I got Love all over me!!

I know it has been awhile for me.. I am sorry that I have lead my readers astray.. I had to get myself together and figure out what was really going on in my life. 

I think the last time I wrote I was telling you all about the person that was in my life. You know he wanted GOD to lead our relationship..  Been a friend for YEARS! The man that knows everything in my life, from good to the bad.. Yea that man.. :)

Well I have also gotten back into church. The conversation with THE MAN really help me let go of my fears and mistrust in the church. My eyes have been open to so much.. I thank him... I know that it has been on my mind. I had missed the fellowship and going to church to receive my word. It was just so much going on and I didn't know how to deal with it. I am overcame it all though.. I still have my days but everyday Thanking the Lord for allowing me to get it right, is a blessing itself.. 

This man is no where near perfect, yet there are things about him that makes him a great and loving person. We built our friendship years ago by just getting to know each other.. At the time we both were going through some spiritual and emotional issues.. So we would talk and talk and talk.. Sometimes you would have thought we were the only people in the world. He and I would be joined at the hip.. LOL Then we lost contact, not completely but not as we once was.. His girlfriend at the time didn't like me. She didn't won't him to have anything to do with me. I really didn't understand at the time. Now over the years I figured it out.. He told me after that relationship ended.. He said he once told her how he felt about me. He also told her no one and he means no one would break the bond that we had together. (You all know me, I was cheesing)... He also said he is always at his happiest when him and I are together. (that right there made me melt, because I feel the same with him)..

So we been going through it since early April.. We have our days but I know this man LOVES me. As I said that he wants God to lead us..  So we have been chilling and letting things take it's course. Not rushing into anything but getting to know each other on a different level. So we won't sacrifice our friendship. He is my best friend and I truly don't want to lose that part of him. We kid about how we have been through different relationships and we seem to always be there for one another when it fails.. Then we always realize we didn't need those people to begin with.. It seems that our failed relationships always gets us closer and closer together.. He was there for me with MC and he was there for me with that woman I dated.  So whose to say that this might not be the man God has for me. 

I get along I think with his family.. His mother sometimes questions me. I over look it though.. She is just being a mother. I am good to him and he is good to me. I think his mother only see the things I do.. Or she just think that a man should do it all. I cook and I coupon. So she sees the things I give him.. She also think I am making him fat because the way I feed him.. Well that's my man.. I don't mind giving him a meal..  I don't mind giving him free toilet paper and paper towels.. :)

All in all I am in a happy place.. Not cause of him but seeing the change in me. I think it took my best friend to show up and give me the reality check. Yea, you know after me and that woman had broken up.. I was just so tired of love and being let down. I became once again depressed.. He got tired.. He was 100% blunt with me. So it took me a few weeks to get what he was saying. Then I realized.. I have always been a snap back type of woman. So why was I drowning myself. I was a better swimmer in this game of life. So I give him thanks for that..

Anyhoo I am sorry that this BLOG was so long.. I just wanted to give you all the run down on what's been going on with me.. I will be back on Friday or Saturday to give you all my input with the Mike Brown situation.. Until then take care...

Love says, “I am here for you… in the good and bad times. I will love you on our good and bad days. I will love the best parts of you and love you through the worst.”

When there is nothing else but to let God...

I had to just come and write tonight.. Today has been such an amazing day full of hope and promises.. 

I had the most in depth, heartfelt, spiritual conversation.. 

Me and the man I've been calling my Bestest over the years.. 

Let me introduce my Bestest.. 

He is an amazing man who is often misunderstood even by me.. :)

He has been one that even before MC was someone I knew was going to always be in my life. 

He brings out the BEST in me and sometimes the WORSE when he pisses me off. ;) (who doesn't from time to time)..

Well in the past we have always been very close friends.. We have  always been able to talk about anything.. Have a debate and agree to disagree.. He is one man that keeps me in my place.. You know I am someone who always got to control every situation and he makes sure to give me an reality check. 

I LOVE this man to the MOON and BACK..

He is my Ying to my Yang..

I speak highly of him.. I guess you all are wondering why this isn't my husband.. I wonder that myself.. I believe in time he will be the one that walks me down the isle. Until he will ALWAYS be my BEST FRIEND the man I call my BESTEST.. 

Anyhoo I hung out with him yesterday.. I tend to always sleep over from time to time when I need to get away from home.. 

This morning waking up and seeing him, something came all over me. I mean I was feeling some type of way and I had to talk about it.. 

