I guess this is going to be one of those depression blogs.. I felt the need to write it all out.. I've been holding it so much it for years and years.. It is the time to release it again.. When I think I am getting better, I fall right back into the trap again.. What is WRONG with me? I am starting to feel I do need to seek professional help. I don't believe in hurting anyone or myself... I just hate this rut...
After MC, I said I wouldn't give my heart again.. I haven't either... So I do feel like I am missing out on something.
Over the last few months, I have been seeing someone.. I was seeing him to see if I am totally over MC.. I think I am over him physically... Some part mentally... All the years of not trusting and emotional strain.. I haven't forgotten.
So here is where it all falls apart.. Me being the emotional attached person that I am.. I can't see myself being in a relationship... I have tried being patient and optimistic about it all.. I see myself going down the same path again.. You would think after almost of 3 years of being single and not really dating.. I should be able to move on and move past it all..
I am starting to see the change in him.. I am starting to see sneaky ways.. I also see that I will be more into it than he would be. So I am letting it go.. Just this morning I almost flipped and lost it.. I was getting a feeling that something was not going right inside his home. He wasn't answering my text.. I even heard a noise that I believe I shouldn't have heard.. I really didn't want to become the crazy and deranged woman.. So I had to come back home and calm down.. I had to come home and wooosah!!
This is it.. My heart is to damaged.. I can't love.. No matter how much I try... It is OVER!!
1 comment:
(((hugs)))
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