie)... I think that is because why would she be going around town trying to figure out shyt...

So now I am getting really angry.. Reason being, this is going to put more people in my business.. So I am about to cut some people off.. I won't and can not deal with shyt like this... He goes on to say.. You shouldn't let people dictate who you are dating.. I agree, but I don't want people in my business like that.. I wish they just fuck off and get a life..

People who don't have a life......... Seems to always follow mines...

You're Lonely and full of shyt..

Always wondering who to pick on next..

Walking around town thinking you the Baddest Bytch..

Smiling in my face trying to read my expression..

It seems you are trying to stir up some Gossip,

Trying to see my reaction...

Over the last few years my name been riding your tongue, like a whore sucks a dyck..

I don't get it,

Again I say you are full of shyt...

Who and What I do,

Should be no business to you..

I am the same chick that you said, “I love you boo”..

Fake-mess through and through,

I see you in a different light..

You are going around town trying to make me infamous...

Little do you know I am considered to be showered with Greatness..

You have nothing better to do, but to ask about me...

In ways I am flattered....

I just got to tell you this... Keep FUCKING with me and your LIFE will be shattered....

I am the quiet chick.. I am more woman that you'll ever be... Is this why you keep following me?

I don't bother, poke, or even pry... So do you want me to make you cry?

I don't like people in my business... The way you are all up in it, you must be envious....

Don't be boo.. I know I am awesome...

I have a life,

stop talking about me and you will also have one....

Mahoganydymond ©

Hormones......... UGH!!

I know you all are about tired of me talking about my ranging HORMONES... I feel like I am really going to loose it and loose it soon.. What is happening to me? I never in my life felt like this. Is it me getting older..? Is it the lack of being satisfied when having sex? What in the world is it?

Just today I thought I was going to attack this man that I thought was nice looking.. I didn't even care if I didn't know him.. He was hella sexy.. I be damn this doesn't make sense.. I never been the type of drooling over a man.. I got hot just looking at the man talk.. That was the 1st...

Anyhoo, I believe if I don't get some GOOD STUFF in the next few days.. I might have a heart attack... Yea it is becoming that serious.. It is all I think about.. Even the guy that I am having sex with, sucks.. He just does that 1 fucking nut thing that pisses me off... I don't even know why I bother... I guess I will have to go back to finding  a younger man... I just don't want the freaking yeast infections that come along with fucking a young dude..  I guess that is what I need to get this off of me.. lol

It's cool...

I had a great weekend... I didn't think it would be possible.. I normally try and find ways out of going out.. I haven't been much of a going out chick as of late... Me, Moms, and cousin spent all day Friday shopping and going out to eat... It was awesome.. I tell you Ross did it for me.. I found a lot of great deals for my budget... I hope to do that again sometime soon..
I had to work Saturday so you know it wasn't a happy time for me, but I made due.. That evening I hung out with my sister and her friends... We celebrated her birthday... I tell you I had so much fun after the club went and got Pineapple Juice.. lol I really needed that going out and enjoying myself.. Long overdue....
I haven't mention this in any of my entries as of late. I guess cause I was so busy doing those challenges.. lol I am so glad that was over with. I tell you emotional... Well I have been friends with one of my neighbors for years.. We have always been cool.. So since he moved in with my cousin (a cousin who don't speak to me) he has been trying to talk to me. I started thinking that the guy was interested in me. I would push it around. I was like he is just happy that I cook all the time.. He asked me to cook one day.. He brought all the food and what not. I think I started something.. Cause now, every time I cook  I give him a plate.
Well as of late we have been hanging at each other's house.. I go over there and trip out with him. He comes over here and trips with me. So again, the question came up about me and him dating. I had to tell him that I won't date my neighbor.. I think that will just start a bunch of crap, and I like him as a friend. How about last night while we was watching Behind the Music (Mary J Blige) he said he is planning on moving.. O_O... I was like why.. He said because I think it would be best. I was kinda upset.. Cause I enjoy hanging with him.. He told me that well, we get to hang out more when I move. See I don't go over to his house when my cousin is there. I wait for my cousin to go to work. How should I feel about this? I will keep you all update on this...

I CAN'T... What is up with these men?

