2020 the that year sucks!

 Man these last few months ugh! I truly wish come election day we will get NEW President... This Coronavirus has really took me for a loop. Thankfully I haven't caught it as far as I know. I do know back in late February I felt horrible for about 3 weeks. 

So much has been going on with me mentally and physically.. I am at the point as to where I am tired of being strong.. I am tired of being the family go to... I am tired of feeling like I am being obligated to do every freaking thing. 

I am my moms caregiver and you would think that my family would back up and stop depending on me. I keep telling them I have enough on my plate. It's like the more I fuss the worse it gets. I have been trying to find another place to move that is a little further away from some of them. I didnt want to because I don't want to many changes on my mom. I just feel like I wont get a peace of mind unless I do though, 

I have also been keeping my distance from the guy I have been talking to. I blame myself to believing that this time would be different. Well I can't really say that he wasn't trying. However I wanted more. I wanted him to be something I know he isn't capable of.  So i tried my best and i think he tried his best. So with everything I have going on I just believe it is better to just finally let it go. I love him more than I ever had in the past. It is just time... We will always be friends and always love one another. I feel that anyway because I know that he does.. I have to love me more to get the love I desire. I don't think it might ever be possible but I rather be alone than to feel like a person can't love me enough. He just has issues that he isn't dealing with and I can't take that anymore.. I feel just prayers is all I can do until he figures it out and get help.

Now this election... ugh! I said back when the Orange thing was running that turmoil was going to be upon us.. I didnt think that it was going to get this bad..  I just still cant believe folks voted for this... I also rooting for Jaime Harrison can get Mr. Graham out of the SC Senate.. Being from SC we see that Graham hasn't and won't ever do right.. He more worried about himself and his personal life. We need to get back to unity...