My Thoughts of Today.. Men

I love them Lord knows I do. I just can't get a grip on how SOME of them act. I been trying to figure them out all my life. I guess it goes both ways. I do know I try not to keep them in the guessing field long. I let them know how and why I act the way I do. So what is so hard for them to do the same for me.

I think it started back with my father. He is a non emotional man. He will never show you his weaknesses. He also is not verbal with anything that he has qualms about. Now if he is mad and pissed at you, that is when he lets it all out. (SMH)

It has been years on years I wanted to hear I love you from my dad. Don't get me wrong he is an excellent father. He has always given me what I needed and some of what I wanted. I think the only time he was really there for me was when I was in the hospital near death. I just hate it took that for him to really open up with me. Maybe that is just his way of not letting me see his emotions.

The next man was my 1st love. Now I was 14 years old when I met him. I loved and still love him to death. He was everything a girl could ask for. It was one thing though, I could not tear this man away from the streets. Yea I said it. He was only a year older than me and he was out with his friends and do heaven knows what. He had his 1st child when he was 16 and he was still my boyfriend. (SMH) Every time we broke up, he would pop up with another child. That's when I just had enough of the thug life. He later went to jail and served a few years. He said he is done with all that. So far he has been clean, I just don't know how long that is going to last.

Then we have the last man on my list.. I have been seeing him for the last 5 years. I am so confused when it comes to him. One day he is lovie dovie. The next day he is like hell on feet. I know he loves me, he has proven that over time and time again. I just can't get any sense on why it is so hard for him to COMMIT. I am not asking for much when it comes to him. I think we dated for 3 years before we actually had a relationship. Which that only lasted 3 months. He keeps on saying he is scared and he don't want to hurt me. I want to know what in the hell he is so afraid of.

I came to terms with it all. It is what it is.. Just a freakin friendship... LOL

Men, you can't live with them.. You can't live without them.


"I guess I am better off being single and keep the men as friends."

I will never understand your logic in life...