My Randoms...

It's been HAWT! I mean really... Here in South Carolina it has been one HAWT summer so far.. It normally doesn't get real hot until Late July or August... Shyt!! It's been HAWT since May.. The light bill this month JESUS is going to be high... I don't know what to do.

It's been so HAWT I haven't wanted to get out the house at all.. I haven't went hardly anywhere.. I don't know I might become crazy sitting here in the house with my mom... She is doing fairly well since I have been here.. I had to let my job go to take care of her.. I am doing it for her, but this chick hates being BROKE.. It will be ok though..

Yesterday, the family got together to grill.. It was nice.. As I said, I like when family gets together.. I just don't like the clean up.. lol It's been a struggle for us all the last few months.. We are trying to make as many memories we possibly can.. My mom memory is fading and she is resorting to the past and I wan't her to see family..

I just came by to let you all know that I am well and everything is going well..  If anyone still reads blogs.. hehehe!!

The Weekend..

I tell you my hood always wanna turn up on the weekend.. If my mom would just like to move, then I would be happy... She has been here since 1963 and she doesn't wanna go anywhere.. People I grew up with are gone.. People I grew up with now live in other places. My mom, doesn't wanna go anywhere.. So at her age, I just want her to remain at peace... So I don't push it.. I just let her be happy..

I watched a fight go from the bottom of the street to top of the street... The Police interviewing people they were here for about an hour.. Then after that they patrolled the neighborhood all night long.  Then ended up pulling one of my neighbors over in the morning..

Sunday was suppose to me my lazy day.. HaHaHa! I ended up going to this Hip Hop Workout in the park.. I am feeling  the PAIN this morning.. See I was thinking it was just Dancing (Zumba)... I thought wrong... It was an eXtreme workout.. It was fun though... My legs are KILLING me this am...

It is a new week.. I hope to get myself together and finish getting this house in order.. I really wanna LIFE! I guess once I get my budget plan together.. I will start going out more.. Since I am a sit a home person now.. This is my first month and I am seeing how everything is going to work out..

It isn't even Summer yet... Just a rundown on what's been going on..

I tell you I love the South... I just HATE Summers here.. Oh man, it isn't even summer yet, and the humidity is OMG horrible.. It is so HOT! I think I won't be able to be outside much this year.. It seems that I have been having trouble breathing when it is really hot.. As a child I would have nose bleed, now it is breathing..

I left my job (again)... After working there for years and then going back.. I wasn't happy.. I worried more about my mother the whole time I was working. My mom health isn't at it's best and plus she has been doing some WEIRD things that have me worried.. So I let it go and I just have to make more sacrifices in my life. I will not have a steady income coming in but I will try to make money the best way that I can, My mother is more important than anything...

My love life is no longer either.. I am tired of the game people play.. One week they seem they are all into you the next week not some much, then to come back another week and repeat.. Then one I rather not even be bother with him and his issues... I don't know why some from your past always wanna come back when you are so OVER them, then with a bunch of baggage.. I am set in my ways.. I like to go out on dates, but that is even an issue.. Seems like people don't really date anymore either. What's up with that? People are just being lazy... Plain LAZY!!

Hopefully this summer will not get the best of me.. I have a wedding that I am catering and then a family reunion that I am organizing. So once I get my  name out there, I will be able to do more.  I am excited!

I need some serious motivation...

I must admit that I have wasted a lot of my years... I wasted doing absolutely NOTHING.. What I mean by nothing, is something worth my wild.. I been working so hard the last 6 years... I really don't have nothing to show for it but, maybe my credit score.. lol
I wasted on men... I wasted it because of fear.. I wasted it because I no longer have motivation...
I believe a lot of it has been the stress I've been under.. I believe a lot of it where I am not getting much time alone.. I am always doing something for someone.. I am always paying bills, to where I don't have money to save up.
I really want to do something for me.. God willing, I want to save up enough to take a trip (alone)... I am still in the process of looking for another job, so that is motivation ( a little lol)....My dreams of my own business is still my main focus and I haven't given up.. It just seems that folks don't wanna pay for catering...  In this area anyway... Man, if I had the money to play the lottery and win... Then that's all the motivation I need..
The seasons are changing now too, I want to get back out.. I want to take walks, eat right, and get back on my healthy kick.. I think that would help my motivation.. I will have the energy..
I was talking to my friend guy on Sunday and he was telling me, I am no longer the Tracy he once knew. He said I was so much of a social, outgoing, fun person.. Now, he says I am complacent, moody, and drabby..  Damn, really? I think it is my age.. Things I used to do I don't do anymore.. It's not that my interest has changed.. My mindset has.. All of the friends I used to hang out with.. Married, Engaged, and kids..  I am the only one in my circle that has yet, to meet a man, worthy..
So yes, I no longer do the things I once did.. I don't think I am drabby (whatever that means).. hehehhee
Being with depression for the last 6 months, people really don't understand what it is to feel this way.. Yea, some say they are down, but a lot of folks don't know.. My diagnoses was my answers I needed.. I didn't understand why I kept feeling the way I did.. It wasn't anything going wrong in my life, I just feel like I had no motivation to even get out of bed sometimes. I didn't want to face people.. I didn't even wanna get up and put on clothes.. (even got to the point,  I didn't want to bathe).. Depression is something I don't wish on anyone. It puts your life at a stand still.
I can't  believe that I have wrote two blogs in two days.. I guess walking away from Facebook, has given me a peace of mind.. Now, hopefully motivation is next.. :)

