Tell me before it is too late...

I was sitting here thinking about when my cousin Tim had passed.  It was hard for the whole family because he was so well liked and loved. Friends we didn't even know he had packed out the church that day. I mean our BIG church had people even in the balcony. We ran out of programs twice. I was happy to know that a lot of people showed up.  Even it was to be nosy. I knew they loved him or he touched their lives in some kinda way.

When Tim was getting sick and I knew he never would come back home. I felt as if I was losing my best friend. I raised him, but still he felt like my younger brother. I help take care of him at an early age.  I think he got the Diva attitude from me. LOL... When they sent him to hospice, I just could never go. I didn't want to see him suffer like that. I knew he was ready. I knew he just wanted to keep on moving. Someone had told me, that he told them. If he ever found out he had AIDS he no longer wanted to live. He just wanted to die and get it all over with. One day (before he passed) he begged me to come and see him. I just couldn't I tried to explain to him why my heart was just to heavy to see him like that.
He was dying and I know all I would do was cry. He didn't need to see me like that. So he told me to put it all into writing. See he know that I always write down my thoughts. I am not good at telling people things face to face. I can write a letter in a heartbeat though.  So I wrote him a letter and I was going to take it to him.  

That early morning around 12am Hospice gave us a call and said that he had passed. I was relieved and sad at the same time. I ended up rewriting the letter to put in his obituary. He got the letter that he asked for. I am glad that he knew I loved him. I told him that all the time. I am also glad I got the chance to have known such a wonderful person. Although at times he was a mess to deal with.

So what  I am basically trying to say is, don't wait until I die to tell me how you felt about me. Don't come to the funeral just to say how wonderful I am.  I want to know now while I am alive and can understand. I am at the point to where, life is to short. I don't want to die and not know how that person felt. You know the saying.. Don't wait until I die to give me flowers.... Give them to me while I am alive. I believe that it goes the same for words.

I want to know how I impacted a persons life. I want to know if that person cared or not..  So tell me... What do you think of me? How do feel about me?  What kind of person do you see me as? Am I a good friend?  Do you see my loving and caring heart? What do I mean to you?

Those are some of the things I would like to know.. Hey just call me nosy... You never know what just a few words would do to a person... Everyone wants to feel special and loved...