When there is nothing else but to let God...

I had to just come and write tonight.. Today has been such an amazing day full of hope and promises.. 

I had the most in depth, heartfelt, spiritual conversation.. 

Me and the man I've been calling my Bestest over the years.. 

Let me introduce my Bestest.. 

He is an amazing man who is often misunderstood even by me.. :)

He has been one that even before MC was someone I knew was going to always be in my life. 

He brings out the BEST in me and sometimes the WORSE when he pisses me off. ;) (who doesn't from time to time)..

Well in the past we have always been very close friends.. We have  always been able to talk about anything.. Have a debate and agree to disagree.. He is one man that keeps me in my place.. You know I am someone who always got to control every situation and he makes sure to give me an reality check. 

I LOVE this man to the MOON and BACK..

He is my Ying to my Yang..

I speak highly of him.. I guess you all are wondering why this isn't my husband.. I wonder that myself.. I believe in time he will be the one that walks me down the isle. Until he will ALWAYS be my BEST FRIEND the man I call my BESTEST.. 

Anyhoo I hung out with him yesterday.. I tend to always sleep over from time to time when I need to get away from home.. 

This morning waking up and seeing him, something came all over me. I mean I was feeling some type of way and I had to talk about it.. 

Over the years I have been burned by people.. Whether it was work, church, friends, and family.. So I discussed my concerns.. I have been on this spiritual journey over the last few months.. He has always been a spiritual person himself.. When ever I was in a test of faith mode, he was the one I always had turned to..  

I just say this.. When a person can cry, pray, and laugh together... REMAINS TOGETHER!! 

I never experienced this with a friend or family before..

It was like GOD was really speaking through our conversation today.. We shed tears, amazement, and had a very moving moment.. 

Then to hear Tracy, you are the one.. Never think that you aren't.. I am ready for God to lead me to you and be front and center of our relationship/friendship.. I love you and I know you love me.. So lets let God lead our direction..

(do you all know how that made me feel) I NEVER in my life had a man nor woman say that to me.. 

I started crying again.. Then laughed because I saw how serious he was.. Then I felt bad because I thought he was joking at first.. But this man is serious.. So we are going to see where this road is going to lead us.. Just know you all.. I am Happy to still have my BESTEST in my life.. 

I have learned so much from him and he has learned a lot from me.. It just seems in time.. Our paths or going to be going the same direction.. No rush just enjoying life on my way.. 

I believe in Jesus.. Really I do...

I have noticed that this certain woman that comes in my place of work is always talking to me about Jesus. I have been nice to the lady and never fussed with her. She has always gave me pamphlets and cd's. She wants me to read the pamphlets and call her to discuss whats in it.

She has giving me her number a few times. She says that I am a good person and she wants to lead me to Jesus.. I am looking at her like she is about crazy. I know that it is the Christian thing to do. You know lead people to Christ.. I have no problem with that. My problem is her constant harassment. I have told her I know Jesus.. I know my Bible, but in no forms am I religious.. I am a Spiritual Human.. I believe God loves everyone. I believe as long as I know right from wrong. I pray and believe in his higher power.. I am doing what is expected of me.

Just today she sent me a card with the SAME booklet in it.. it says..

"Tracy, I would really love to talk with you about the things in the little booklet.. We never have enough time to talk when I am in there shopping. I know that the people on your job with no share your info with me.  I want to take you to lunch sometimes so we can talk... I would also love for you to call me sometimes so we can share words. I would love to pray with you. I will also love to tell you about Jesus.. So please call me so we can set up a place and time."

This right here creeps me out so much. I don't understand, WHY ME? She thinks that I am such a sweet and lovely person.. Do I have the devil written all over my face or something. She is really pushing me to my end..

I love Jesus.. I know Jesus... I have my own personal relationship with him...

Don't give what you can.. Give what I ask for... Paying money to go to Church...

Today a lady from the church that my uncle attends stopped by they house to give out flyers...   I was listening to what she was saying. I didn't say much I basically smiled and took the flyer.. Cause from the jump I was about to flip. She said Donations is 20 dollars. "WHAT?"  So when the lady left, I sat down and read the flyer...

It was a flyer for their Pastor's Anniversary..  It stated to please where RED if you are going to attend.. It also said "Donations 20 dollars at the door"... I was like she was correct... Twenty dollars to go to church.. I never in my life.  I believe in giving to the church. I don't believe it is ethical to tell someone how MUCH you want them to give.. That is like charging at the door.. I am no member of this church and I feel iffy about this..

I talked to my mother and she was saying they said donations.. I go on and on to tell my mother what donations mean... It is to give what you can.. At this rate 20 dollars can break me.. That is my lunch money for the week.. I said God knows my heart and my Soul..

Another reason this got me.. Is that they just built this church two years ago.. Their pastor has a nice car.. Then some of the members that I know is always hollering BROKE.. Even a few had check writing problems.. They were bouncing check from left to right.. I know a few of them.. I have witness that some of them never had money problems until they joined that church.

All in all I thought that was rather tacky to put that on the flyer.. I think they should have put donations would be accepted or donations are welcome.. I think by them putting that on the flyer makes someone not want to go to church.. If I won't pay 20 to get into the club.. Why would I give 20 to go to church..

Maybe their heart was in the right place.. I just don't know what would make them put such a thing on there... I can sit at home and get the word.. I can turn to Gospel network and hear some of my favorite Gospel singers.. I just don't see myself going to church to see a pastor that I not to keen on.. Also to give them 20 of my dollars...


See why I remain Spiritual and not Religious...

When I say I am Spirtual... (my vent on fb)

I want to start this off by saying.. I love my God.. I believe in Jesus.. I am spiritual and I have my own personal relationship with the man above. So what I don't choose to go to Church. I might go on occasions and I may wait years until I step into the building. It does not make me a BAD person. We all are sinners that fall short. I am and you will never see me claimed to be holy than thou. Most Christians I come in contact with are just that SINNERS.. No one is perfect in my eyes. I don't play with my God. I don't have to say a scripture every time I feel that I have to make an impression on someone else.

This morning me and my moms had an argument. She complains because I don't go to Church like I should. She said I need to start going. She isn't the only one who have said that to me...Granted, I do need to go to get the word. It is not the Church I have problems with. I can stay in there all day long and feel great. It is just I can't take some of the people that resides in them.
Like I said before, I am not going to play with God. I know he died for our sins. If we ask him for forgiveness then he has the right to choose whether or not to let us into everlasting life in heaven with him.

I run across many people who claim to be Christian and do not do Christian acts. God is love, so why is it hard for some people not to love one another. They roam the streets screw anything that floats across. They are out in bars drinking (which I love to do) and do who knows what and why. Now I do know that people have the choice to do what ever they like. I just wish that some will spread a little love around the place. STOP TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND WHAT THEY AREN'T DOING.. Sweep around your own front door.. PLEASE...

Do you know putting judgment on someone is a SIN? Do you know that adultery is a SIN? Do you know stealing is a SIN? These are a few things that are posted in the 10 Commandments... So why is it so hard for some just to see... Love is not.. Acceptance is not... Giving another person space to grow is not.. It is not a sin to let people be who they are.. You can not force nothing upon someone that they have to work themselves to get too..

So is being a spiritual being so wrong? I know right from wrong.. I am grown.. I have my personal relationship with God.. I pray, I worship, my body is my temple and God lives there... So back off...