Iylana "Fix My Life"... The Pace Sisters!! (my thoughts)... Weighs to cover the pain!!

Oh this show!! This show!! This show!!..

Knowing that I am such a fan of Iylana... This show made me very very emotional.. 

I had all kinds of emotions going through me.. 

I saw their hurt.. I saw their pain.. I could feel their struggle..

Being in a Powerful Family and deep rooted in the church..

Those skeletons will be the death of you.. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally..

You are raised to be a lady at all times, don't sin, and put on a front for the church family..

You want others to think you are perfect all the while you are dying inside..

Growing up there are some things you just don't talk about.. You got to keep it on the hush.. I know when I was younger and something happened.. My grandmother would say.. Hursh it and pray about it.. God is going to make it alright..  Well I am now 37 years of age and I am still waiting.. 

Hey I know praying and my faith in God is helping me cope with all the pain, hurts, and emotions.. I haven't got  to that alright yet.. 

I realized I am a BROKEN woman that wants LOVE to heal me.. 

On this show These sisters main reason for the show was to get behind the reason that all of them being Over-weight and how to do something about it.. How the world know them.. How they came from a strong Religious family.. They have SECRETS... We all know that SECRETS can hurt or kill the family..

The sisters were controlled by the men in their family (father and brother).. One sister was violated by her uncle.. One sister was violated by her brother.. One sister was battling her sexuality.. We all know people will cast down those stones when something like that surfaces.. So they keep the secrets within themselves or within the family.. 

Sometimes weight hides other things.. I don't know about you all but food comforts me.. So growing up in that environment, when you get older it can really shut you down..

After watching this I was speechless.. Not because finding out the the family I grew up listening too and idolize in the Gospel industry... It was because I saw some of me in all them.. Maybe not to their extreme, but how secrets can weigh you down.. How we mange to go day by putting extra coverage over us to hide it..

Life isn't perfect... A Family isn't Perfect... We all have to have our day.. If we can sit and talk let it out.. Then the healing would begin.. If you keep those things inside you it will eat you alive.. If it is hard to talk to someone (in which it is so hard for me) write it down.. Release whatever is troubling you.. Then maybe your Prayers to God will show you a sign and let you know everything is going to be alright.. 

I also heard the word Nice Nasty.... I have had a few people tell me that I am nice and sweet person but at times I can be the nastiest person standing.. I don't think that I am really a bad person.. I do know I don't do well with others.. This is my defense mechanism.. If I give the cold shoulder then I know I won't get hurt... Another way I cover my pain..

I pray that the family continue to heal and become stronger than ever...

I believe in Jesus.. Really I do...

I have noticed that this certain woman that comes in my place of work is always talking to me about Jesus. I have been nice to the lady and never fussed with her. She has always gave me pamphlets and cd's. She wants me to read the pamphlets and call her to discuss whats in it.

She has giving me her number a few times. She says that I am a good person and she wants to lead me to Jesus.. I am looking at her like she is about crazy. I know that it is the Christian thing to do. You know lead people to Christ.. I have no problem with that. My problem is her constant harassment. I have told her I know Jesus.. I know my Bible, but in no forms am I religious.. I am a Spiritual Human.. I believe God loves everyone. I believe as long as I know right from wrong. I pray and believe in his higher power.. I am doing what is expected of me.

Just today she sent me a card with the SAME booklet in it.. it says..

"Tracy, I would really love to talk with you about the things in the little booklet.. We never have enough time to talk when I am in there shopping. I know that the people on your job with no share your info with me.  I want to take you to lunch sometimes so we can talk... I would also love for you to call me sometimes so we can share words. I would love to pray with you. I will also love to tell you about Jesus.. So please call me so we can set up a place and time."

This right here creeps me out so much. I don't understand, WHY ME? She thinks that I am such a sweet and lovely person.. Do I have the devil written all over my face or something. She is really pushing me to my end..

I love Jesus.. I know Jesus... I have my own personal relationship with him...

When I say I am Spirtual... (my vent on fb)

I want to start this off by saying.. I love my God.. I believe in Jesus.. I am spiritual and I have my own personal relationship with the man above. So what I don't choose to go to Church. I might go on occasions and I may wait years until I step into the building. It does not make me a BAD person. We all are sinners that fall short. I am and you will never see me claimed to be holy than thou. Most Christians I come in contact with are just that SINNERS.. No one is perfect in my eyes. I don't play with my God. I don't have to say a scripture every time I feel that I have to make an impression on someone else.

