It is Christmas time again.. The year is almost coming to an end.. I am not in the place that I was in this time last year.. I was floating on CLOUD NINE last year.. I in a place of pure bliss and I was living my dream life.. Yes that life turned out to be just that a DREAM!!  

Once the new year came everything went down the drain.. I became again.. A NON Factor in a person's life that I fell in love with. I sure know how to pick em.. Right?  Well this Christmas I am not only not in the mood for Christmas.... Christmas is such a giving and joyful time of year.. Well me... I have nothing to give.. I am also not in the joyful state of mind. 

So far I have only brought my mother, god daughter, and my auntie a gift.. Even my mind is at an stand still.. I used to know what to buy people.. I used to be on top of my gift giving.. Heck I have the tree up and have yet to wrap a gift.. 

I hate the mood I am in.. I wish I didn't go through these emotions and feelings... I just want to be in a great state of mind mentally and emotionally... In due time a guess..  I am going to try and make that one of my priorities for the new year.. I don't want to go down the same path again.. I am so ready to live life and stop it from passing me by..

Although I am a loner and I tend to isolate myself from the world.. I hate the feeling of loneliness.. When the holidays come around..  I think of having a special love... Today I was telling my moni that I am angry.. I am mad at myself.. I am mad at the fact that I was blind sided.. I am getting older.. I want that intimate family..  Me and that special love of my life.. The kind of love that their main reason for waking up everyday is me.. 

I will continue to be patient though.. I will also keep in mind that I am truly blessed to have loved in my life if it doesn't come my way again...

I am wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.. If I don't post anything else this month..