My mother tends to joke about this with me. She doesn't know why I am the way that I am. I seriously don't know myself as to why. It is so many things that I want to do in life. I just live in the fear of it all. I know I am capable of doing so much. I just afraid to push ahead with it. I don't know why I live like this.
See I want to move away. I am even afraid to do that. Going to a new city and not knowing anyone. It could be a real devastation on my part.
I am so afraid of failure to the point, I won't do it because it may result into that. So I continue to stay in my comfort zone. You know, close to home, same job, and same friends. I see the world move while I still sit back and watch. I believe why I stay depressed a lot.
I believe that I have blocked so many blessings. When another come around, it might not even be meant for me. I hold back on so much. I can't even find my true love just because of my fear of what everyone else would think.
I know some of you would say... Mahogany, Grow the Hell Up... I even say that to myself sometimes. I had to act grown at an early age than most. So I wonder at times, did I just fear that. Not being able to just be a kid and let life take it course. Was my upbringing misleading? I have so many questions to why I am the person I am. Some say because I always got what I wanted. Now that I am older, things I want stay where they are.
I don't want to live in fear. I want to live to my fullest potential. I just don't know how to get there. I wish life was an easy button. LOL.. Maybe a magic eraser. It would be able to erase a lot of the things that hinder me. It has came to the point to where I shelter myself from the outside. I want to break down those doors one day. One day soon. Life is so short, I never know if I am going to see what the future holds. So I got to start living in the moment and stop being so damn afraid.
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