If you can be with the one you love.......... Don't try dating...

I have been dating for a few weeks now. I guess you can say a few months. I decided to get out of the rut and get back into the swing of things. Life doesn't wait for anyone. So I had to get a life. I enjoy the time I have been spending with that person. It is just my heart is really not into it. I am still in love with Cooper. My heart, mind, and body still is with him. I have tried and tried to get over him and enjoy what I am going through.

I have been honest with the other person. He knows that I don't know if I will be able to love him. It is a good thing that he is understanding. I think if I didn't tell him, it would be very hard to deal with me. He told me that he has been in this type of situation too. He told me that it took years to get over a love. In some ways he still love the woman.

It has came to a point where he is falling for me. I truly don't want him too. Is that wrong? I don't want to treat him the way Cooper treated me. I don't want to say, "I don't love you the way you love me". I am going to tell him that we might need to slow things down until, I can get a grip. I hate to loose him though. He has made this transition be so easy for me.

This is becoming one of those complicated and awkward ordeals. I can tell this is going to turn into, Let's be friends...

It's My World...

It's been a long time since I've been here. I will be blogging just a tad here..(until I get my site back up)

There has been a lot going on in my world as of lately. I tell you, people change sometimes for the good or the bad. As of right now, my changes are for the good. I don't know about the other people.

I finally let go of the one person that was holding me back. It was things that was done and I can't change them. I also vowed to be celibate. It was a stretch from something that came deep within.

I also lost some friends over the last few months too. I don't know what came about it, but I am cool with it. If they tend to leave for no apparent reason, they were never friends to begin with. I never been one that don't give people a reason why I stop talking to them. I am so straight forward. I believe that could be some of the reason.. LOL

The saying " It is my world, you are just a visitor.." Well this is the life I am leading now. I have for so long put people before myself. Look at what has happened to me.. I am left by myself. I have no trust in anyone anymore. I look to my family and God to be on my side. Everyone else are just people that come by for a visit every blue mood.

I strive for happiness.. I am going to get it too. Over the last few month, it has been a pleasure that I can focus on just myself. Although I have someone that is ill and wants me to be there for them. I am there only for emotional support. I would hate to be ill and not have someone by my side. I understand what it feels like to be left alone and out in the cold. I just can't do other people the way they do me.

There will be no more trying to reach out to people. There will be no more giving all my energy to others. There will be not more people stealing my joy away from me. It is my world now... I am going to be happy, free, and loved... It will be with or without help from anyone else.

Nothing to say...

I haven't been here in a minute. Well I have gotten into my I DON'T WANT TO BLOG funk again. It isn't anything personal. It is just I don't see fit to write about stuff that hasn't changed in my life. I am living a boring life right now. I go to work and basically come home.
I am cool with it though. I have so much going on in my brain I just don't have the words to say much of anything. I learned my lesson and now I am KIM... (Keeping it Moving). I barely blog on my own website now too. I am in the process of changing the format of it anyway. I don't think it is going to be blogging as much. Yet other things in life that interest me.
Trying to connect with old friends back in the day. I have missed so much of what was going on in their lives. It is good to be on facebook. I think that is where I spend most of my time. Heck, you can tell I have no life because in my free time I am playing a game over there.. Yo'ville. I think I am so addicted to it. I feel it is because I can escape this harsh world.
People are so freaking errrrrr.. I am not going to go on into a rant.. Remember I have nothing to say right now... LOL

My Thought of the Day.. Friends with Benefits...

My thought of the day has been on my minds for years. I can not quite get the point of some people. The conversation I had with a good friend from the past triggered me. It fired me up last night. So then this morning I went to ask a few more men about the subject.

I am talking about men and maybe some women who wants only sex and nothing more. Come on people, where is the respect in that. I am so FREAKING tired of that lifestyle. Who in the hell ever came up with it? It is on the same lines of this Independent Woman shyt. I don't like it what so ever.

In my early 20's, I went out with a few dudes. I kicked it with them and maybe one or two I screwed. It came a point where I had to put a stop to it. I wanted more and they was saying crap like it is better just the way it is. I was like huh? How is it better? Is it better because you can go out and screw whom ever you want and not have to answer to anyone else... Well to those who are willing to suck themselves on that and taking a chance of catching something, go right the hell on. My door will not be opened for you...

So back to a friend of mine, he was saying that he was wanting to find someone that he can screw from time to time. I told him to go out and find a girlfriend. He was like Hell Naw, I don't want that. So I was getting confused. Cause who is just going to screw a man and her not being his girlfriend? He said I want... A Friend with Benefits... I said, what woman wants to be in that type of relationship.. I told him go out and find a steady WHORE... He just better make sure he has more money in his pocket.. A dick aint just enough when it comes to that type of relationship. He said he can't handle the more that a woman wants. He don't want the drama that comes with a relationship. He likes his own space and freedom.. I think those type of men are COWARDS.. They don't know how to be a real man. He lacks how to treat women with respect. So whore hurt him in his past and he don't know how to get out of that rut..

