You gotta do what you got to do...

Things been going fairly well.. I have my days and some are better than others.. I am starting to get tired of people telling me how I should be feeling.  No one walks in my shoes.. My life is a learning process and I have to learn, ya know.. 

Anyhoo I had to start treating folks they way they treat me. I know I might sometimes come off as a needy attention seeker..LOL I just feel that I am important.. I also I sometimes suck at being a friend. I am just one who has to shut herself off sometimes before I flip..That is my coping ritual... It's never personal..

I went out of town weekend from last.. I had a wonderful time. I came back with a clear head.. I really needed that freeing experience.. I needed to BREAK free.. I also had to show a certain someone, you have no control over me even though you think you do... 

I am me! I am going to do me...

Well coming back with that clear head.. A that two week vacation I took from work.. I limited access to my life. I stop updating my facebook every minute (lol) I set my profile to friends only.. I also added some people to a can't trust list so they can't see some of my post.. 

I don't be in a hurry to answer text or phone calls. I don't cook the foods that person likes.. I even went as far just not being fucking available.. Yesterday made 2 years since she broke my heart.. That was just 2 years to damn long to be in mourning over her. 

I still hurt something seriously, but I can not stop my life.. I know at times I said I had enough.. Then come back falling for the shyt.. I am truly tired this time.. Heck, I am tired of dealing with it.. I thought that maybe being friends would be ok. I just had to say in order for me not to resent you, I can't deal with you..

So I am now on that motto.. That Golden Rule.. Treat others as they treat you... I am on it!

I know I talked about her yesterday but.. Hmmmmm...

Beautiful woman...

Lupita 

My new celebrity crush.. 

My Night with The Oscars!!

Best Picture	12 Years a Slave
Best Actor in a Leading Role	Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)
Best Actress in a Leading Role	Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
Best Actor in a Supporting Role	Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)
Best Actress in a Supporting Role	Lupita Nyong'o (12 Years a Slave)

I want to 1st say ELLEN was one of the Best Host since Whoopi... I enjoyed the show and I am not an Award Show person.. I watched because of Lupita Nyong'o you know she is my NEW Female Crush.. LOL I enjoyed watching and on Twitter & Facebook seeing other people reactions..

The selfie was everything.. Ellen is a nut for sure.. Then laughing at Kerry Washington really wanting a slice of pizza.. Well she is feeding a baby...Only Ellen would do that and pass out paper plates.. LOL

Then when Lupita won.. OMG tears filled my face.. In which I have been crying about everything lately but this touched me so.. 

That statement was everything to everyone.. I am not going to call her the NEW ROLE MODEL but she is an inspiration.. She is really the My Black is Beautiful Person.. Her spirit, her humbleness, her grace, her style her everything... 

Then my Husband in my mind.. Matthew, he did such great work in Dallas Buyers Club.. An awesome movie by the way. 

His speech was like I was a church.. LOVE LOVE LOVED it... Alrite, Alrite, Alrite!!

The an AMAZING movie, An AMAZING cast, and AMAZING Story.. 12 years a Slave won Best Motion Picture.. Talk about someone jumping up and down.. I so wanted that to happen... I knew it would because that was a story coming from someone who had lived being a slave. Also how his FREE life was taken away..

Again.. A wonderful Award show!!!

My only disappointment was the fact Pharell didn't win for Happy!! 

Take a Look in the Mirror and don't walk away until you fall in love with yourself!!

This morning talking to one of my friend guys.. He was asking me what was really going on in my life. He had been getting signals from my Facebook Statuses and he wasn't happy about it. I gave him the run down and he said this...
"u don't love yourself enough bc u keep allowing yourself to be hurt from the same type of situation...remember people don't change they just become more of who they really are! So go stand in front of your mirror and don't move until you fall in love with the person u see in it....."

This got to me, because I am one who always say I love myself daily.. I truly believe I love myself. So this got me to question myself.. Do I really?

I think that I am a ok looking woman.. I work hard to provide for myself. I am a loving person. I help people when I can. I don't ask for much. I live day by day with optimism.. So where am I failing? I don't think that I am a failure... I try to live my life right..

I just want to feel.. I want to feel LOVE.. I want to feel WANTED.. I want to feel BELONG to.. I don't think that is not Loving myself. Yes, I have allowed people to continue to hurt me. I think that is cause I am easily to get hurt. I play strong but I am so into my emotions anything can trigger that.

It's a process everyday to learning how to give myself props. I haven't hurt anyone in my lifetime as I know of. So I will never say it is Karma. I just believe when I LOVE someone I LOVE them. Getting over the hurt and pain always seem to live longer than the relationship.. It's the reasons behind it, I believe.. I am a good person. I give my honesty, my Loyalty, and all the respect in the relationship. I am starting to believe it is ME..I has to be. People LOVE me only in spurts. I said this before and I am going to say this again.. I am not CUT out for this. Even though deep down inside I crave it..

So I am going to work on How to Love me More... I must have lost the memo on it..
Have a great and wonderful Sunday.. It is beautiful here in SC..