Everything is going well..

I thought about how I don't update much any more. I think Facebook has taking so much from the blogging community.

Me and the guy I started back seeing is still doing well. Like most relationships you have good and bad days. However he knows when I mean business lol. My birthday no to long passed and he treated me well. I was shocked but I was happy in the same token.  His birthday is in a few weeks and I am still trying to process as to what he is going to do or wants to do.

Mom is still hanging in there. It isn't as hard as it was in the beginning but still a little rough. She no longer walk so It is hard getting her around. I have came to grips about her life is changing and that this Dementia is a terminal illness.  It hurts because you never think you could live without your parents.

The Holiday season is fastly approaching and I truly don't know how to feel about it.  When I was decorating for fall last month I thought about how much LaShun (moms aide that died last year) helped me with my mom. I started crying.. Then once Christmas comes and knowing how much she loved Christmas, I don't know... She lost her life that day leaving my house and that day will forever be embedded in my mind.

Me and the man still trying to decide about what we are going to do in the future. He wants me to move in and I am still debating on that. I love my house but I also know that he isn't a fan of my town. He calls it country and I love the country lol.. I never been a city girl.

I hope all is well with each of you and until next time,... Take care..

This humdrum life I live....

Getting mom the help she needs.. Me wanting to go out and do things outside the home... I sometimes feel like my life is just humdrum and doing the daily routine is driving me INSANE...
I have found ways to get her on a schedule to where it is finally working.. However it is making me move on autopilot and man... I want something different to happen..

A couple of weeks ago I went out two weekends straight and I LOVED it... The only problem those who said they would stay with mom while I was out didn't do what needed to be done also acted like it was just a lot of trouble to deal with.. Talk about making me furious.. I don't understand.. When I have family members who say I am going to help you.. You would think that is what they will do.. NOT!

Then these dreams I keep having about this man is making me nuts as well.. See me and this guy have grown up together.. I know that he is bad for me and I am not really interested in his lifestyle but in this dream.. LORD! I want the dreams to stop anyway.. I am going on one year of celibacy (yay me, I did it) and I don't want any drastic changes in my life.. I am happy to say I have overcome my addiction.. So with that being said, I say NO to my dreams.. Don't need it or want it..

I have been trying to keep my distance from Facebook.. It seem that people on my friends list are angry or really in search of a relationship.. I know everyone have mood swings but dang... Is it really that bad.. I know for me it would be nice to be with someone outside talking to my mom all the time.. Yet, I don't have the time, energy, or patience to deal with someone else feelings and time.. I tell you since mom has needed my attention for the last year... I get guys asking me when I am going to make time for them. I am like..  UGH....

I have some much else I want to talk about put my finger tips are killing me right now.. LOL
Have a great day, Be Blessed...

OMG!!

Feeling like a rock in a hard place is becoming too much for me. I had high hopes for this month. I just knew that everything was going to fall into place.. Man, was I wrong..

I don't know what to do but a lot of it is at one point in time I was too nice to the wrong people.
I am trying not to be hard on myself and I am also not trying to block the blessings that have already been stowed upon me.

I do want to find some peace in my mind and spirit. It is really taking it's toll.. I know I will eventually be at a point where I need and want to be. Just hoping I don't die before I get there. My stress level is on High Alert..

As far as financial stand point, if I can get a hold of an and extra  200 a  month I will be on the right track as far as bills. I had bill before I had to quit work to take care of mom and they need to be paid.. I am hoping that they can hold on a little longer until/when tax time comes.

All in All I feel things are promising.  I have faith and time on my hands..

I am starting on my 2nd full week of Unemployment. I needed this break however I am getting bored.. I am also getting frustrated with waiting on my paperwork with my former employer.  I can't do what I need to do without them. 

I am trying to start my business.. In late summer I will be opening my own catering business.. It's going to be my baby. I figured why not do what I love to do.. I know the 1st year or two is going to be hard. I have to really budget, budget.. I am ready for these challenges.. 

I got to do 1st thing first though.. You might see me writing more since I have plenty of time now.. LOL

In my thoughts.. In my feelings.. Just a little something...

In Your Presence

The scent of you

The glimpse of you

The touch of you

Sends of a stream of electricity flowing through my body

It’s the spark

It’s the chemistry

That makes me smile every time you are near

I can’t ever imagine my life without you

Your love

Your smile

In your presence I am complete

In your presence I am happy

In your presence is where I want to be

It feels like a distance memory

I don’t know the last time I was in your presence

I don’t even know what went wrong

One day you loved me

The next never heard from you again

You stopped calling

You stopped texting

You stopped coming by

I was so into you I didn’t notice the signs way before you stopped doing all of those things

In Your Absence I was once sad

In Your Absence I found me

In Your Absence You no longer have that same effect over me!  