Yall all these thoughts running through my head.. I don't know what to say.. Am I just to over sex? Am I just that insatiable? What ever happened to screw me all night? What happened to we make love until the light of day?

Do men these days think that just ONE nut is going to do the job for me? I hate to tell those bastids... lol
Ok it has been awhile since I got my rocks off.. So I was starting to feel a little frustrated.. I tried waiting on a boyfriend or better yet to fall in love.. Well it was taking to long.. I stopped talking to Heaven about 5 months ago.. So hell, I couldn't even call him..
So I've been kicking it with another friend, I have known for awhile.. I've been going over there having chit chat and drinks.. Well this guy is my type.. He is cool, he is silly.. Heck he is even one of those I call Belly Ticklers...(inside thing)...
The other night, we was talking about my single hood.. He couldn't understand as to why I was.. (I don't understand why people don't get it)..  So I shot the breeze about the whole thing.. I told him the only thing I miss SEX... MC spoiled me when it came to sex.. Heaven tempted to spoil me with sex..  So he was like I can help you if you want.. We cool peeps and we never been into it.. At first I hesitated.. See we are tripping partners and I never thought of him as a sexually partner before..  I just thought of him as the class clown in school. Well the 1st way to my drawz is to make me laugh.. lol
Well of course I went along and TRIED to  get my rocks off.. 1 fucking NUT.. I told him that I haven't reached mine yet.. He was like you are just to much.. Why don't we try it again on my day off.. He says he was so tired.. He works outside in the sun all day... FUCK... I've am so tired of these 1 nut men.. I need to find someone with stamina.. QUICK!!!
I am going to stop sexing him right now, NO.. lol.. Hell I need it.. He is a friend that is   convenient...
So ya know... 

Day 30... What this Challenge taught me....Hmmmm...

Day 30~ Did this love challenge teach you anything? If so/not...what/why?

It took me the longest to finish this.. I wanted to quit half way through the challenge.. I made myself continue.. I always quit things when I start to feel discouraged... Love, Life, and Relationships are always a touchy subject for me... I never really felt loved or appreciated by my peers.. So outside of my loving family, I never experienced love... 

Those I gave my heart to landed me to where I am now..  I won't say I am bitter.. I will just say that I heartless... I don't think from this point on I will be able to open my heart again to another soul...  I feel that my heart is an organ that has to be strongly protected...

This challenged made me think back to the things that I lost. This challenged made me feel a little negative toward those who hurt me. Those who said they loved me and showed me different. Opening up the wounds that took me over the edge.. Doing this Challenge depressed me. It also made me angry and frustrated..

This challenge taught me that love can be good, bad, and down right ugly.. 

I hope that one day everything will change for me.  I learned that I do believe in love.. It is just that there are those who don't know the kind of love that I am searching for..  So as I end this, love is so over-rated... I give props to those who still believe in it.. I give congratulations to those who found it and still can be with those that they love... Continue to love people.. All because I gave up on it.. It doesn't mean that any of you should change your minds about it... Love and Blessings to you all...

Day 29... Dear Next Lifetime...

Day 29~ Write a Love letter to your soul mate (whether you feel you've met them or not)..

Dear Next Lifetime,

It would have been nice to have met you before  I became damaged goods..It would have been nice to see what loving you would have been like. If you would have came into my life about 10 years ago.. Things would have been so much different.. I would have been able to give you my heart completely. 

You and me sharing our lives together. Watching each other grow older together. 

We would have everything we ever wished for. The family, the career, and the kids. That would have been lovely, right..?

Our love would been something that everyone would have admired. They would see how much we laughed and loved one another...  Nothing would have broken the bond that we have. Our faith in God and our Love would be the glue that stuck us together...

I am so sorry Love. I am sorry that we never gotten the chance. I wish things would change. I try everyday to open my heart. The more I try the more I live in fear. I fear that if I  give my heart away again, it would become the death of me.

I hate that priors made me this way.. You would have really loved to have  met me.I think you would have made a great choice by picking me..  It's too late now though.. Maybe we will met in my next life. I will be a renewed woman.. I would be a woman of virtue.  You would be my soulmate...

Love you until then.... <<<<3333

I stooped to a level...I didn't even want to go...

