Last night I took a long look at myself.. I even evaluated everything and everyone who has been in my life.. Yes thanks to the #'s game.. I sit back and realized a lot of things about myself.. In every single relationship I gave my all... It could have been family, friends, even associates.. I literally gave too much of myself.
I am no where near a evil person. So people come and go out of my life. I have always been the person who would give the only shirt off my back to warm up the next person. As a child my mother used to fuss at me. She would buy me things and I would give them all away. I felt that I don't need those things. So I would give it to a person who did. I never expected anything in return.
Well that went on and on even in my adult years. I just give, give, give. I would make the next person feel like a million dollars and they would make me feel like I was less than a buck.. I put up with it. I just never wanted them to feel bad. Sometimes I was happy to see them happy. Yet have you ever met a person who was never satisfied with anything. No matter what you gave them or did for them.. You still wasn't shyt to them.
Well I can no longer go through this cycle.. I can't help that I have a giving heart.. I can't help that I am not a bitchy person. I am a genuine human being.. If I like you I like you.. If I don't like you I don't deal with you.. If I love you I love you.. This is just the person I am.. I don't gossip, I hate it.. I feel like people who do, just don't like something about themselves. I don't even care to hear it to be honest. I am straight forward.. If I have a problem with you that I feel the need to be addressed.. I go for it. Why not? I am a grown human being that I've been dealt many hands.. I don't have to hide the person I am..
This is what I am going to say from this day forward.. I don't have time to play games... I don't have time wondering when you are going to come around.. I don't have time to think about the what if's.. I am going to do me.. I can tell that most of the time I am the topic of other people conversations.. It's cool, keep talking.. It makes me popular and hell that is a form of love and flattering..
I am one that don't care what others think of me.. I barely come out the house.. I don't fool with too many people.. So what ever you think of me.. Majority of it is fabricated..
I can no long hold on to the pains of my past.. Some might call me bitter when it comes to certain things.. I am no way near it.. After my trust is gone.. It is GONE.. After you shytted on me.. I cleaned it up and kept on walking.. I no longer need you in my life... I now say Deuces to you.. I no longer need you to make me feel less than nothing.. I am more now than I was with you.. Deuces
Then to those who think you are going to get over on me.. I gotcha.. Never worry I am ahead of you.. I also don't want to fool with those who lie so much they get depressed when you catch them in their little story telling.. You aint shyt either.. I am about tired of your fucking game..
I don't want no ones Mineral Oil, Muddy Water etc etc... I got fucking problems of my own..
In closing.. Remember the bridges you burn.. You can never cross them again...
Peace...
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