Mahoganydymond 2015

Been on a little Hiatus..

I know that sometimes I don't update my blog as often as I would like.. You know LIFE will have you going in all different directions.

As of late I've been working really hard. A lot of hours mostly because of the bad weather and what not.. 

I hope that this year I will have a lot to share with you all. I am going through the process of getting back to the things that I love doing.. Shoot I know a lot of time I have thoughts in my head then I turn around and do even post it.. LOL

I am also going to get back to my thoughts.. 

The things that run through my head is sometimes crazy and then sometimes awesome..

Me and the Bestest is still doing well. Good things are starting to happen to us..  I let go of the idea of  how it suppose to go. I am just letting things go as it is going.  I am in a good place with myself so I don't worry about what it could be.. I think that what was stressing the both of us. 

I hope that you all haven't strayed away to far. I will be coming  back more often.. I was just touching with you all.. 

A New Year!!! Let's see what's in store..

I know it's been a long minute.. Sorry about that.. I've just haven't been in the mood to publish anything. 

A new year is finally here.. I'm glad to see another year as always.. This year I will be turning 40... :( I can't believe it's been 10 years since I was 30.. So I have been doing a lot of reflections as of late. 

I am almost 40 and to say, I haven't accomplished anything that I am totally proud of. 

I am still at a job that I have been working for 21 years... I still home with mom, because of her illness.. I am still single.. with one prospect but he can't get right.. I am still childless... For some reasons I will not display on here...

Just the average Jane that works and comes home.. I have another blog that I talk about my boring life.  I posted on my facebook the other day how I need to find something to do. The ones that I call my friends, they are married with kids, have kids, or still partying.. I am not one who likes to party the way I once did. 

I am in the process of getting my life back on track. I am still in a spiritual journey that I am putting all my faith and worries in God's hands. I see that life with him is so much better than trusting in man. I also being trying to restore trust in people. 

The weight loss journey is about to start all over again. I pray that I will be able to succeed and keep it all off this time.. Also going to try and stop smoking.. They are raising my insurance an extra 125 a month just cause.. No one have that kind of money to blow.. Even if they did I am not sure they want to pay that much.. 

Just some Randoms...

I don't even have a picture to even go with what is going on in my head.. LOL
It is basically a world wind of a little bit of everything..

First off I am ready for some fun.. As I stated I've been tied up with someone since March.. Now that he is no longer a BIG issue for me.. I want to enjoy my freedom.. I no longer have to wait on him to decide on what is going to go on with us. I am not going to lie.. I do miss her dearly and I miss our talks and time together.. He wants us to slow down, so it seems we are just at a complete hault.. I aint mad at him.. It's his life.. It's his loss..I can't control what goes on in his life.. I only have control over mine and I am going to enjoy what little Life I have..

Now my job.. As you all know I was promoted back in March too.. LOL March use to be the worst months for me.. Now it looks like everything just happens in March if it is good or bad..
Well with me taking on this new job.. It seems like I am always at work.. Then it has became that I am the go to girl when there is a problem.. I kinda like being needed.. It is just on my days off, I just wish it was my day off.. LOL Then when I do get back to work it is a mess.. UGH!!.. I am thankful to have a job otherwise..

My emotional state has been all over the place.. One minute I am OH SO EVER happy. Then the next minute I feel like I can punch someone in the throat.. I have tried to be calm in certain situations but I think some people just bring the Debil out of me. Then watching the news and all these shows on the ID channel can wreck a sistah.. It is causing me to be paranoid and scared to go out the house and what not.

That pretty much is my randoms.. All the other stuff I can't tell you.. hehehe

I haven't been writing much because of  my job.. I got promoted about two months ago.. I tell you it has been taking so much of my time. Once I get home from work.. I don't want to do anything but relax... 

Besides that I have been doing fairly well. I am trying to get out more. I am also trying to start traveling more. I have started making plans to go to Miami and Savannah... I can't wait.. 

. My diet that I have been on has had it's ups and it's downs.. I have tried so hard to keep it up. I want to go back to eating VEGAN-ish.. That is so hard now since I've been in pain and am not able to exercise the way I was doing.. Until next time.. I might have a little more to talk about.. LOL 

Spring has sprung!! (Yet winter is trying to hang on)

Spring is a season for a NEW start...

