I'm going through some changes...

I was sitting here listening to Ledsi..  Her song song "Goin' through some changes". It could have not came on at a better time. I still going through my issues.  Yesterday was one hell of a day for me. I was so out of my (NEW) character. I promised myself that I wouldn't let things bother me anymore. I suppose to get over it.  I thought that I would be able to handle it.. Lord was I wrong. 

My high spirit went to the ground. I found out that MC is now in a relationship with someone. It is a person I've questioned him about awhile back. So I went to see when all of this could have taken placed.. I went to the BP page, his FB page... I don't believe she is on his Myspace page.. Yea I was stalkerish... I found some things that I didn't want to see.. This OLDER woman even calls him MC like I do.. How dare he let her do that?  She even has a son that is so close to MC's age.. WTFH?

It hurt like hell.. I played it off the best way I could. I told him how I felt about it. Well didn't tell him all.. I gotta keep my cool some kind of way.. Heck he will be reading this pretty soon anyway.  It took close to 3 years before he even acknowledged me as his girlfriend. It took him 4 years to show me to his family. Also to say I was a special person in his life. It took 5 years for him to say he loved me.  So when it only took this woman a few months to get this title I was furious.. Now note that started communicating last year (I think around September).. Just the beginning of this year, I saw where he said she was a special woman in his life..

What the FUCK was I? More and more I think about it.. I wasn't nothing to him. I was just a friend that he kicked with.. I was a person to talk to... I was just someone he screwed..   Hell I didn't work for this relationship for 6 HARD years.. I have nothing to show for it now but a freaking (BROKEN-HEART).. Yea I finally said it.. I am Heart-Broken.. I am upset.. I am dammit MAD... 

I tried to be a understanding woman. I tried to pretend that it doesn't bother me. I was doing all that to keep my sanity. Well all it was doing was bringing me down. Walking around with freaking fake smiles. Telling people that I am ok. Well I can no longer say that.. I am not ok.. I don't know if I will ever be..

Those good times, those memories, the long talks.  I lost myself into this man. My interest with women even came at a halt when I was with him. I felt like everything in the world was so much better, just because he was in it..  He was the one man I can say I ever loved. Too bad, he just couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved..

One day this hurt will soon fade.. Maybe soon, maybe later.. Who knows..!!! I still love that man.. Shyt Hell.... It never took me this long to get over anyone.. I do know I hope that he is happy.. I pray that the woman treats him good.. I also hope he finally knows what love is and how to love someone.. He wasn't too good at doing it with me... I wish you all the luck in the world MC....