Everyone knows  I am the type that tries to make everyone Happy... I break my neck for all those that I am close to...  Well I put myself in a position that caused me to get my feelings really HURT!!  I don't mind helping people.. That is the way I was brought up.. So when people come to me for favors and I have the time, money, or etc...I tend to help.. If I truly know they need it. I must be just a sucker.. 

Well I am having a hard time adjusting to the lack of  money.. Yea, I've been broke before... I just NEVER been this broke.. Broke to where not even my mother or father can help me. It's sad... 

Well a few years back, I helped someone.. I mean BIG TIME... They needed money for their light bill so they could move.. I had it.. Hey this is  my friend.. I would be blessed for it right... I told them don't even worry about paying me back. I just know who to come to when I will need help myself.  They agreed and said "If you ever need anything.. Don't be afraid to ask..." 

Yesterday I was taking them up for that offer... I paid my bills on Friday and didn't have money for anything else or for the week. So I called them up.. Well I did and they didn't answer.  So I texted them.. I only asked for 30 dollars to  be wired to me. I even offered to wire them back 40 on Friday when I got paid again.. They  were slowed to respond.. When they finally did they asked me when I needed it..I told them today...  Guess what I am still waiting on a reply.. It is almost 2 days later... 

So this is bothering me.. If they didn't have it..I understand.. Just tell me NO.. I wouldn't get mad.. I am mad because I never gotten an answer...

For now on I can't help another person, unless I am a freaking Millionaire.. Especially when it comes to money.. I didn't want to ask in the first place.. I just stooped to that level cause I didn't know what else to do...  Am I wrong for being upset....

Day 28... Sex or Love... What choice do I have..

Day 28~ If you had a choice between a love relationship and just sex [guaranteed]...which would you choose?

In my state of mind right now... I really can't say what I want... I live in a confused state of chaos.. I want love, just the last time I tried it, I became so broken that I am not even fair to myself.. When I love, I love hard.. My life becomes so consumed with the person I fell in love with that everything else seems so off course..  

Sex is a minute of some type of pleasure..  I feel good and I can walk away with not a feeling at all.. So I am good with that.. See just awhile back I had a lover and all I wanted from him was sex.. He had a life of his own.. I had mine.. So when we came together it was sex.. Then when things became to much for the both of us.. We parted ways.. So my heart wasn't involved and I was able to go back to my routine.. So that was good for me

Again there are times when being in love and sexing the person you love brings the happy person in me.. I can't say that I am able to give my heart again. I know they say move on and keep living..  I am so afraid to give it away again.. 

So I choose SEX!!

Black Girl gets no Respect.. (came from a show I watched the other day)

The other day I happened to flip through the television.. It was a show on TVOne.. I don't remember the name of the show.. It was aired back in 2007.. I sat and watched most of the show. It was a panel of 5 Black  Men. They were talking about dating outside their race..  I know we keep hearing how Black Women are this and that..
A few months ago, one of my favorite people on the net, she posted a twitter status that made me think.. She said that "Black women are the least desired in the world".. So watching this show it made to realize that this could be true..

 Out of the 5 men only One said he would never date outside his race. The others say that they prefer dating White or other races other than black..   I just shook my head. See I prefer my Black Man. I wouldn't date outside my race.. It isn't because I am black. I am just attracted to what I am attracted too. I love deep deep deep purplish black. They were given all kind of reasons as to why they wouldn't date Black Women. Why do we get such a NEGATIVE light.? Yea I know we have a few that we could be ashamed of..  It is no right to generalize us though.. One man said that he like white women cause they are easy to talk to.. He said that they are very friendly and supports their man no matter what... I don't know what land that guy came from.. Support, we have supported Black Men from day one.. You rarely see Black Women with any other race...  I know in my town you seldom see Black on Black relationships.. Most all the black men do date white women. I used to be upset about it.. It was not until I saw they types of men that they dated..  I wouldn't even want that man myself..Anyhoo.. Friendly.. Hell I have came across some mean ass White Women.. Especially those who do date black guys.. They come into my store all the time. I speak and they roll their eyes.. If I speak to their man, they look as if they going to slap the shyt out of me.. Sorry boo boo, I don't want ya man..  I don't know if they feel intimidated by me or what..  I must say this though.. Women are women.. It doesn't matter what color they are.. So why diss the Black woman..  I just want Black Women to know.. We are freaking BEAUTIFUL... Fuck what anyone else says... 

