I had thought about staying in bed all day today. I want to get some rest and what not. I had got some news yesterday that another one of my family members has AIDS... So I was hurting about that. Just after seeing what Tim went through. I don't know if I am emotionally strong to go through it again. I am going to try though. I know that once they decide to come back home. I am going to have to be strong for them.
Today was also my first time seeing MC in 2 years. He came down for a party for one of his homeboys.. So he called my mother and told her that he was going to come by to see me today. I didn't know how I was going to feel or say if I ever saw him again. I was also shocked to see him. The last vision of him in person was the day he left while I was in North Carolina for a meet and greet. The last words he said to me in person was " I don't LOVE you the way you LOVE me".. Those words was stronger than any KNIFE... Yea we are friends via Facebook.. Yet being face to face always have a different effect... Deep down inside it made me feel happy to see him.. Why can't I let my feelings for him go.. Why do I still LOVE this man? It felt good to have him hug me once again. It felt good to see his smile once again...
So yea my feelings are all over the place.. Once again I am lost.. All those things I try to put behind me, came back today...
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