This morning me and my moms had an argument. She complains because I don't go to Church like I should. She said I need to start going. She isn't the only one who have said that to me...Granted, I do need to go to get the word. It is not the Church I have problems with. I can stay in there all day long and feel great. It is just I can't take some of the people that resides in them.
Like I said before, I am not going to play with God. I know he died for our sins. If we ask him for forgiveness then he has the right to choose whether or not to let us into everlasting life in heaven with him.

I run across many people who claim to be Christian and do not do Christian acts. God is love, so why is it hard for some people not to love one another. They roam the streets screw anything that floats across. They are out in bars drinking (which I love to do) and do who knows what and why. Now I do know that people have the choice to do what ever they like. I just wish that some will spread a little love around the place. STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND WHAT THEY AREN'T DOING.. Sweep around your own front door.. PLEASE...

Do you know putting judgment on someone is a SIN? Do you know that adultery is a SIN? Do you know stealing is a SIN? These are a few things that are posted in the 10 Commandments... So why is it so hard for some just to see... Love is not.. Acceptance is not... Giving another person space to grow is not.. It is not a sin to let people be who they are.. You can not force nothing upon someone that they have to work themselves to get too..

So is being a spiritual being so wrong? I know right from wrong.. I am grown.. I have my personal relationship with God.. I pray, I worship, my body is my temple and God lives there... So back off...

My Thoughts of Today... Happy Easter and Church Folks

Happy Easter to everyone.. Today is the day we celebrate Jesus resurrection. Also the little kiddies go out in their Easter outfits and find eggs... It is also a day that the church houses are packed out.

I am not so big on the church. I am spiritual and not religious. I have said that so many times, people just don't understand. I believe and I worship Christ.  I love Jesus. It is just hard right now finding a church that can really deliver me the word.

This morning my Mother was fussing at me because I wasn't going to Church. I told her I would be just like most of the hypocrites that will be there today.  When I used to be in the church, I always wondered why so many people where there on Easter Sunday. As I got older I think I have it figured out.  It is because it is an Holy day and also people want to show off their new fits..

I am thankful for the grace of of Jesus. It is because of him, I live. Believe me I have lived with demons all my life. I don't have no one to thank but him for keeping me out of the storm. My body is my church. I pray that one day I will be able to find a church that I can call my own. I do want to be a frequent member of his house.

The things that made me stray a little from attending the church was the people. My family's church the people are not what they appear to be. I mean I have seen some do all kind of things. Then on Sunday you would think they had a twin. They are the total opposite.  Once I went to a church and the woman pastor literally called me out. It was because I had on makeup. I thought that was something that was so uncalled for. I see people that speak to me at church. Then when out on the street, can't even say one word. I am like how Christian of you to do such a thing.

I am not saying that the Church folks are keeping me from attending. It just that I am searching for a loving and deeper congregation. I want a deeper connection with the Lord. I want someone to move me and make every Church experience to be meaningful and a lesson learned.

I don't want to play with the Lord. I know he forgives and he died for our sins. I just don't think that sinning all week long and going to Church on Sunday being holy than thou is the right road. I sometimes wonder how a person can live with themselves by doing that. 

I wish each and every one of you all again Happy Easter...

My thought of Today... Faith

My Faith has taught me that God will not put anything on you that you can not bare. Also that if you give it to God he will solve all your problems. As I sit back and been doing a lot of my thinking. This is true, God will make a way for you.

I am by no means a Religious person. Although I am a spiritual person my faith lies on God and Jesus Christ. I have a relationship with him and I feel that at times I do not thank him as much as I should.

He has helped me through it all. I mean through every storm to ever trial. God has helped me see the clearer side of things. He sent people to me that needed to be there at that time. I call those people my Angels.

It was a time when I thought life sucked. I thought nothing that I do was right. I wondered what was my purpose for even being here on earth. I wanted to give up. I wanted to truly end my life. Then one day I was here on the internet and was talking to a friend on here. She called me and laid it to me. She even gave me hope for the future. To this day I still call this woman my Angel.

I am at another dark moment in my life right now. It is not so good. It is stress, money and bills. I also have a short line of dental surgery that I have to have done. Then I have people that I was close to that is not even that close.

So at this point in my life and the fact that I am getting older. I want to build a stronger relationship with God. I have been there, done that, and it is coming around again. So I feel in my heart that if God got me through it before.. I know he is going to get me through it again. All I have to do is have Faith..