I need some serious motivation...

I must admit that I have wasted a lot of my years... I wasted doing absolutely NOTHING.. What I mean by nothing, is something worth my wild.. I been working so hard the last 6 years... I really don't have nothing to show for it but, maybe my credit score.. lol
I wasted on men... I wasted it because of fear.. I wasted it because I no longer have motivation...
I believe a lot of it has been the stress I've been under.. I believe a lot of it where I am not getting much time alone.. I am always doing something for someone.. I am always paying bills, to where I don't have money to save up.
I really want to do something for me.. God willing, I want to save up enough to take a trip (alone)... I am still in the process of looking for another job, so that is motivation ( a little lol)....My dreams of my own business is still my main focus and I haven't given up.. It just seems that folks don't wanna pay for catering...  In this area anyway... Man, if I had the money to play the lottery and win... Then that's all the motivation I need..
The seasons are changing now too, I want to get back out.. I want to take walks, eat right, and get back on my healthy kick.. I think that would help my motivation.. I will have the energy..
I was talking to my friend guy on Sunday and he was telling me, I am no longer the Tracy he once knew. He said I was so much of a social, outgoing, fun person.. Now, he says I am complacent, moody, and drabby..  Damn, really? I think it is my age.. Things I used to do I don't do anymore.. It's not that my interest has changed.. My mindset has.. All of the friends I used to hang out with.. Married, Engaged, and kids..  I am the only one in my circle that has yet, to meet a man, worthy..
So yes, I no longer do the things I once did.. I don't think I am drabby (whatever that means).. hehehhee
Being with depression for the last 6 months, people really don't understand what it is to feel this way.. Yea, some say they are down, but a lot of folks don't know.. My diagnoses was my answers I needed.. I didn't understand why I kept feeling the way I did.. It wasn't anything going wrong in my life, I just feel like I had no motivation to even get out of bed sometimes. I didn't want to face people.. I didn't even wanna get up and put on clothes.. (even got to the point,  I didn't want to bathe).. Depression is something I don't wish on anyone. It puts your life at a stand still.
I can't  believe that I have wrote two blogs in two days.. I guess walking away from Facebook, has given me a peace of mind.. Now, hopefully motivation is next.. :)

What you go through can HUMBLE you!!

As you all know.. I've been going through this forgiveness process.. It is becoming easier the more I practice what I preach.. I am so THANKFUL for that.. I was holding on to so much that was hurting or hurt me. To where I couldn't go forward in life..  I am so trying to move forward to the BETTER ME.. So yes, forgiveness was on my #1 list of priorities.. 

In the midst of it all.. I was contacting some of the people that I didn't have any closure with. It's been years since I last talk to one of the people that I thought I would never be able to live without.. Let's just say.. I am happy that they too is going through a forgiveness project... They are so humbled and thankful for being able to go through what they have been through and still are standing...

Over the weekend I had a lot of time to think and I cleansed my heart.. I got drunk in the process too.. hehehe. Thanks to my friends for the night out and the laughs.. It was great..
I am getting stronger and stronger.. I accept the things I can't change.. I have learned to let go over things that might once cause me pain..

I know that this is going to be a long journey cause of the years and years of holding things in. I never learned a easy way of letting go. So I was turning into a bitter and unhappy woman.. I saw that that wasn't me and not the person I wanted to be.. This is also humbled me.. I am so thankful for the experiences.. I am on the right track..  I am going to make it... :)