Self-Worth... something that I had to learn...

My sister has a few of her friends post our opinions about certain topics like a group blog. It is over there on facebook.  It had be thinking and I asked her not to use my name because MANY people on her page might not know.  I did feel the need to post what I wrote over here on my blogger page.

You might say why in the world would you post this to the public anyway. You told your sister not to post your name. Then you come across and post it to the world over here.. Well my real name will not and has not been in the mix to much over here..LOL

Here is what I wrote. I started thinking back on how I had to learn my worth... It was a long process, I am getting there. I also have my days.. I'm taking it one day at a time...


Discovering your Self-Worth...

I am just now learning this. I don't believe I got the memo back when I was growing up. I grew up fast and learned a lot on my own. I had one of those parents that really didn't talk much about certain things.  All I know I wanted to be loved and wanted by someone.  I had parents that loved me don't get that twisted. I just needed something else. I was the only child and I felt lonely.

 

I wanted to fit in the crowd. I wanted everyone to like me. So believe me I did things that no one on earth would know just by looking at me. I felt if I did those things then I would get all the love I wanted in the world.  Boy was I wrong. I started hearing things about myself from other people. So all the while I am thinking it was an all about me world. Those words hurt. So I started thinking that was who I was.  I started being the person everyone thought I was. I felt that was the only way I would get attention.

 

I tell you those things to this day still haunts me. So I shut my self out from the world so to speak. I barely talk to people. I was once a chipper person with a golden attitude. Now it has became a fear of all people.  You know it was bad when a person would say my name. Then everybody had to put their 2 cents in...  It came to where my world was crumbling down, when someone I loved heard those things. It didn't tear the relationship down. It didn't help it either. It became a rocky one after that.

 

So I began to think I wasn't worth anything. I felt I could never be happy because of what my name stood for. People who I thought cared for me and loved me changed everything. I felt like a worthless piece of crap for a long time. I ended up giving up hope. It even got to a point where I wondered why was I put on this earth. I still have yet to find my purpose in life.

 

It was just last year when I finally learned my self worth. It took 15 years to regain the respect for myself. I had to hit rock bottom. I had to loose a lot of friends to get to this point. I had to put my past behind me and continue to live in this world. I had to start putting my Big Girl Draws on and face it. I am not what others think of me. I am who I am because I love me. I never knew how much loving yourself would give you a bigger vaildation. I no longer need anyone or anything to let me know my self worth. I wake up every morning and look at a priceless gem in the mirrior.  I came a long way baby.. I love myself, a love my family, and I don't need no one else to make me feel other wise.