I'm tired of being the friend... I am ready to be a wife...

I know that I am not totally over my S.O.S at this present time.  It is going to be a healing process I must go through to get over it.. I can say, I'm doing fairly well with it.. I took my grieving time to clear my head. I am welcoming the change.. 

This time around though.. I am ready to be a wife. I don't like dating.. I don't like going through the constant changes it put one through.. I never been the type to date several people. I date one, then I end up in a relationship with that person. If I fall in love I hurt.. If I don't see myself falling in love with them. I move on to the next one..

Now I am getting older. I am also in the fear of growing up being my mother.. She never married.. She never experienced the whole wedding. I know for me.. It is something I want to do. I want to spend the rest of my life with just one person. Someone that loves me unconditionally..  So I am working on me. I am getting myself self in order to find my Mr or Mrs Right. I am no longer going to waste my life on someone who isn't going to give me that walk down the isle. 

When I meet people, they always say... You are such a good person.. May we be friends.. I tell you this.. I know that is in my character. I treat everyone with such kindness. Even people I don't know.. I try to be compassionate and so friendly.  I don't know if this is what keeps my potential mates away or what. I used to sit back and watch other people relationships.. I see how some women dogged the man out or vice verse.. Then I am like how those two people get married. As for one I don't know what it takes to be wifey material. I do know an ex in my past once told me.. You are a wifey material, and I am not ready for that.. What did that mean?

My past relationships has taught me that some people can't handle what I can offer.. I am very creative.. I am very loving.. I am very caring.. I am also a great cook.  Growing up, I heard stories that is the making of a good wife. So growing up.. I learned all the things.. I taught myself how to cook. I learned how to clean house. I learned how to manage money.. Heck I even learned how to sew, and decorate. In my relationships, I have even learned how to comprise.. In which in a lot of cases it is what MARRIAGE is all about. 

I know they say that you have to wait on God to bring the right person that is right for you. I understand the whole 9 of that. So maybe I have been carrying myself wrong. I am not to sure as to what and how to.. I have been thinking as to how and why I am not married yet. It could be in the choices I have made in life. I could be the type of people I gave my heart to.

I have always been afraid to tell a person what I wanted up front. I always thought it was the man that suppose to ask you in marriage. I want to know how do you go and say... I am looking for marriage and if you aren't ready then we can't be together.. How do you do that? Especially if you are having such a great time with that person.You are enjoying the company with that person.. I am so in disarray... I don't know how to set myself up for this.

Most of the time when I meet people. I just go with the moment.  When things don't quite work out. I become their friend. Either that or we end up as friends from the jump. Well I am tired of being a friend. I am tired of always being the HOMEGIRL.. I am ready to say I am a Mrs.. I don't want to grow old and be a Miss.. Like I said. I want to grow old with someone.. I want to wake up every morning and feel the love in the household. I want to say this is my better half.

So as I am working toward my goal.. I am getting my life in order.. I have to show the next potential mate what I have to offer.. Be able to show what I can bring to the table.. I will leave my past where it sits. I am going to be a great wife one day. I was made for it. I was molded to be one. I am getting a little old not to want anything else, but to share my life with an AWESOME person that we can complete each other..

I don't mind having friends.. Don't get me wrong... I am just ready for a new chapter in life.. I want to experience the walking down the isle and sharing my life with Some One Special....