I CAN'T give anymore of me...

Yesterday I took the time to really get deep into myself.  It was something that I've been meaning to do as my process to stay in my Happy Place continues...  I had to block my communications to a few people.. I am even limiting who I will be chatting with via "social networks"...  I got to get to a better me.. I got to clear my head.. No distractions needed..

Sunday night I got a call from a former user... He used me.. It is that time of year.. See I would always fall back into his trap.. I used to care about this guy.. I mean A LOT if you all knew the things I went through and did for him.. Yall would have slapped me over and over until I got the clue..

His Birthday is coming up and you know what.. He wants me to show him how much I love him..  Every year he comes around during his Birthday and Christmas.. He spends a lot of time cause he knows how I feel about Birthday's and Christmas..  He thinks he is gonna get an ass off gifts and all the coochie he can get..  I learned last year... It was no way I was going to allow this to happen.. I was stupid, dumb, and naive to think this man was real anymore. Word got back to me once, "Ahh Mah will get me anything I ask for".. He would go to his friends and brag about how much I would give him. How I didn't everything he asked.. He would say, It is because she LOVES me..  To be honest folks.. I didn't love him.. It was mostly feeling sorry for his ass.. I am a sucker for a charity case..

One year I brought him a lot of gifts.. It was nice seeing the smile on his face.. When everyone came to me and say, "what did he get you?" I was really ashamed to say... NOTHING.. I mean even saying that brought tears to my eyes. I did more for him than I did myself. He is not the only man who has done this.. Out of all the men I've dated, only one ever brought me a Christmas gift.. It is only a few that went out the way for me... So after the Holiday's he would disappear.. I wouldn't hear from as much.. He wouldn't even come around.. See I allowed myself to put up with this shyt..

Well now I am done.. I am closed.. I can no longer give anymore of myself to anyone.. I am drained. I can't help NO ONE.. I am at a point where I am struggling with life, health, and money.. Where are all these people that I gave my time, my heart, and money too.. Like they are always... No where to be found...

It was a lesson learned...