I was lead to believe that "YOU LOVED ME"...

I am getting better folks... I am so proud of myself... This week I tried to stay busy and focus on the good things. I know that I was in such a world wind of emotions and I was truly thinking about giving up.. I just hate when MY FEELINGS aren't taken into consideration.. 

She took me out of my comfort zone.. I was happy and content in the place I was... I was single.. I had my friends... I even remained in the closet. That was how I kept my sanity.. I didn't have to worry about nothing.. I took care of me.. I was ok with that.

Then she came along and seemed like everything was changed. All I really wanted was love and I thought that she loved me. Every waking day she expressed how happy I made her. Everyday was like a breath of fresh air as long as she was in it. I lost my friends because they didn't understand how much this woman meant to me. They talked about me, ridiculed me, even stopped dealing with me.. I took it because in my eyes I didn't care cause she gave me EVERYTHING...

Yesterday I was cleaning.. I am still trying to get my stuff back in order since I came back home.. I was procrastinating. I was still in disbelief. Yea this woman had me out of my normal character.. 

I came across all my letters and cards that she gave me... I was like DAMN how things change in a short period of time. I vowed not to cry.. So I didn't... There is no more crying over this shyt.. I will never understand and maybe it a reason that I don't..

One of the cards stated that she was so glad I was finally in her life. How much she loves me and want to spend everyday with me.. How much she wanted to take care of me.. How much she would move HEAVEN and EARTH for me. Even telling me how lost she would be without me.  BULLSHYT!! As I think of it more and more.. I was LEAD TO BELIEVE THAT SHE LOVED ME.. 

If you LOVE someone you don't leave them when they are at their lowest... (i didn't leave her when she was having trouble with her daughter, mother, or the death of a family member)... You don't become distant and ill  with a person who just want to spend time with you.. If you LOVE me when you see that I am crying you comfort me and tell me everything is going to be ok.. If you LOVE me, you would work through your issues and try to make things right... 

She wants us to remain friends.. How? I am still in love with her... She calls and I still do her hair.. I think the type of friendship was lost when she started dating me.. I can't go back to where it once was...