Everything is going well..

I thought about how I don't update much any more. I think Facebook has taking so much from the blogging community.

Me and the guy I started back seeing is still doing well. Like most relationships you have good and bad days. However he knows when I mean business lol. My birthday no to long passed and he treated me well. I was shocked but I was happy in the same token.  His birthday is in a few weeks and I am still trying to process as to what he is going to do or wants to do.

Mom is still hanging in there. It isn't as hard as it was in the beginning but still a little rough. She no longer walk so It is hard getting her around. I have came to grips about her life is changing and that this Dementia is a terminal illness.  It hurts because you never think you could live without your parents.

The Holiday season is fastly approaching and I truly don't know how to feel about it.  When I was decorating for fall last month I thought about how much LaShun (moms aide that died last year) helped me with my mom. I started crying.. Then once Christmas comes and knowing how much she loved Christmas, I don't know... She lost her life that day leaving my house and that day will forever be embedded in my mind.

Me and the man still trying to decide about what we are going to do in the future. He wants me to move in and I am still debating on that. I love my house but I also know that he isn't a fan of my town. He calls it country and I love the country lol.. I never been a city girl.

I hope all is well with each of you and until next time,... Take care..

Just let it be..

The other day something was brought to my attention... Someone that is close to me is having concerns about someone that has been spending time with me. See she knows our past. I know that she doesn't like him well just because of what he has done to me in the past.
I take her concerns in to consideration but she is unknowing of the extent of me and his relationship.. The last few years since I been taking care of my mom he has been the constant person here. He checks up on us.. He sometimes spend the weekend with us and he gives me money if I need items like personal stuff and food. I have appreciated his company. When every one walked away or barely check up on me I know he will be there..
I'm not quite sure what to call him but my friend.. We been through hayal and back with one other.. True he sometimes make me sick but in other times we have alwAys had each other back.
She too has been there for me. She also helps me out when she can but when she calls and checks up on me it is mostly to find something else out about me or someone else. I love her but just let it be..
I'm ok right now with the dynamic of my life. I don't have time to go out and meet new people. I don't have time to put in for a new relationship.. He knows me, he knows what I like, and I'm willing to put up with him for the time being.
I  don't think anything is going to come out of this but he is my friend that I was once madly in love with.. I have had my life ripped from me so if he brings me some type of happiness and joy can I just enjoy it.. It's feels good to have interaction with a male after just taking care of mom all day. A man's touch had become non existence I'm not perfect nor is he but I'm 25 years of friendship with him. We been through it all and we remain in each other's life.. Just let it be.

What's the Deal?

I know I don't blog like I used to but what is up with all this spam?
Has Blogger going through the motions? I was thinking I might have to close the comment section. I hate doing that just in case some of you want to.. I truly don't know if folks still read my blog.. LoL
I am trying to get my cooking blog back together.. Been working on it for a few weeks..
I hope all are doing well. Nothing new with me..

The run down of the run down...

Happy New Year to you all... I am kinda glad for this new year. Last year well last month was HORRID for me.
It seems like after Thanksgiving everything in my life was falling apart.. It first started when my depression kicked in 10 folds.. It was so bad that I had just really had to take a break from almost everything.
 Mom got sick and it seem like nothing helping her. Her doctor prescribed a antibiotic it worked while she was taking it but a few days later she was back sick again.  I was so afraid I was about to lose my mom.. She even stopped walking and stopped responding to most things. She wanted to sleep a lot and it was nothing I could do..  One Sunday I just couldn't take it anymore, I called EMS and we headed to ER...  We found out she was dehydrated and also had Pneumonia.. So they pumped her with a lot of antibiotics and IV fluids. In two days mom was back to being alert but however still not able to walk. She totally depends on me for everything.. I bathe, feed, change her, and give her medications. It's rough doing this alone even though we have aides and nurses to visit the home.

Speaking of At home help... (emotional part of December)One of my mom's aides that we adored so much lost her life on Christmas Day.. She was such a BIG help not only to my mom's life but mine. We didn't have to  worry with La-Shun around.. A beautiful woman inside and out.. She was genuinely a fresh of air. She cared for people.. Man, she was a SWEETHEART! I didn't have to worry about my mom with her. I didn't have to work period. She helped me get things that my mom needed when he case worker was just so stagnant, She helped me decorate for Fall and Christmas.. She even helped pay for my Birthday celebration.. She was my sister.. I didn't know her long.. We met in August after mom slapped her last aide. Mom LOVED La-shun.. Even to this day mom didn't really know her name yet she still calls out.. She would look at me and say "where is she?" Every time I get tears forming in my eyes.  On Christmas Day she came to help me bathe and get mom dressed for the day. I normally gave her holidays off but since mom is no longer walking I needed her help. She was so full of life that morning.. She gave mom gifts and watched her open them. She ate breakfast with us.. I am normally depressed and so gloomy on Christmas so she tried everything in her power to cheer me up.. She was excited to spend time with her family.. She said see you tomorrow and for me to please smile for her... I gave a fake smile..  Three hours later the company she worked for called and told me she was dead.. On her way to her next client she had a car wreck that threw her out the window and she went into cardiac arrest and died.. I am still trying to cope with the fact she is gone. I also couldn't watch the local news because they kept playing the video at the scene.  I got new aide but they will not measure up to her.. I even had to let one go after working  3 days.. The heffa put her feet on my chair and came in high.

I had a total of 5 people I knew died in the month of December.. La-Shun, then my former church pastor that was big part of my life growing up.. My Best friend that died two years ago her mom died 3 days before Christmas, one of my friends that I had in school..I also had a cousin to pass...
So you all see why December was not a good month for me.

It's a New Year so I claim in the name of Jesus this year will be so much better.. Mentally, emotionally, and physically better..