I am happy to say, I am still alive and kicking.. 

I know that I haven't been writing much. It's life.. You all know how that goes..

I have been promoted.. It was a long time coming.. Now, I have to restrain myself from my rants and stuff.. LOL

I am a changed woman.. Since then, I've been low key and working on me again. I fell off a little, but I am getting back there. I also wake up a lot Happier these days. I stop worrying about things that aren't going to change. I also made up my mind what part I want to play in someone's life.. 

I also finally found out what is going on with my Bestest... I wanna be there for him, but I got to show him that he must help himself 1st.. For my betterment, I can not allow people to drain my goodness. I am so tired of being there for people. Even though feeling needed is a feeling I love. I just seem to forget me in the process..

Then the ex, ugh! I needed her to do me a favor, since I am always doing her arse a favor.. Well she wouldn't pan through, it's ok.. I got her papers ready.. I am not going for revenge or anything.. It will be War the next few weeks.. Mostly on her.. She doesn't like to be corrected or getting her feelings hurt.. So it is time to stop being what she wants me to be, docile.. It is time to show her what Mahoganydymond is made of.. I can be the sweetest thing or the most hateful person in the world.. Now it is time.. It's been long over due.. If you can't be there for me when I need you.. What kind of friend are you..?  

Well this is the run down.. Spring has sprung and I am ready for the new..

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter.. I did, even though I had to work. I got to spend time with family that I rarely get to see.. It turned out to be a great day...

Love and Blessings to you all..

Randoms for 2/17/2014

Over the last few week even more so over the last few days.. I have been thinking about trying about relationships and how sometimes you miss having one.. As you all know, I had a wonderful Valentine's and even the two days after.. It was nice and I was glad to have that time with her. It seemed like things were coming together. As this week comes, I am not sure how it is gonna go.. I am going to be optimistic though. 

This right here is gonna be one of my TMI moments. I made a vow last Valentine's you know in 2013 that I wasn't going to have sex anymore. I had said the next person I have sex with will be the person I marry.. It has been a bumpy ride.. I just knew that this was a decision I had to make. I stop falling for temptation. This was also the way to help me continue to work on a Better Me without the distractions. Anyhoo... I had a ritual in which I think most females have.. The I am not going to shave my legs until I know I am about to have sex.. Well, I had to break down and shave.. I felt like an ape.. I am a very hygienic person so I was like this might cause some issues if I don't.. I had to stop because I was getting tired (yes I had that much hair lol).. So I am going to do part two today and finish it up. It was a MESS! Ok I have gave y'all the run down.. #icantbelieveijusttoldyou

I think I just got off subject too.. Well I am getting ready to weight my options and re-evaluate what type of person I want in my life. I am not living for the moment anymore.  I am going to live for the future.. The first step I got to do is get back on track mentally and physically.. I took a break because my job was starting to stress me out... It is about to get even more stressed soon. I just know my Vacation starts March 1st and Ise be ready.. LOL

I am getting to the point..

Lately I am getting to the point where I am truly getting frustrated.. I want something different and I am not sure what. I have thought about just writing full time I might need to take some courses and what not. I  truly need a job where I don't have to talk to people. I see myself wanting to become more and more a hermit.. I really don't like to deal with the outside world anymore.. I want to know what happened to me.. I used to like people.. I used to like meeting and socializing. Now I think I am BURNT out with it all. I like myself. Then I thought if I stop dealing with people, will I become one of those crazy fruit cakes.. You know the ones that start doing weird stuff. I surely don't want to be one of those people.

I have been trying to remain positive. I have came a long way from what I was the last 2 years.. I just get set in my ways to where I don't know how to handle stuff. I also am not to fond of changes. I have seen a few of them over the last few weeks and I can just SCREAM!

I guess I really need to take another trip for a few days to be alone and not having to do anything but clear my head. I blame myself trying to always be available to everyone else. I don't take the time for just me. I did end up going to be back to my healthy eating and cutting out meat. I think thus is about the only thing that is working for me. I like to be in control of things and this is something I have control over.

I hope I figure out what it is what I really wanna do and soon..

YAY!! WOOT WOOT!!

The Holiday's are almost over.. It was a rough one for me this year.. I wasn't in a celebratory mood.. This was the WORST one yet...I think because this year I felt more alone than I ever had. I also worked more that I ever had.. Then going to the doctor and the medication helps me not feel. (which it doesn't work well... It seems I feel more now that ever)..

