As I have had this time to think. This time alone.. This time to go through all my processes... I realized something. I NEVER had a BEST FRIEND... The only people and spirit I have relied on is Jesus and My mother.. Some say, THAT'S ALL YOU NEED... In fact that is to be SO TRUE.. Over the course of the few weeks, I must admit.. I have felt very alone. I have felt that I have to do all things alone. Thanks for the people who have called and tried to send encouragements my way. I really got to stop thinking I am the only one going through something.. Yea, I gots to get my grown woman on... I thank you Sweeties .. I am the type that does hold a lot in. I am not sure as to why I do these things.. I am hurting. I just try to hold it in.. I am suppose to be the strong person. Today my friend V said something to me.. I tell you.. She was on it.. LOL Gotta love her.
"I would Love for you to put it into play ... I don't like da fact that you're sittin' round mopin' ova someone that could care less.
You have to let go sweetie ... that's what you're havin' a problem doing. You're in Love and want it to work so you're trying to hold on ... but you can't, it's not healthy for you. You have to find a way to let go. & yes I know it's easier said than done ... but look at yourself, really take a good look at yourself ... is this the person you want to become? Or do you want to be the person you once was, yet wiser?
You realize that when you speak things, your speaking the energy and presense of that into existence. I really would like to see you think more positively of yourself ... you think so positively of others but fail to see the same positivity in yourself. We all make mistakes ... I too have not felt the amount of Love that I give but if you believe in Love like you say, you also know that it has to find you. So don't get down about the experiences and choices that you have had. E'ry thing we go thru is for a reason and you MUST learn from e'ry experience you have. Each trial is a lesson. Take the time to receive that lesson and move on wiser. We're only human & shit happens. We as a people and gender are the hardest on ourselves. Sweetie I know you've talked to others thru their trials ... think about things you've said to them. I know you can do this ... YOU have the power to do this. Remember YOU have to believe in YOU before anyone else will.falling in love w/ folks isn't the problem ... it's realizing that it's not forever, I've been thru it too sweetie. "
It was nothing that I never heard already. From what she says and what the others that I have talked to about my situation... That is what a friend does.. Someone who tries to pick you up when you are down. I am glad that they all care about me. Maybe soon this all to shall pass.. I tell you one thing.. I am ready to go back to work and get my money right again.. I think the rest of this year.. I am going to get me back. I miss Shopping... I miss going out for drinks with my associates.. I miss being being happy with myself.
Deep down I knew this past relationship wasn't going to work. I was warned.. I saw the signs.. Plus it happened so fast.. So I believe I fell for it because I felt I needed it.. See I don't like being Single. I never had.. So now I refused to be anything else. I am embracing this as I GOT TO GET ME IN ORDER.. This is a mission..
There is no need for me to keep focusing on what I lost.. She isn't worried anyway.. Right now she is with someone having a party this weekend. All she keeps denying the whole thing. I know.. I believe she knows I know.. It is just her way to keep me in her life and let her keep living her life.. Then look at me.. Wanting her to look and see all the things she has done to me. It is my wishful thinking... A person won't value you when they can't value themselves and vice versa..
So I am going to have me a Exhaling session.. My Friday night is Dateline and America's Most Wanted.. Tonight I am going to add extras.. I making me some chicken and some drinks...
Happy Weekend Loves!!!!!!
1 comment:
Well, if you hear the same sentiment from different people, eventually it will stick. The process does take some time, but all of the positive encouragement, you have to believe that for yourself. The thing I learned when I was in your experience is that in some cases, being friends with the ex is not only a bad idea but counterproductive. For me, it kept the pain there when we were trying to have the friendship continue...it kept the wound open and that's the worst type of pain. But know there are friends out there who have your back; don't ever think you have to go through this type of thing by yourself. I know those who are used to being the listeners and the therapists; it's hard for us to do the opposite role, but if we don't have people there for us when we're tapped out, how can we be of any use to others and ourselves. I'm always in your corner; please continue to see me as someone you can talk to and reach out to.
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