Day 27.. The Boomerang of the Exes

Day 27~ Does anyone you've broken up with still love and pursue you?

Why do you all think I have problems? It seems that anyone I ever dated always comes back. Some try to come back and be in a relationship.. The others come to try and build some friendship.. I have two at this moment that I have to ignore phone calls.. 

 Heck they don't want anything. 

I really don't understand it... While in the relationship they acted as if I wasn't important.. Lies, Cheating, Non Communicating. I tried to tell those fools.. I am like no other... Yet they leave and then try to come back every time something goes wrong in their relationship.. So yea.. I have two and in the past I had others that tried to get me back..

Day 26... I Know my Child betta NOT!!!

Day 26~ If your young daughter or son came to you and told you they were in love with someone your age...what would your response be?




I been there and done this... I know I might not have children of my own.. If I did, they better not bring nothing like this to me.. Especially if they are still living at home with me. I am not into all this Cougar and Sugar Daddies fade.. I know men have done it for years.. I just don't see how you can date someone that is more than 10 years older than you..
I know what older men think about.. I know how older women are.. So I just wouldn't want my children playing any part in the whole thing.. So my response would be HELL NAH... I don't want them hurt or for them to mess up her life...

Day 25...How I learned about Love?

Day 25~ Looking back on your life...who taught you the most about what love is/isn't?

Again this is something is kinda touchy to me.. There are only a few people in my life that taught me love. My mother and my grandmother.. I haven't really experienced love outside of family.  I am so inexperienced with this feeling.  

What I thought was Love always turned out not to be.. So as I grow older.. I am still learning.  I did learn that  Loving myself is so wonderful at this point... It is a process in itself. So one day, I will be able to look back and truly answer the question...

Now every man that I have fell in love with besides one.. Showed me what LOVE WASN'T... We all live and learn.. I am cool with it...

Day 24.. Sorry I'm not your kinda of Girl...

Day 24~ Have you broken anyone's heart?


I don't believe I have.. I know I have turned down a few people with the saying " I am sorry.. I'm not your kinda of girl".. I don't think they went and had a crying session.. I don't think their life stopped going..


Me on the other hand.. I've been broken a few times.. So I always made a vow to NEVER do that to anyone.. If I am not feeling them, I let them know up front.. 

Day 23.. First comes Love then come Marriage.... NOT always the case..

Day 23~ Do you think love and marriage are synonymous?

If I was born back when you got married before you screwed, I would have said No... We always think a person gets married because they love someone. It is not always true.. Do you really think in the world we live in today, people truly know what LOVE means? Do you really think they know what LOVE stands for?

No this is not me being bitter.. It is just what I observe... 
I just really wish society stop trying to over analyze things.. 
If marriage and love coincide.. Why is it that same sex couples can't get marriage? 
I really believe they should get married too..

Cause they truly have to love one another to be fighting for their rights the way they are.

Then you have these people who just marry for money.. There's no love into it.. 
They might say it. 

It is the things that are being given to them that 

makes them feel that they are in love... The when the other lose money or their job, 
the other is out the door.. Where is the love there?

Then those who have the blind eye in relationships.. 
Just cause that person screw the hell out of you..

 You get married cause you are in love..

Then struggles come a long.. Someone lose job, have a wreck, in financial trouble..

 They are ready for divorce...

What I am trying to say is.. Love, you are going to go through ups and downs..

 You are going to see the good and bad..

Heck you might even fall out of love after marriage..
 So Love and Marriage aren't one in the same...

Love doesn't comes with Marriage... Marriage doesn't come from Love....
 Marriage is just a union of a piece of paper.. 

A title...

Love is something you feel, live, give, and receive...

Day 22... Let's make a Love Scene....

Day 22.. Write the Perfect Love Scene...

It was in late September.. I was taking my yearly trip to Jamaica.. Over the last few years I been going to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city..  So I packed my bags and headed off to my favorite destination. I hate traveling alone so I asked my male friend to join me this year..

His name was Arthur. I've been dating him for about 8 months and I been having thoughts of accepting his invitation to be my Boyfriend. He was elated that I asked him to join me.. He was like baby, we going to have a GREAT time. 