La La La Blah Blah Blah

I tell you my boring life has came to be somewhat chaotic. I have broken free from most of my Social Media sites.. I had to walk away from Facebook for awhile. People and their issues or negativity was getting the best of my spirits.. I couldn't function I noticed that too much of my day was consisted of what to post, what others post, and telling too much of my personal business... lol

I remember that at one point, I wanted to be an internet sensation.. Now, I rather lay low.. I don't know, but for me the internet isn't what it used to be. It was fun to connect with others and all, now I see more people I already knew to begin with... I have also gotten tired of dealing with those who have some type of hatred toward me, yet remains my friend.. smh

Me and the Bestest is on speaking terms.. Yea, I know.. Im not going to read into it too much... I think he is going through something and needs a friend to listen. I haven't been mean to him but I am not falling for that trap again..

I think a lot of him coming back around is that he has noticed that I am seeing someone now. I am in the I am not ready for the relationship..  I just want someone to hang out with.. Someone to laugh with... Nothing more than that.. I am being really clear with people upfront now.. I am just tired of this dating and getting to know people then later find out.. THEY LIED...

I am still doing a little bit of writing and I am excited the way things are turning out.. You just don't know how long this has taken me to write these stories and feel very comfortable about it.. Maybe one day, I will become a writer, and get paid for it.. ..  I hope so anyway.. I really am not a fan of my job that I am doing now. Still hoping, working, and prepping for my own...

Is it me..

I have been talking to one of my past loves... We normally talk at least once a month, to see how each other been doing... Lately it's been almost everyday..
No, I'm not falling for him.. We are friends and sometimes I think he is the only one that I can confided in.. He is unlike my bestest... Me and him been through hayal and back.. So he understands me.. A lot of our 1st were done together.. I have a lot of love for him. 

This the thing, he told me he has always loved me... He still loves me and he never wants to hurt me.. So me, think its too late for him to tell me.   I know that he has cared for man, over 20 years.. If not we wouldn't still kept in contact with each other..

Plus 5 years back he got married, so I backed away.. I was hurt a little but I said as long as he is happy, then I'm happy.. I didn't get in between him and his wife... I let them be.. Well 2 years ago his wife left him, and he was so devastated.. I was the shoulder he cried on.. I hate seeing him like that, but as a friend I was there... He is still hurt by his wife leaving him and it hurts me too.. I know he has a lot of flaws and issues... I understand why his wife left.. With all he is going through he is still a good person.. Its going to take a really strong woman to deal with him. 

I don't know but I think it's me.. Everyone always look to me to bare their emotions on.. I guess I'm a comforter... Who knows!!

In my thoughts: When Blogging was the IT thing...

I remember about hmmm, 10 years ago.. Blogging was it.. I had several websites and my own that I would just pick a topic and blog on.. It was the it thing.. You had something that was on your chest, and you blog it.. Now, it seems like just a fad that is passing away..
Yahoo 360, was so fun.. I had all kind of things I would blog about.. I truly hate that they took it away.. Those we the good old days... I used Typepad, I did Greymatter the whole nine.. It was so much fun..
We couldn't wait to see what I friend's post and what not. I met a few good people in my Blogging days.. I think they have been better friends than the ones I just run across on day to day basis.. I swear sometimes I miss this and then sometimes, I don't even feel like typing.. I always got excited when I was requested to do the blog challenges.. If gave me an idea on what to write. Now at times I get to the point to think of what.. I know this is my personal blog and I tend to talk about what goes on in my humdrum life. I know some of you all are like, really.. LOL
I said I was going to try my best this year to do better, I tend to say that every year... So I can only try.. I think the downfall to blogging is Facebook and Twitter.. You really don't have to write paragraphs anymore to express your thoughts and feelings.. You can just sum it up in a few sentences and that will be the end of it..