I plan on getting back to the things that makes me happy.. It was like after my Birthday every thing was going down hill.. I don't understand what happened (well I know some of it).. I just got to remain focus.. I also need to get back to my exercising.. I was a Vegan part of the year and I really need to get back on track.. I think that has a lot to do with my mood too..

I hope that I can keep up with this blog.. I do plan on getting my own site again.. I am just waiting for my name to become available again.. I am going to buy both names this time and not let them go.. I really hate not having my own domain anymore.

Until next time... Be Safe and Happy New Year... 2014 is a coming!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! I guess it is about that time!!

It must be that time.. Ever few months I go on this roller coaster of emotions..   I am trying so HARD to become a better person.. I am trying to HARD to stop being mean, rude, and angry.. It is just people IRKS me! I am so tired of the front I have to put up day after day after day.. 

I don't know if it Menopause or P.M.S.. I just know it is lasting longer than expected... 

Seems like the more I try to calm down.. No matter if I take my medication.. I am still errrrrrrrrrr with people.. It is mostly my job.. Then a few around here who chooses to make my life a LIVING HELL!!

People think that every thing is so peachy over here.. Well it isn't and I don't say much when people ask me what it wrong.. Heck.. It aint nothing they can do about it.. The only good thing that is coming out of my anger episodes is me writing..  I am able to write this gory suspense dark short story.. I guess I am channeling in my dark side.. LOL

I just want this all to be over with.. I feel that I am pushed back into a wall of sorts. 

I hold stuff in until I explode.. I am trying so hard not too.. I told my manager today that I feel like I am on this grumpy old woman status.. 

I am hanging with my bestest tomorrow.. So hopefully he can get me out my funk.. He is the only one I really open up too.. He is also the only one who know when I need prayer or need a hit upside the head.. Hell he is the only one I truly let get close to me no matter my mood.. He is loyal to the max.. Even though sometimes I wanna punch him too..  

So maybe the weekend will look up and I can get out this funk.. 

ISSUES!

I am having some serious issues with the other site where I am posting my writing journey.. So when I get another a site that is (free to post) I will be sure to fill yall in... Have a wonderful weekend!!

Just one of those Days!!

Over the last week.. I have been up and down.. 

I am glad that I am having more good days than bad.. I thought I was about to loose hope in all things...

For one I am still having issues with life, friends, and work...

I cut all ties with those two that were being messy... I had to delete and erase them from my life...

So in due time they will be a faded memory.. I can't deal with Dikthrust women.. 

I had just last night I had to also SHOW someone the ROLE they wanted to play in my life. They cheated on me (well never left their last) then have the nerve to still try and treat me like a GIrLFrienD.. It has gotten to the point I had to break it down.. I was trying to hard not too.. I value the friendship but since she is having a hard time separating that friendship from what we had in the past.. It no longer exist either.. Yea I am dropping these ishes like flies.. 

I am still learning.. I have always be the one that suffers in all this.. I got to STOP dealing with these folks.. 

I just wonder when I am dead and gone, WHAT WILL I BE REMEMBERED FOR… Everyone always tell me how wonderful of a person I am.. How my smile brightens everyone up… So if this was the case… Why I sometimes feels I am not noticed or my feelings doesn't matter..

I hate when the very person that has hurt me and broken me, tells me… “You hurt my feelings!” I don’t get it neither do I can  process the thought. I hurt your, feelings?   To even hear those words rubbed me the wrong way and changed my whole MOOD…

I don't know what people expect from me.. I used to try and figure it out.. Now I know there is no way.. I plan on stop trying. I let things and people get under my skin to quickly and to often.. I know now why my blood pressure stays on the high side. 

We been having one of those crazy weather patterns lately.. Yesterday we had ice and freezing rain.. Today it is warmer and the sun is out.. LOL  It's just nuts.. I guess it is going right along with the way I am feeling.. Sometimes Sunny and Sometimes Gloomy.. 

I am going to go and finish updating my site.. That black and white was driving me coo coo.. 

I love this...

I think this is so cute.. Thanks to my friend over there @Fancy Face Kreations

I have a beautiful and wonderful Banner... 

:)

Visions of 3D!!

I have a few Female Crushes... I have posted about them a few times. Everyone in the world knows I love MARY J BLIGE... Then my sweet crush on Taraiji P Henson... Then the little crush and amazement of Khole  Kardashian.. 

