"You let go and I'll let go too"

Over the weekend I got the reality check that needed to be cashed a long time ago. It was the fact that MC truly doesn't believe in OUR future. I had hope that the man I love would one day see that we could be good together. I was hurt but I tried not to let anyone see my pain.

Hearing those words... Tracy, I don't love you like you love me... It felt like a knife shot straight to my heart. I couldn't believe those words. All these years he claimed to love me. All these years I dealt with the emotional pain he put on me.

He really had me on a emotional roller coaster from the start. I would just look to the left and say, He loves me though. We would break up many times and still end up back together. He would have a change of heart, but my heart was still beating for him. It makes me think of the EX-Factor song by Lauryn Hill.. A few of those verses was really me and MC.

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will


No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

I don't know what is to become of us. I truly don't know what is going to become of me. I do know. I never saw him act this cold until this past weekend. I saw the look of I am through with you. I saw the look that I can't keep on living this lie with you. We never been so disconnected in the whole time we been together. So yea... He let go.. I am going to let go too...