So once I got up this morning I call the King of I don't want a relationship... I asked him what is it with men and not wanting to commit themselves to a woman. His big answer was, I am scared... I was like how in the hell a grown ass man can be scared? He said if his feelings get hurt he gonna cry or something. I asked him he don't want to get hurt but he is constantly hurting the females. He said he aint doing such, because he told the woman before hand he didn't want one.

I think men and women need to stop playing these games with one another. If you don't want a relationship, then don't pursue that person. If you just want sex go buy a crackhead or whore... I am so tired of the mixed signals. I am so tired of the saying, Friends with Benefits. I am a woman who wants and needs more. I want a friend, a lover, a companion, security, and commitment. I don't need a man on the side.. I don't need a booty call. I want a man to be mine and all mine.
So I say no... to this...

My Thoughts of the Day... Suicide..(It gets better, Believe me)

I never has something like this happen this close to my family before. I have been depressed before. I even had these thoughts. I am sure many of you have. I am thankful that I have the Lord and my family on my side. Also with the help of a few friends, this may never be my option...

Monday my cousin (my crackhead cousin half brother) tried to end his life. He hasn't been himself in a few years. It seems when he came back home, he couldn't walk the way he used to. I am not sure of the cause of it. I never knew of him until a few years back.

Since I've known him he was on the strange side. I didn't think much of it because he was raised up north. You know us Southerners think alot of Northerners are strange. Heck it is goes both ways. So I did my part and speak when I saw him. Matter of fact the last time I saw him was on Mother's Day. He was at my Godmother's house.

On Monday when my mother came home from a funeral. My aunt called and said that her neighbor had saw the police talking to my cousin and he was shot. Well the acts of violence has been going on a lot in this town as of late. The Crackheads and Thugs are running wild. So when my mother finally got in contact with my Godmother the news was different.

To come to the point he shot himself. He also said to the police that he was waiting to die. Someone called the police and he feels that is why he didn't die. He is now in the hospital getting the help that he needs. I hope that they will also find out why he wanted to do such an act on himself.

Depression and Failure seems to always be the reason of people having suicidal thoughts. I just want anyone out there that might read this. It truly gets better. The only thing you need to do is think better about yourself. God will carry it through for you. Don't worry about other people. It is you who makes your life worth living for. So please talk to someone. They have phone numbers posted everywhere. If you are afraid to call on anyone, kneel down and pray... God truly does listen...

My Thoughts of the Day... Squatters (Neighborhood Trash Collectors)

I have called the city councilman. I even called the trash collectors. The nasty neighbors that I had has finally left the neighborhood. It was from a family of Mexicans to Crackheads.

The landlord of those houses cleaned them up. He is not my landlord. His houses are across the street from ours.. One day while I was outside he wanted to talk to me. He asked me why is it so hard for him to find good tenants. I told him I wasn't sure. He might need to start getting a background check.

I am going to get back to the point. When he cleans up these two houses he leaves the trash at the side of the road. It has been there for the last 2 weeks. Just imagine what it smells like outside right now. It has been hot and raining. Today he came and took even more stuff out of the crack house. I wish I had a camera that I could show you all this mess.

Now the Mexicans wasn't so bad. I think they left a chair, mattress, and couch. The Crackheads left ever freaking thing I think that they had. It looks like a hot funky mess and I am so ready for the trash people to come and get it.

It is a family of I know about 8 live a few blocks away from me. I believe that one couple in the family are brothers and sisters and they have kids together. Well they go around the neighborhood and always pick up other peoples trash. I tell you these are the most un-kept people I have ever seen. They even smell really bad.

After the landlord left, I think the whole family came up like a pack of ants. They even had a shopping cart full of stuff. I mean I was getting sick to my stomach. The main reason was because the prior owners were crackhead prostitutes. I saw them get bags of clothes, tables, microwave, and the filthy mattress. They were getting other peoples trash..

I don't downgrade anyone.. I just hate to see people having to live like this.

My Thoughts of the Day.. Crackhead..

This is something that I write about a lot. I have this discus with Crackheads. I think it is because of the person I love is on it. My cousin has been doing crack since I think crack came on the scene. It got so bad to the point I wrote an insulting poem about him. I frankly don't like him anymore. I will though continue to pray for him.

He has done so much to this family that I just want to choke him. He walks around like it aint nothing. He tells us he isn't doing it. Yet he still walks around all day smelling of funk.. Crackheads has this wet pennies smell. Then when he moved back down here he started walking around with Cracker Crack hoes. I call them that because they were stopping every car that came down the road.

Yesterday I had to go off on him again. He truly makes me SICK. His mother has been diagnosed with cancer. She can barely walk, and all he wants to do is smoke crack. It is a shame that a person would allow themselves to get to that point. I think I love myself to much to put anything in my system that would affect my health and beauty.

A crackhead doesn't have any emotions. They don't care about the people lives they are hurting. I sometimes feel why should I even care about them. Well I do and I wish that they will seek the help they need.