The first day we just relaxed and did a little bit of site seeing. It was nice to have him there.. I was so glad I asked.. I told him that before dinner, I set up an appointment to get a massage.. He declined to go along, but he said I will see you when you come back to the room. 

I was kinda tense so that was the reason behind the massage. I needed to loosing up. I think the whole thing of finally being this alone with Arthur was getting the best of me. I vowed not to have sex with anyone unless it was meaningful. I think this might be just the one for me this time. 

Heading back to my room something was going all over me. That was a damn good massage. I truly needed that. 

I saw a note on the door... "Hello Baby, I've been waiting for you to return".. I slide the key in the door swipe. I opened the door and to my surprise there was rose petals leading to the bathroom. On the bathroom door it was another note. "Baby slip off everything and get into the tub and have a glass of Champagne" .. I began taking off my clothes and I laid a towel into the tub so I can sit on it.. (my phobia of sitting in tubs)..  After sitting down and sipping on the dry bubbly.. I saw Arthur.. I knew that this man was in shape, but his dark mocha complexion was really doing something to me right now. 

He joins me in the tub.. We kissed, played, and groped one another.. 

He began to pick me up out of the tub. All the light went out.. It startled me.. He laid me on the bed of roses...  He began going around the room lighting a few candles. The music of Luther, R Kelly, and Marvin Gaye was still playing in the background.. 

He began to kiss me again. He is such a good kisser I was saying to myself. He kissed me all over my body. I felt the warmth of his body against my cool damp body..  My love below was throbbing for his magic stick.  He begin to lick and massage my inner thighs.. He worked his way to my honeypot and practically made love with his tongue.. 

He turned me over to my stomach and I  arched my back.. His tongue going faster in and out of my sweet stuff.. I began to moan and ask for his manly thrust to enter me. So he stopped entered me and my moans became louder and more frequently.  He worked me, he grind me, he caressed me, he made LOVE to me. Arthur showed me not only he was about to become my lover.. He showed me how his love making was so passionate, intense, and was worth waiting for...  

Day 21~ Come to Jamaica and Feel alright....

Day 21~ What is the most romantic location you would want to visit?

JAMAICA

This is the only place I would love to be... The food, the music, the beautiful water....

Day 20. Computer Love... No Long Distance....

Day 20~ Do you believe in Long Distance/Internet Love? Why or Why not?




Do I believe in Long Distance relationships... Hell to the NAH... I can be friends with people that live far away... I will not date anyone that takes more than 2 hours to get to.. I am sorry, I just don't believe in it.. I have to be able to see this person on the regular (if you want to remain in a committed relationship).. I have been through this and It isn't a pretty sight when you find out what they were doing when you weren't around. 


Internet Love.. Another HELL TO THE FREAKING NAH.... I even tried it once... I wouldn't date anyone I met off the net.. I thought the whole thing was stupid. I am a person who is a visual human. I happened to be in a Yahoo group.. I started chatting with a a guy that seemed to have all his shyt together.. We chatted and I even fell in love with his conversations... We did this for 3 years straight.. So it was time to met.. He wanted me to move out there with him.. He wanted to spend every waking day with me.. (I wasn't going to do that) So I go out there.. How about the BASTID never showed up?  I was out there for a whole week.. I didn't see or hear from his ass.. I never heard from him until 6 months later.. He never gave me a reason... I ended up dating MC by that time.. So I never talked to him again..  It was until this year via FB... He told me he got mad at me because he thinks I did something on his page.. He think I wrote something on there that said he was gay... I thought that was a bunch of bull.. I never went to his page in the 1st place... I don't even think he knows why he didn't show up.. 


So know I wouldn't do it.. I will be friends with a lot of people that I closely connect with.. It will not be a relationship or marriage coming out of it.. I have found that majority of these people lie, cheat, and hump around with everyone on the net.. I will not be the one...

Day 19... Looking to the Sky...

Day 19~ What do you love to do the most? 
I always find beauty in small things.. I have this habit of looking to the sky when I want to feel peace.. I love clouds and trees... I am not big on the outdoors... These are just things that I love the most. 
I tend to take pictures of the clouds a lot. You should see my collection lol..People tell me that is because of my daydreaming..  
On a beautiful day with the sky so blue.. You might catch me outside catching a glimpse of the clouds.. Their beautiful shape and different sizes.....