Mixed Emotions...

I just wished I could wake up every morning and just be so Happy..  Don't get me wrong.. I am in a very good mood.. I am happy that I finally feel at peace.. Its just some days I want to wake up to be happy...I want everything to be in order...  

I am having mixed emotions on different levels in my life.. 

 I don't want to get hurt again.. So I want to be single.. Then it is this feeling that I don't want to be alone.. I miss going out on dates.. I miss phone calls just to say hi.. I miss laying in bed with a body next to me.. I miss the hugs and kisses on the daily..  Yet, I got to take this time to get myself back together.. .
Then the desire of being in a relationship with women is just as bad as being in one with a man.. When things are good. The relationship is GREAT.. Then when there are a few obstacles it becomes BAD.. I just don't know.. Really just don't know...

Doctor bills are irking me.. So I am trying to catch all that up... I dont know where to start though... I have so many and I still trying to catch up the bills at home that piled up while I was away... I just want to HOLLA! I know that everything is going to be ok.. My Day is coming and I have to trust in the Lord that is and will be ok..

As far as other things.. It seems that the former S.O.S is coming out about all the stuff... I don't know why she waits until now to tell me. I don't know what to feel.. I do believe that she still loves me. We were just not meant to be.. Plus I believe she in love with both of us women. She just don't know which one she can't live without.. I told her I am the one that she can live without.. Mainly because I am not about to play the games with her.

I really want to get away from all of this... Then maybe I will be able to think clearly..