Happy Father's Day!!

Tomorrow is Father's Day.... I  like to wish every Father out there a Happy Father's Day!!

We always go out our way to celebrate Mother's Day.. This is about the only time that Father's get recognized.. We live in a society that most kids are raised by just their Mother's... I for one was raised by my Moms and my Grandmother...

I have always been a girl with "DADDY ISSUES"... I have never been really close to my dad.. Mainly because my father doesn't show affection.. (and I am a sensitive person) When he does try it sounds like a screaming match.. This year is going to be one of those AWKWARD Father's Day.. I haven't spoken to my dad in 2 months... I am still waiting on him to apologize to me.. I have yet to hear one.. So that is why I haven't talked to him. He said some things that hurt me.. So I just don't even bother. I love my father , he did help bring me into this world.. 

Growing up, I wanted my father's attention.. He was one of those dads he didn't come around unless my mother asked for money.. I rarely talked to my father as a child unless I was spending the night with my sister's sister.. He was dating my sister's mother at the time. So when they did family events that was the only time I was around him.. I started to feel my father didn't have time fort me. To this day he wonders why I am so close to my Mother's side of the family. 

It was when I was near death in the hospital with my last miscarriage when I. for the first time felt I mattered to my father.. He was there everyday while I was in the hospital those two weeks.. At that time I was 21 years old.  (It was a little to late)... Over the years I have tried to build something with him. I would call him, I would cook for him.. Even at the time he was getting sick.. I made sure I was there for my father.. 

I feel like nine times out ten, I will always be there for him when he needs me. 

So I wasn't going to get him anything for Father's Day, just cause I am still upset with him.. 

My mother kept pressing the issues that I need to get him something.. She was like... "You only have one father and one day you will regret it if you don't.." Now I am trying to figure out what the REGRET will come in.. I never been close to him.. It is so hard talking to him because he YELLS.. I got upset with my mother just cause of her saying that.. I am like I haven't did anything wrong.. WHY is EVERYONE making it seem like I am at fault.. (my life anyway people always blame me for something).. 

So I broke down and got him something.. I was going to put it in the mail.. This way I still will not have to come in contact with him.. My mother flipped again.. SHE WAS LIKE.. I DIDN'T RAISE YOU TO BE SO HATEFUL... (where is the hatefulness at?)  I was told that I am going to call him tomorrow, fix him a plate, and give him his gift.. Hmmmmmmmmm? You think? 

It would have been nice growing up where I was the little girl that sparkled when she saw her father.. It would have been nice to be the girl that when she had a problem she could run to her father.. It would have been nice to have a father that showed me how a man should act.. 

I love my father, but at this moment... Isn't it to late for the Father and Daughter relationship?

I know my dad is a loner.. I know that he moved out his parents house at 15 and been on his own since.. I am some what like my father.. This is why my mother say we always bump heads.. 

I remember back when I was 17 and I asked my father could I move in with him.. He was like NO.. You need to stay with your Mother.. I remember I was going through a rough patch in life. I asked my dad for something.. He said, Don't you got a job?  So, I never asked him again for anything.. I think at that time I was about 25 years old.. 

Now I am not trying to paint this bad picture of my dad.. He is a good person.. He help out a lot of people.. He even have a heart.. He stick by his sisters, brother, Family,  friends, and some of the people who grew up with.. 

It's just the Father I needed.. I never had.. I guess he loves me the only way he knows how...