Over the years I have been burned by people.. Whether it was work, church, friends, and family.. So I discussed my concerns.. I have been on this spiritual journey over the last few months.. He has always been a spiritual person himself.. When ever I was in a test of faith mode, he was the one I always had turned to..  

I just say this.. When a person can cry, pray, and laugh together... REMAINS TOGETHER!! 

I never experienced this with a friend or family before..

It was like GOD was really speaking through our conversation today.. We shed tears, amazement, and had a very moving moment.. 

Then to hear Tracy, you are the one.. Never think that you aren't.. I am ready for God to lead me to you and be front and center of our relationship/friendship.. I love you and I know you love me.. So lets let God lead our direction..

(do you all know how that made me feel) I NEVER in my life had a man nor woman say that to me.. 

I started crying again.. Then laughed because I saw how serious he was.. Then I felt bad because I thought he was joking at first.. But this man is serious.. So we are going to see where this road is going to lead us.. Just know you all.. I am Happy to still have my BESTEST in my life.. 

I have learned so much from him and he has learned a lot from me.. It just seems in time.. Our paths or going to be going the same direction.. No rush just enjoying life on my way.. 

Day 6~ My idea of True Love....

Day 6~ What is your idea of true love?


I hate to sound like a sour puss with this.. Does "TRUE LOVE" exist? Maybe it does. I never felt it.. The only person I loved with my everything, we aren't together. So was he my "TRUE LOVE".. I guess not.  Will I ever experience it? Doubt it..  I live in reality.. I believe "TRUE LOVE" only exist on television, movies, and books.. 


You know in the books when the damsel in distress meets her knight in shinning armor. He comes to her when she is hurt, feeling alone, and needs to be comfort. The talk, kiss, and then he gets on bending knee... He tells her his life can't go on, unless she is living life with him. Then they ride the horse off unto sunset... What a bunch of frigging bull... 
See what I mean.. This Love stuff is so hard.. Love doesn't hurt (so they say).. Yet for me it hurts like hell.. So it is hard for me to even know what it means to me..


 I have found that to love someone, you give them your all.. You deal with everything emotionally, mentally, and flawed. You make each other happy.. You stand by them through hell and high water.. You are their shoulder to lean on and their stool to stand on.. I just don't see anyone doing those type of things this day and age.. Everyone is SELFISH and PIG HEADED... 


The only story I heard from my Grandmother was the story of "TRUE LOVE".. I think that stopped with her generation... My grand mother was in her 20's. She ended up having a child (my uncle) before meeting my grandfather.. He fell in love with my  grandmother.. They got married they had a total of 5 children... The remained married until his death in the late 50's... Well my grandmother was a fine woman.. She had a shape that I wished I had.. It was men left and right that wanted to date her.. She always refused.. She told me the "ONLY MAN that I LOVED is Thomas".. She said "NO MAN WILL NEVER take his place".. So she died back in 1995 and for 38 years she never dated.. My grandfather died in 1957.. She died with the thoughts and still hanging on the love that my grandfather gave her... 
"True Love" to me will stand the test of time and NOTHING will come between it...

Day 1... I can never get over my 1st Love...

Day 1 of the 30 Day Love Truth...

My first Love.. Zeldric... I was 14 years of age.. He was my first (real) Boyfriend. I was in Middle school. One of my friends was talking to his best friend. So I talked on the phone with him for a long time before I ever got to meet him.

The first time we met it was Christmas Day.. He brought me a purse, a Minnie Mouse Puppet, a card, and a box of Chocolate.. To this day I still have those. I thought it was so sweet.. Do you know it is over 20 years and I still love that man? We are really good friends and still talk from time to time.

Over the years we tried to get back together. It never really works out.. So about 10 years ago we said..."We are better at being friends.." It's the truth. We can never date again. We did say if we are both single at the ages of 60 then we will get married.. lol  The picture below is one of the gifts that he gave me that day.. He does mean a lot to me. We have been through thick and then.. Happy and Sad days.. He will forever be my heart. I love that man..
Back in 94 his grand mother died and my grand mother was in the hospital. We lean on each other for moral support. I tell you that made me feel so good inside. He was even a respectful man. He was the type that never asked me for sex, never tried to have sex with me. I think we finally had sex when I was 19 years of age. Of course we wasn't in a relationship at that time. Yet for him to be that patient and still have love for me.. I respect him so much...
We have both moved on in life. I wish the best for him. He has been in such a struggle. I hope that one day his life will be stress free.