 Well know folks I have a NEW ONE...

To me this woman can not only SING.. After seeing her on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.. I am getting to know something about her and It is drawing me toward her. Now I know me and my Sister will battle it out... Cause she is OBSESSED with her..  I don't think I am at that point... YET! lol

Well I figured out the other night when I kept dreaming about her.. YES.. DREAMING.. 

I was like DAMN, I am crushing on K Michelle.. 

I feel her story about abuse.. No one believed me when I was being abused.. They only saw the good stuff that CAW was doing for me.. They never saw the behind and alone the doors of our relationship.. So I can relate to her... Then those dang thighs.. I am a thigh woman.. I love thick and smooth thighs.. 

I have been calling her 3D.. Her BOOTY is AMAZING.. It looks like it is going to POP out of the TV...

She is really wearing that Bikini.. OMG... She is a perfectly shaped woman...

I am so lusting here.. LOL Anyway. I am going to get this King Magazine... 

I love a Confident Woman.. I Love a Beautiful Woman.. I also Love a Strong Willed Woman..

I don't know her personally.. As far as I can see.. She is the TOTAL package.. Beauty, Brains, Talented, Sweet, Southern Dimepiece.. THE WHOLE 9!

Thanks K Michelle for being the only reason I watch Love & Hip Hop Atlanta... .

I hope that one day I will be able to meet her and STAR-GAZE into her eyes... I might be speechless.. lol

It is what it is!!

I had time to think.. I had time to realize that It is What it Is!! 

I am always hard on myself. When things go wrong, I blame myself a lot. I am the hardest on myself. I try to let things flow. It is a struggle sometimes.. 

This past week has taught me a lot. I even got written up at work too.. I don't know if I am coming or going for real now.. I am so stress to the fact, I am not feeling well..

It was like just a week ago, everything was starting to look up for me.. Now I am back to feeling like I am the only one in this world. WTH?  I am even back to feeling like I need to just isolate myself again. I am seriously tired of people.  Now not the ones that I talk to from time to time.. Not the ones that I believe to be my close friends.. It is just the ones that isn't in my circle. I know that will be hard just cause I work with the public. 

I am trying my best to keep going.. I think my motor is breaking down.. I am so physically and emotionally drained.. 

I pray it gets better.. 

In the meantime I am going to say.. It is what it is!

It is all funny to me...

I don't get it... I am so tired of it.. I even tried to IGNORE this... I am going on with my life... So why are you even in it... Why is what I do and say making you a little shaky... You think cause I have a bigger following and people like me... So you think I am talking about you.. 

You the one that did me wrong..  You are the one that one day Karma is going to burn up in your face. Are you afraid that everyone is going to find out your TRUE COLORS...  Nah, I am not like that.. People can see on their own... 

I woke up this morning with Snapback and Tattoos playing in my head... SO I wrote a rap...  When you read it  have that song in your head.. LOL

Talk Smack, Then F You!!!

Mahoganydymond 

2012

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you

I am too fly, I aint got time for that boo

I am better than that, I aint got time fool

you walking around thinking it is all about you..

You aint got shyt, so what's your problem boo...

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

Talk Smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

I am too fly, I aint got time for that boo...

I am better than that, I aint got time fool...

You mad cause I aint paying your btych ass any attention...

You know you fucked up, now you made that decision...

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

Talk Smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

I am too fly, I aint got time for that boo...

I am better than that, I aint got time fool...

I am a woman that got her own issues... What I do shouldn't even phase you..

All the time biting off others stats... Where's the orginal that is so wack...

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

Talk Smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

I am too fly, I aint got time for that boo...

I am better than that, I aint got time fool...

Now everytime I turn around you thinking I want you there....

Bytch please, there isn't anything thing I want from you, this I swear...

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

Talk Smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

I am to fly, I aint got time for that boo...

I am better than that, I aint got time fool...

My last straw is when you said, you didn't think it was important....

I thought into it and I gave it the rating of Fuck it... 

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

Talk Smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

I am to fly, I aint got time for that boo...

I am better than that, I aint got time fool...

Go on and do you boo, people already know you are such a trife... 

Just stop talking shyt and get up out my life... 

Talk smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

Talk Smack then fuck you, Talk smack then fuck you..

I am to fly, I aint got time for that boo...

I am better than that, I aint got time fool...

I am so silly sometimes... 

I am going to to a video...