Don't like this feeling...

Even though I have embraced being single and not getting involved with anyone else.. Today I got slapped in the face... I miss it.. I miss the feeling of love.. I miss being in the arms of someone.. 

I was washing dishes and I got a whiff of a smell that reminded me of a man. OMG I thought I was going to fall out.. That scent took me to a place where I was remembering what it felt like to be in the arms of a man. To smell his scent when we were on our way out for the evening.. 

Why does things have to be this way? Trying to grip of things.. I broke down and started balling.. These emotions these emotions.. I am getting so TIRED of them.. I know the other night when I was writing my entries for my series My Journey.. I broke down and started crying about how hard it is for me to love.. 

I just want to feel the REAL LOVE.. I have people who want to go out with me.. Then it seems that they only want what's comes in between my legs.. So I have to back away from them.. I wish I had an admirer that would go the distance just to notice I just want to be held. You know laying on the couch watching a good movie and I am in their arms feeling safe and secure.. That was one of the things I missed about Cooper.. He had his ways but he never mind just being there to hold me. 

Being home on the weekend after working hard all week.. I come in the house and rarely go out.. There is hardly anything to do anymore.. I am seriously at the age where I want to settle down.. I just don't know what it will take to find someone to settle with. 

I feel that I am a very loyal and understanding woman.. I am a great catch.. I can say I am a little picky but we all have our preferences.. It's not that I have a long list... I want a Loving, God Fearing, well Groomed, Humorous, Working man.. Is that too much to ask? I can bring Love, Understanding, Commitment, Loyalty,  Humor, and Honesty to the table.. 

My friend today had a status on his Facebook about how men and women over look the good women and men because of their looks and financial status.. I believe that is true in some cases.. I am not the best looking (although I am quick to say I am the finest thing around) person.. I might not be rolling in the dough either.. I live mostly paycheck to paycheck.. I have had people in the past break up with me because of my lacks of.. 

So as I embrace the single life.. Deep inside I miss the companionship of a relationship.. The rest of my life might be living alone and I have come to deal with it.. It just at times I really would like to feel that I am a pleasure to be around.. I still dream of the day that I am the 1st and last things someone thinks about.. A dream that I am never gonna stop having.. .